Anxiety/depression

[Tomshardware]

"Been through bad time lately with suffering with this. Dark thoughts as well. I know some posters on here suffer with this. Anyone come through the other side of this shit?

"A number of posters have been yellow carded and told to stay off this thread unless they have anything constructive to add.This is a thread that has been very useful to so many, for any other posters with scores to settle, argue on another thread. This thread is sacrosant.Thank you"

[joyo]

Self analysis that ChillTheKunt?

[ChillTheKeel]

"Anyone in a relationship with someone with BPD/NPD (two sides of the same rotten coin) needs to get the fuck out as soon as it's feasible. It NEVER gets better, only much, much worse."

[bruuuno]

"Apologies for my flippant response. That she was left with nannies and not properly loved as a child screams BPD The problem with BPD is that people can turn on their own children and so the cycle repeats itself.. protecting your children from this woman’s wrath must be the priority. There’s specific websites for supporting people with BPD persons in their lives, they helped me to understand things a bit Good luck with it"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Agree not easy when kids are involved, when you also have to be aware of what is best for them."

[Roeder-nowhere]

"Thabks Brunno, yeah it fits to an extent as do many other personality disorders. She needs to acknowledge it, then want to change it and I am not sure she is anywhere near step 1! gtfo? Love to but with kids that’s not easy, eveb if I had the wedge to gonit alone near by."

[bruuuno]

"Roeder-nowhere - read up on borderline personality disorder, I had an ex who was similar, total head fuck.it’s a horrible thing usually caused by trauma at an early stage in a child’s development which means they are stunted emotionally. You need to gtfo"

[Crassus]

"Mate, I'm going to say it - she sounds a right cսnt that you would be well shot of, she is not going to change Appreciate the issue with your kids, so pragmatically this is how I see it You can't bail out because of the kids, so assume a 'sentence' mentality, engage closely with the nippers to establish an irrevocable bond. Work on the inside, be the Dad that you are, invest time and private quality moments whilst their mother is bladdered or doing what ever the fuck she wants Kids grow up quickly, and they absorb like a sponge, it will not be as long as it seems before they are independent young adults and you will have served you penance for poor spousal selection but retain a positive relationship with your kids Above all, learn to disconnect the idealistic vision that you know in truth is just not there, exist without initiating conflict, gradually self educate emotional detachment Might sound harsh, but as described you have no relationship, so retain 4 choices, first 2 are not viable and the 4th terminal 1 Shoot the cսnt 2 Have it on your toes 3 Accept that she is a cսnt, bide your time, take control 4 Plough on hoping that it will all work out whilst knowing it won't Good luck and you know it makes sense"

[lowermarshhammer]

Roeder Possibly emotionally unstable emotional disorder aka borderline personality disorder. Good fucking luck.

[Tomshardware]

"Tough situation Roeder, no-one should have to put up with that kind of abuse but can see how you are feeling trapped."

[Roeder-nowhere]

"Sorry to hear you have been through Similar Mike. There seem to be similarities so I can understand at least and would be interested in the path you took. Believe me I have looked at all options. If we hadn’t had kids the decision would be simple and I’d have walked away happily long ago. Funny you mentioned the controlling issue. Mine has done that, wanted me to quit my previous job as she wasn’t coping with the first new born. Always an excuse to ring me at work because of some ‘crisis’ then the threats started of me leaving the job or getting a job working from home/closer etc Funny really cos now I’m working from home and I’m in her hair and she’s asking when the office will reopen fully. Then we’ll be back to, where are you, what time are you home etc etc What’s made it harder is her upbringing has given her all the financial support she has needed, but parents who adopted her as a baby and still didn’t give her the love she needed. She was the baby that all her mums mates had so the Mother got one. Then sent her away whenever possible, left her with nannies, and even took to beating her and telling her she should have taken her back to the adoption centre. Thats not to excuse her behaviour with me, but it helps me to understand perhaps why it is happening."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I suffered (although nothing like you) similar situations. My (now) -ex was very, very insecure. Whatever I tried wasn't what she wanted - turned out that what she did want was for me to give up my work and all my outside interests and focus everything on her, which was never going to work - but that was her idea of an ideal relationship. My next suggestion was going to be to suggest letting her decide the path, try and get her to say what, exactly it is, she wants (not what she doesn't want) but you've probably tried that, too. How I solved the issue I had is probably not the way you want to go, so I'll hand over to somebody better qualified."

[Roeder-nowhere]

"Yeah of course this can be done Mike and has been in the past, but it hasn’t achieved much other than her getting more ratted being alone ‘relaxing’ so I’ve born the brunt on my return. I think ME being away for a weekend alone is what’s needed. Done that in the past for work reasons and the children were told “daddy went away and didn’t want to take us” - no win situation"

[Side of Ham]

"You need to get her to see her behaviour after one of her episodes and better still you need it to cover your arse should you snap. I worked with a girl who ended up stabbing her abusive boyfriend to death whilst being attacked. She would have gone down for full on murder had HIS family not testified he was a violent drunk. She still got found guilty of manslaughter and did a few years time. You don't have this as a back up, and it sounds like it's on tender hooks for either of you. With home security being so easily accessible it would be easy to do and to keep private for you both."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"OK, I suspect we're already hurtling up a cul-de-sac here, but even then, is there nowhere a couple of hours drive away where you can spend the day? WillTells place?? -- No! only joking!!! I'm pushing at a real-world physical separation here, just to put some space into the equation."

[Roeder-nowhere]

It’s actually in another part of France so I would just be hanging around with French friends of hers I don’t know. No problem enterthe kids myself but the point is it’s supposed to be a ‘break’ for her. Probably not happening now for covid reasons

[Mike Oxsaw]

"While she's partying, could you not show the kids some of ""your history""? Mine were fascinated when I took them ""away"" for a few hours and I showed them where I was working at the time, where I grew up (they thought it was a complete dump, which it had certainly become) where the team I supported played and other mundane stuff."

[Roeder-nowhere]

"Thanks Billy, I’ll check it out."

[Roeder-nowhere]

"Thanks Billy, I’ll check it out."

[Roeder-nowhere]

Done that many a time Mike. She has a mates 50th soon and was more than happy to let her fly over and celebrate for 4-5 days. Instead she started planning us all going!!? 🤷🏼‍♂️ Which just creates more stress and means me looking after the kids when it’s late and she’s getting ratted with friends.

[Billy Blagg]

Roeder-nowhere 1:54 Wed Apr 21 That was a tough read mate and I feel for you. I have some insight into this but I will Whomail you.

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Roeder-nowhere 9:13 Thu Apr 22 OK - all I was going to suggest is that you offer to take the kids away for a weekend - to give her a break. Of course there's no way of knowing what she'll read into such an offer, but if it's not taken up quickly, quietly leave it on the table and see if she comes around to the idea of her own accord."

[Roeder-nowhere]

You take your shit with you Norman wherever you go. But France isn’t and will never be my home

[Roeder-nowhere]

Mike - don’t believe so all though she knows about it.

[normansmymate]

"Theres a 1950ish Hitchcock film called ""Strangers on a Train"", thank me later Son."

[Mr Kenzo]

Living and spending time in France does that to a lot of people. Good Luck