New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Joke Whole]

"Mark Hughes judgement's amiss His complaints? He's taking the piss That tackle by Song? Ref saw nothing wrong So both my arse-cheeks he can kiss. Whenever I board for my flight, It's left I turn, not ever right."

[Helmut Shown]

A man in the street became stroppy 'cos I wasn't wearing a poppy Now on my lapel Is a poppy as well It's something you all should copy Mark Hughes judgement's amiss His complaints? He's taking the piss

[,]

"West Ham sit just fourth in the table, They'd hope to stay there if they're able just three places to climb with football sublime Oh, stop dreaming they'll think I'm unstable A man in the street became stroppy 'cos I wasn't wearing a poppy"

[IsaacHock]

"After Vindaloo Guinness and Hock My ring-piece looks like a red sock The Ruby and beer Didn't do for your rear Twas my glorious 13 inch cock. West Ham sit just fourth in the table, They'd hope to stay there if they're able"

[easthambull]

"A pilot with budget airline, Though pissed did claim that his flying was fine Drink did him no harm It kept him keep calm When ditching the plane on the Rhine After Vindaloo Guinness and Hock My ring-piece looks like a red sock"

[plankton]

"A pilot with budget airline, Though pissed did claim that his flying was fine But finally a ten-bottle day with his equilibrium did play and he fell asleep in the cockpit, supine Leaping forward to adjust the throttle, The co-pilot slipped on a bottle"

[Joke Whole]

"A law that is now on the table Says that beer has a calorie label Fuck that for a lark, For beers light & dark I'll still drink as much as I'm able A pilot with budget airline, Though pissed did claim that his flying was fine"

[Helmut Shown]

"The world's finest sight is, I swear. Your first view of a girls pubic hair And in the said bush You then plant your moosh And wished that she'd shaved it bare A law that is now on the table Says that beer has a calorie label"

[Saul Bollox]

"When dinosaurs once ruled the earth there were penes with exceptional girth A quite typical chopper? A five foot three whopper. Archaeologists once did unearth. The world's finest sight is, I swear. Your first view of a girls pubic hair"

[Saul Bollox]

"When dinosaurs once ruled the earth there were penes with exceptional girth A quite typical chopper? A five foot three whopper. Archaeologists once did unearth. The world's finest sight is, I swear. Your first view of a girls pubic hair"

[plankton]

"An attractive young lady passed by As the vicar unbuttoned his fly As his penis popped out She cried out with a shout “Father, your ferret only has one eye !” When dinosaurs once ruled the earth there were penes with exceptional girth"

[Helmut Shown]

"A Chinese girl named Soo Chi Ming, Stuck a finger right up her own ring It wasn't for pleasure Or digging for treasure But a clinker that decided to cling An attractive young lady passed by As the vicar unbuttoned his fly"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was an old man called Stein Stole knickers from a neighbours line, But one pair he complains, Had vaginal stains, The smell of which wasn't benign. A Chinese girl named Soo Chi Ming, Stuck a finger right up her own ring"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was an old man called Stein Stole knickers from a neighbours line, But one pair he complains, Had vaginal stains, The smell of which wasn't benign. A Chinese girl named Soo Chi Ming, Stuck a finger right up her own ring"

[Helmut Shown]

An astronaut’s round trip to Mars Is 2.5 years with no sex and no bars But dependent on rank An occasional wank Can be caught in a couple of jars There was an old man called Stein Stole knickers from a neighbours line

[plankton]

There was a young lady from Hull Whose sex life was dreadfully dull So she married a farmer After deciding her karma Should be fulfilled by a prize-winning bull An astronaut’s round trip to Mars Is 2.5 years with no sex and no bars

[Far East Hammer]

He once played for Liverpool But Lawrenson's a bitter old tool He does hate West Ham But he is the sham Opens mouth shows he's a fool There was a young lady from Hull Whose sex life was dreadfully dull

[Helmut Shown]

"In a lull in the fight against ISIS, A Kurdish man went for a piss But his jet of warm pee Hit a large IED Taking his balls and pe- nis He once played for Liverpool But Lawrenson's a bitter old tool"

[Saul Bollox]

"Fergie the whining old git Talks nothing but a load of old shit He tries to be blunt, But the red faced old cսnt Is a whining and moaning old twit. In a lull in the fight against ISIS, A Kurdish man went for a piss"

[Saul Bollox]

"Fergie the whining old git Talks nothing but a load of old shit He tries to be blunt, But the red faced old cսnt Is a whining and moaning old twit. In a lull in the fight against ISIS, A Kurdish man went for a piss"

[Helmut Shown]

I asked at my bank for a loan But all they could do was just moan Generous they ain't through their fiscal restraint I've lost everything that I own Fergie the whining old git Talks nothing but a load of old shit

[Joke Whole]

"This Monday thereÔøΩs some splendid pain Emanating from old White Hart Lane This cannot be true! They're BIG, through & through The Lillies are found out again (tee hee) I asked at my bank for a loan But all they could do was just moan"

[plankton]

"Saints and Hammers in the top four Can this carry on for much more? Our midfield’s on Song and we ain’t playing the ball long, so who knows as long as we score ? This Monday there’s some splendid pain Emanating from old White Hart Lane"

[Far East Hammer]

Remember when Sam had no plan B ? When teams had us down to a tee ? Seems last year's tumult Of the fans' revolt Provoked change quite pleasing to see Saints and Hammers in the top four Can this carry on for much more?

[plankton]

"As an aside .... ""Joke Whole 2:30 Thu Oct 16 Re: New Limerick Thread There was a young lady from Bude....."" This reminded me of one of the very first limericks I ever learnt which still makes me laugh 50 years later..... There was a young lady from Bude Who went for a swim in the nude A man in a punt Stuck an oar in her ear And shouted ""YOU CAN'T SWIM 'ERE, IT'S PRIVATE !"""