Anxiety/depression

[Tomshardware]

"Been through bad time lately with suffering with this. Dark thoughts as well. I know some posters on here suffer with this. Anyone come through the other side of this shit?

"A number of posters have been yellow carded and told to stay off this thread unless they have anything constructive to add.This is a thread that has been very useful to so many, for any other posters with scores to settle, argue on another thread. This thread is sacrosant.Thank you"

[Buster]

"Yarmouth 1:05 Mon Jan 20 I went through 2-3 years of horrendous anxiety, all down to the booze. Piled on four stone and although I wasn't depressed, I'd feel really low knowing I couldn't do the things I used to in terms of fitness. Used to run marathons, could cycle 100 miles in just over 4 hours but it all went out of the window because of the drink and rather than do something about it, I'd just think 'fuck it' and keep drinking. The anxiety stopped a year or so ago and I came off the meds, but it didn't stop me drinking 8-10 pints of Stella a day. Finally trying to sort my shit out, already lost a stone this month alone through no booze and shit loads of exercise and feel as good as I have done for years. You really can't underestimate what regular exercise and a clear head can do for your mental state."

[Peckham]

"I have been on Epilim Chrono, Levomepromazine, Clonazepam, Olanzapine, and finally Paroxetine ( feels like an E some mornings had to stop taking ). Man up dont¬¥t be a cսnt was what I would think when serving in the Army. Then first year out of the Army 2002 experienced and well went mental. Red mist. Followed by depression and being sectioned. Fuck nick - to be sectioned is one fucking horrible experience. I have done both, nick and being sectioned. I would rather a 6 month sentence for no reason than to ever be sectioned again. It was that bad. So man up etc etc etc. After experiencing and losing things special in my life and to one year carrying a gun with no fear ever - to being a civvy and having panic attacks and anxiety , to be beyond the state of depression you can no longer communicate to those you love you are depressed. I feel one massive fucking burden on people , especially Defjam. Long story short - as I have posed before. Not sure if anyone knows Gidea Park train station well , for 10 years in Madrid once a year I would visit my old dear there. There is a fast train that goes from Romford fast all the way to Liverpool Street. Like a bullet. They fly by. I convinced myself it was the quickest way to go as there was no chance of disability and failure as they go so fast. Was gonna jump head first into it. Saw loads of samaritans posters around station I found a coincidence or even sign. Left passport on floor and a letter of apologies to the train driver and passengers being considerate. Ended up whomailing Defjam. I am alive the rest is history. Gavros did not just drop down dead, he was dying slowly since when he helped me and you lot with the fund. I have watts app messages from him proving his state of mind. I am gutted. I cried about Gavros , not when read here, but at church when I lit a candle for him ( I light candles at church for family and dead friends , it gave me a Sunday routine in Madrid for years ). The world can watch and the press can transmit images of jihadist cunts beheading, like animals , decent people , yet only until recent Depression in men has been taboo. Of course I am not proud of being sectioned , I was in no danger to others , only myself and well red mist with old bill in Spain hence nicked there for months and sectioned in Madrid as well. The last time I saw my Mum with all her marbles was when the WHOFUND paid it for me to come home. Truth be known, In Spain its a bit more difficult to get social or sick pay unless worked certain years and paid into tax system. But the Spanish love black money, all my clients paid cash and I never paid tax. Gave all clients the option if want to be taxed etc.....of course all said fuck that , off the books. Hence I was unwell , despite having a small war pension, a month off work because of a breakdown I could not support myself there when had the black dog. I could not hang myself , I am shit with knots and DIY , I would fuck it up and look like Mr Bean. My father hung himself so I always envisaged I would go like this. The tube trains do not run as fast anymore due to jumpers I imagine. I am scared of big heights and you still have those seconds when jumping before smashing to pieces. I have collated 1000 odd pills over the years, but would they kill me. So being a Solider , I have no fear of guns and ammunition and cant think of a quicker and better way to go in terms of suicide, than a bullet to the temple or mouth. I was sat in a place called Galicia , farm in the middle of nowhere. friends away. Sat there with a Browning 9mm, I have no bloody reason to lie. Night and day cried for how I had felt I had fucked my life up and my Mums and obviously my old man was not happy the way he went says it all. I just like Catholics hold their rosemary beads , I was running 2 to 3 bullets , through my hands , juggling, feeling them. I was not crying out of fear, but loneliness it had come to this. ‚Ǩ1000 approx to spend a week with a browning , bullets and seclusion. But I got through it. I was not drunk, high or anything. I contacted WHO and Defjam again. ALSO THANKS TO FLYING V. Make no mistake - The strongest drug for a human being is another human. Some days when dark and black dog , WHO is my drug others its comedy but dark comedy. Its been 16 years of these meds and acute depression even when fucking top birds and should be on top of the world. Jan 31st is the biggest day in my life for my mental health , it has taken 12 months in London to get an appointment with a specialist to review my medicine and a Doctor to change or amend , 12 months 2 trips to a and e , fighting not to be sectioned again, fighting not to lose it with people as in red mist . Feeling worthless , DWP UC ‚Ǩ40 a month is my award , ‚Ǩ10 a week the government values my life. But in answer to original OP , poster , yes there is light , there is a way through the darkness. Best thing is not to hide how you feel , you have opened up and that is the first step to getting better. The meds I have are overkill hence can not wait for the review, but despite pessimism to the whole pharmaceutical industry as a whole, there is no doubt the anti depressant I take Paroxetine gives me a bounce and I am sure if I was more disciplined with meds , exercised more. Took when supposed too, I have no doubt I would be feeling better. The thing is patience , the pills although you do not want to take for life. They do not work overnight and all say make you feel worse before better. So you have to stick it out. Nature is my drug now for depression. also Art. But mainly fcuk off amazing trees, landscapes and seeing the sunrise and sunset. The head of TILS https://www.veteransservicelse.nhs.uk/ Most probably the best mental health carers in the country only for vets but just recently invested by government and NHS due to suicide rates in the Army and epidemic of PTSD, the main man there , he begged me to get running , walking or boxing, to reduce meds and take on one of those hobbies. I¬¥m thinking about it. To all those who donated 400 to visit my Mum and Niece , I am sorry , I am living in an Army Hostal - Veterans Aid - for homeless vets in East London, I want to work but I am looking after my Mum in the days as the subcontracted NHS homecare team were terrible. Despite speaking Spanish , Cambridge TEFL qualifications , working at Real Madrid, Spanish Kings body guard and special forces a good TEFL CV , in London every private academy wants someone with a degree. Hence I am struggling for what to do. But as posters leave us tragically the WHOFUND must remain in legacy to Gavros so I know and do not feel so much guilt now that I haven¬¥t paid it back, but its not going anywhere the fund, I will pay it back one day this year. Things have to get better. COYIS. YES VEXED I AM TRAGIC SNOWFLAKE BORING cսnt. Thanks"

[hammerintheorient]

"As a 55-year-old, I couldn't agree more with your re: the booze, Yarmouth. Well said."

[Yarmouth]

There's a book by Tim Grayburn called 'Boys don't cry'. Its a brilliant read about one blokes journey through it. I'd recommend anyone going through depression and/or anxiety to read it.

[Yarmouth]

"In my experience, drink has a major effect on depression/anxiety, sadly, especially as you get older. I never believed people when they said alcohol is a depressant, for me it was always a buzz and then feel like shit in the morning but never made me fed up. Now at 62? The next morning has a major effect on my mood and certainly opens the doors that let negative emotions flow through. For what its worth, don't let alcohol take the depression/anxiety away because it really is a very short term fix with bad after effects. Go see the doctor and acknowledge that somethings wrong that needs professional help. Not preaching here lads, just trying to pass on a little experience to help others."

[Eerie Descent]

Just send them a picture of Justin P's cock.

[Vexed]

"Any of you feeling down and that, before you do anything drastic WHOmail me and I'll give you a pep talk, you worthless cunts."

[Crassus]

"Riddle None needed mate, this is both a delicate and complex subject and as always a little knowledge is a dangerous thing - as I have said, I know little technically bar those experiences of life we sometimes encounter"

[J.Riddle]

"Crassus, apologies I should have said drinking alone, as that is when I have noticed myself get emotional about historic problems, becoming depressed in a nutshell and alcohol was the trigger. Arranging to meet someone socially for a drink to talk about problems is as you say a good way of being able to express feelings that you most probably wouldn't if sober. Drinking alone at home or away with work or on business for example is not good, better to abstain and get rid of any booze at home imh."

[Crassus]

"Riddle I suspect that you are correct mate, and as I have said, I am no expert, dinking alone and sinking through the bottom of a glass may not be ideal I will say though, that calling a someone and saying I need to have a word and unloading through drink may not be the worse way foward If it takes a drink to shed the veneer of self imposed expectancy to cut to the brass tacks, then it can work Whatever, the key is to talk, surely that is right? Acceptance of an issue is always the first step, so what ever breaks the barriers do it and watch the sun rise from there"

[J.Riddle]

I know that I have got emotional when I have had a fair few drinks and realised that drinking makes things much worse. My best mate was found hanging with an empty bottle of Vodka next to him (although he was heavily in debt to some infamous characters so rumoured that they left it there)? Anyway the point is if your feeling depressed abstain from alcohol.

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The more I read on here - and the more I think back to the end of my marriage, I'm starting to think that maybe I was in a similar dark place to that which many of you have described. That means that thee IS a way out AND a way to get your life back on track, but it does come at a price. You could end up being just like me...and support BREXIT!!!"

[Crassus]

"Balto It would appear that in reality, the greatest non sensical view is if you don't feel as 'you' do periodically - your mindset resonates very clearly and widely mate, you are not alone I don't know why, I have no answers merely the observation that seemingly most on here have to a lesser or greater degree sadly felt like you or at least had to deal with the consequences of those thoughts What a reflection of modern life eh? Well, the upside is that for sure, don't feel alone, you are not and remember this if nothing else, it is always darkest before dawn and the new day is coming quickly The only advice I can offer is to talk until that sun rises, as it surely will, then go again, because you can, we all can - I have seen it and done it too Best wishes to you and everyone like minded"

[Nutsin]

"Balto get yourself some help mate. It's no way to live. You could find it's an easy fix. There's a lot of people out there feeling the same as you, you are not alone and it's nothing new. Hope you figure it. All the best to you and your family."

[Balto]

Thanks for responses. Norman ..... the suggestion of the Aquascutum raincoat made me laugh. I don't know whether any of you feel like this but I can be in the middle of my family life and yet feel totally apart and it takes tremendous effort to really engage with those around me. Not sure of that makes any sense.

[Westham67]

"Balto. I have been there and still am sometimes. I agree about it comes in waves. After getting sick in Singapore over 4 years ago my life has fell apart. I was misdiagnosed and given conflicting meds that gave me cramp in my legs that I couldn't stretch out. I saw a psychiatrist on October and he told my GP I was in urgent need of medication, due to the abovementioned mistreatment up to now I have not taken them but after I read B took his own life I will start taking them, the prescription has been sitting in my draw for 3 months"

[Westham67]

"Balto. I have been there and still am sometimes. I agree about it comes in waves. After getting sick in Singapore over 4 years ago my life has fell apart. I was misdiagnosed and given conflicting meds that gave me cramp in my legs that I couldn't stretch out. I saw a psychiatrist on October and he told my GP I was in urgent need of medication, due to the abovementioned mistreatment up to now I have not taken them but after I read B took his own life I will start taking them, the prescription has been sitting in my draw for 3 months"

[Tomshardware]

"Balto, probably a good idea to get some help. I can empathise with the dark thoughts."

[Mike Oxsaw]

Ronald_antly 10:08 Sun Jan 19 Only when a small medium's at large.

[Darby_]

"Was searching through my suitcase and found some 'Durian soft candy"". Tastes dreadful for the first 20 seconds but after that you find yourself wanting another one."

[Ronald_antly]

"""Plus, every successful contract completed is another resounding ""Fuck You!"" to my careers officer back at secondary school ..."" Do you keep in touch?"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Alfs 3:10 Sun Jan 19 There's a lot to be said for ""going it alone"", despite it appearing, on the surface appearing to compound the ""loneliness aspect"". I spent 21 successful years at BT, starting as an apprenticeship and still had a ""good career"" ahead of me,so could have ""stayed the course"". Family ad friends would have nodded approvingly. The work though was shallow; I was more and more just doing what other people wanted, and most of that seemed irrelevant - it turns out it wasn't, but that's another story. I chose to leave in the early 90s and start my own ""one-man show"". It wasn't easy, by a long shot, but it was mine, it was me. It was actually one of the better choices in my life as I do have more direct control on my life; I can choose to work when I want, not when somebody else wants me to - albeit generally in 3-month blocks. That means that if I make a poor choice (of client), ""get-out"" is only ever 90 days away, and that in itself is a positive driver. It's not for everyone, but working for yourself is not really as daunting as it is often made out to be. (Plus, every successful contract completed is another resounding ""Fuck You!"" to my careers officer back at secondary school who, rather publicly, declared that the best career I could expect was to be ""hanging doors on Ford Cortinas at Fords"".)"

[Manuel]

"''Scrape away at the veneer and most of the time I feel pretty helpless and depressed'' Tbh I think tens of millions of people all over the world feel exactly like that, although you do go on to qualify it by listing all the bad turns of luck you have had. All the best fella."

[normannomates]

Balto Well supporting WHU is a life tapestry. Don't go to deep balto.. Acknowledge and appreciate the basics that don't even register with most.. For me it's nature and birds.. For you it could be investing in a decent flasher mac [aquascutum]. impressing the locals.

[Sydney_Iron]

"Balto, Your not alone, your on WHO......but LOL, i was going to say i bet you feel a bit better just from posting!!! hopefully that post was your turning point. Cheezey, You may well be right, thnk Gavros was more Alcohol related, but thnik he may well of had other demons, hence that alcohol abuse. norm, thanks......"