New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl from Grenoble Who did things some consider ignoble When she went to the gym Flicked balls from her quim Ultimately her brand has gone global Skirt up and unconscious in an alley And not smelling of lily of the valley

[les marteaux]

"There was a young man from Rheims Would often suffer wet dreams His pyjamas stunk They were covered with spunk, And had skid marks all down the back seams. There was a young girl from Grenoble Who did thing some consider ignoble"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was an old bloke called Parks, Who suffered from chronic skid marks Caused by a wet fart Was a brown work of art Like two hammerhead sharks There was a young man from Rheims Would often suffer wet dreams"

[les marteaux]

"When I bring back booze from a trip The girls all drop round for a sip I get all this booze, From a short Calais cruise, During most of the sailing I kip. There was an old bloke called Parks, Who suffered from chronic skid marks"

[Joke Whole]

I once walked in on my boss As he was having a toss I therefore was glad He'd chosen salad The size of his gut was just gross. When I bring back booze from a trip The girls all drop round for a sip

[Far East Hammer]

There once was a priest in a frock Concealing a very large cock But out it would fly When a hen walked by In front of the cleric's flock I once walked in on my boss As he was having a toss

[Monk~koknee]

During a very cold May Whilst at the seaside in Bray I saw an old tart Her legs wide apart And a sign that said Pay and Display There once was a priest in a frock Concealing a very large cock

[Far East Hammer]

A young girl from county Tyrone Farted loudly when sat on the throne. The outhouse did shake Just like an earthquake And she wondered why she was alone During a very cold May Whilst at the seaside in Bray

[Far East Hammer]

A young girl from county Tyrone Farted loudly when sat on the throne. The outhouse did shake Just like an earthquake And she wondered why she was alone During a very cold May Whilst at the seaside in Bray

[les marteaux]

A young girl from county Tyrone Farted loudly when sat on the throne.

[les marteaux]

There was a young man of Belfast When on the job couldn't last Fuck it I've been slow And now I will go And write another Lim'rick real fast.

[les marteaux]

"My dog, it has given me fleas My legs really itch - and my knees And all over my thigh I realise that I Shouldn't have let it lick my gool-ies. A young girl from county Tyrone Farted loudly when sat on the throne."

[Helmut Shown]

"My dog, it has given me fleas My legs really itch - and my knees At the end of my totem They've got at my scrotum Causing me great unease There was a young man of Belfast When on the job couldn't last"

[Joke Whole]

"A lady from just north of Crewe Was desperate for a good screw The folk of her land Did not understand And sent her off to B & Q My dog, it has given me fleas My legs really itch - and my knees"

[les marteaux]

A lady from Stockton-on-Tees Let menfolk just do as they please From dustmen to bakers She'd not many takers Cause her titties hung dawn to her knees A lady from just north of Crewe Was desperate for a good screw

[Joke Whole]

"It is said that the ladies from Oakham On the first date would let you poke 'em If caught on the blob, 'twas arsehole for knob But ATM would often provoke 'em A lady from Stockton-on-Tees Let menfolk just do as they please"

[Helmut Shown]

There once was a young girl called Nelly. On Embarassing Bodies on telly When viewed from the front You couldn't see her cսnt For the overhang of her belly It is said that the ladies from Oakham On the first date would let you poke 'em

[les marteaux]

"Now then my old nans tits Are the attributed cause of my zits, When fondling her breasts, I contracted these pests Which she had got during the blitz. There once was a young girl called Nelly. On Embarassing Bodies on telly"

[Hammer and Pickle]

"I thought of the lady in franking, When I was in bed at night wanking Slamming away I had to call in sick for the day While I exhausted this need for cranking. Now then my old nans tits Are the attributed cause of my zits"

[les marteaux]

"A young girl of seventeen years Decided to confront her fears Quite often she'd choke, Dropping drawers for a bloke Now beforehand she has a few beers. I thought of the lady in franking, When I was in bed at night wanking"

[Joke Whole]

"Walked in on my wife on the loo Got hit by a bad smell of poo She said, with a smile, ""Just linger a while,"" ""That curry's just worked it's way through..."" A young girl of seventeen years Decided to confront her fears"

[Helmut Shown]

There was an old maid down in Devon Who said her idea of heaven Was to invite in some blokes Have a few rum and cokes And shag them her record is seven Walked in on my wife on the loo Got hit by a bad smell of poo

[Helmut Shown]

(nt)

[Hammer and Pickle]

Because of the financial crisis It's now cheaper to satisfy vices The brummie lass now charges just two bob To relieve you of that massive deep throb And thrill you with her various devices. There was an old maid down in Devon Who said her idea of heaven

[les marteaux]

"A Brummie lass would give head Round the back of her father's shed, All types of deviation, She was a sensation, But drew the line at Uncle Ted. Because of the financial crisis It 's now cheaper to satisfy vices"