New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Joke Whole]

"There was a young man called Doug Went to work with inserted butt plug At 10 it worked loose: The outpouring brown juice Did ruin the chairman's fine rug. My wife says I drive like James Hunt, But I just HAVE to be at the front,"

[Helmut Shown]

Public BDSM is a pain When practiced on a commuter train Gimp mask on your face And hands tied in place They're British and they won't complain There was a young man called Doug Went to work with inserted butt plug

[Far East Hammer]

"There was an old chap from Horning, Took his cock out in public this morning Reprimanded by a nun Who didn't think it was fun He was let off with a stern warning Public BDSM is a pain When practiced on a commuter train"

[Saul Bollox]

"There once was a man called Ben Tucker Who once had a job as a trucker I'm sorry old chap Your obscenity trap Won't get me like that me ol' mucker. There was an old chap from Horning, Took his cock out in public this morning"

[PistonHammered]

"There was a young man called O'Toole. Who made sculptures with his own stool He'd pile up his shit And scrape it a bit And Viola, Gerrard from the 'Pool! There once was a man called Ben Tucker Who once had a job as a trucker"

[Saul Bollox]

"The Vicar hosted a tea party And the conversation was arty But ended in strife Cos in bed with his wife, Was that bloke from Eastenders Todd Carty. There was a young man called O'Toole. Who made sculptures with his own stool"

[Far East Hammer]

The last few Limericks have clean. There are many prefer them obscene We're caught in a rut Without any smut I hope you can see what I mean The Vicar hosted a tea party And the conversation was arty

[Saul Bollox]

"Foreign coaches of the game Put the likes of Fat Sam to shame, But inside his own head The best thing since sliced bread. And his after match comments inane. The last few Limericks have clean. There are many prefer them obscene"

[Helmut Shown]

My breakfast is missing a course I've run out of eggs (and brown sauce) McDonald's? Burger King? Can get me something A cheeseburger made out of horse? Foreign coaches of the game Put the likes of Fat Sam to shame

[Joke Whole]

"After a win he can't let it rest Claiming only Big Sam knows it best ""Was MY changes, you see,"" ""That let us score three"" You saddos can make up the rest. My breakfast is missing a course I've run out of eggs (and brown sauce)"

[Far East Hammer]

"Big Sam does not like tippy tappy the direct game is what makes him happy Sometimes it might well work At others any berk Can pull it apart, it's crappy After a win he can't let it rest Claiming only Big Sam knows it best"

[,]

"When we scored three that cսnt Steve Bruce, Looked as though he had been on the juice his constant refrain is he does not complain but his job's going down the sluice Big Sam does not like tippy tappy the direct game is what makes him happy"

[Saul Bollox]

"A train-spotter at platform's end Thought he was go-ing round the bend He forgot to pack His favourite anorak And dark clouds the rain did portend. When we scored three that cսnt Steve Bruce, Looked as though he had been on the juice"

[Joke Whole]

There once was a bloke called Bird Who died while doing a turd The man's killer log Knocked him off the bog... And that was the last that we heard. A train-spotter at platform's end Thought he was go-ing round the bend

[Saul Bollox]

"He pulled up his collar in the fog Importuning by a public bog George Michael again, Sex trying to obtain In a place people squeeze out a log. There once was a bloke called Bird Who died while doing a turd"

[Helmut Shown]

An undertaker called Roddie Is happiest shagging a body The semen counts Of those that he mounts Is higher than most in Kirkaldy He pulled up his collar in the fog Importuning by a public bog

[Helmut Shown]

An undertaker called Roddie Is happiest shagging a body The semen counts Of those that he mounts Is higher than most in Kirkaldy He pulled up his collar in the fog Importuning by a public bog

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm now in an unfortunate bind Posting on WHO, my boss right behind, If he sees the shit I am posting on it He would start , at me, to eff and blind An undertaker called Roddie Is happiest shagging a body"

[Far East Hammer]

"There was once a conspiracy nut, Posted bollocks on this site but..... At the end of the day I actually should say It's better than some of the smut I'm now in an unfortunate bind Posting on WHO, my boss right behind"

[Saul Bollox]

"It's Gravity' Newton, he said When an apple fell down on his head Until the day he, Discovered gravity Apples all floated upwards instead. There was once a conspiracy nut, Posted bollocks on this site but....."

[TheGrudge]

"Does WHO reflect the Essex man. Mouthing off from inside his white van Labour are shite Could UKIP be right The Tories don't have a plan 'It's Gravity' Newton, he said When an apple fell down on his head"

[Saul Bollox]

"A banker bemoaning his bonus Was really showing his lowness, Their policies dross Creating a huge loss loss, Paying back? on the punters' the onus. Does WHO reflect the Essex man. Mouthing off from inside his white van"

[Far East Hammer]

"When TTIP gets the nod, You'll end up with two sorts of plod A lawyer's wankfest Is it really best? But these days such things hardly odd A banker bemoaning his bonus Was really showing his lowness"

[Joke Whole]

"I have to admit that I cried When hearing that Dozy had died Art is bereft With so few of them left ""No more reunions"" I sighed. When TTIP gets the nod, You'll end up with two sorts of plod"

[Helmut Shown]

I have to admit that I cried When hearing that Dozy had died The pop stars of yore Knocking deaths door For the rappers of today to deride That foreskinless freak at the lane Up to his old tricks again