New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

A young man from Montivideo Ate a prawn sandwich with mayo After a bit He had a wet shit While singing Belafonte's dayo In the changing rooms down at the gym A young girl sat stroking her quim

[Saul Bollox]

"The once was a poet from Slade Green Whose obsession with smut was extreme On bog walls he wrote, Filthy poems of note, But for this thread he wasn't too keen. A young man from Montivideo Ate a prawn sandwich with mayo"

[Hammer and Pickle]

"A dirty old man from Japan Exposed his little old man thereby unleashing a tsunami of bushy, growling fanny and sought shelter in the skirts of his nan The once was a poet from Slade Green Whose obsession with smut was extreme"

[Helmut Shown]

Whilst hunting around for my socks I discovered an old cardboard box An appointment card Put me straight on my guard For a clinic to test for the pox A dirty old man from Japan Exposed his little old man

[Joke Whole]

"In a sauna a convicted thief, Was having a topless relief. And under full steam He let loose his cream All over the masseur's back teeth Whilst hunting around for my socks I discovered an old cardboard box"

[Saul Bollox]

"On her back in a snooker hall She did things with a billiard ball, Inserted in her twot In the pocket 'twas shot By flexing her vaginal wall. In a sauna a convicted thief, Was having a topless relief."

[Helmut Shown]

"I've just watched some drunk hit the deck. A total, beyond pissed-up wreck With wet stains on his front This drunken old cսnt Still looked for something to neck On her back in a snooker hall She did things with a billiard ball"

[Joke Whole]

"A young lad from Saffron Walden Had a thing for a traffic warden. But once he had laid That young meter maid, Threw up an emotional cordon I've just watched some drunk hit the deck. A total, beyond pissed-up wreck."

[Far East Hammer]

A spunky young madam called Maud Was eager to please the good Lord So at his manor She sucked his 'nana Showing how her morals were floored A young lad from Saffron Walden Had a thing for a traffic warden

[Monk~koknee]

"A band, playing gigs on a ship Considered themselves cool & hip Skeep-beep de bop Bop beep bo hop Skeetle-at-de-bo-boop-day-dip A spunky young madam called Maud Was eager to please the good Lord"

[Joke Whole]

"A young lady from Tipperary Could perform tricks quite scary And for an encore Lay nude on the floor While her pussy recited Hail Mary A band, playing gigs on a ship Considered themselves cool & hip"

[Far East Hammer]

"My next door neighbour called Marge, Has an offensive vulval discharge Well how would you know? You're really that low? Next you'll be backing Farage! A young lady from Tipperary Could perform tricks quite scary"

[Saul Bollox]

"This election I'll tactically vote To get rid of a Tory scrote But a vote for Lib Dem May as well vote for ""them"". More coalition you'll promote. My next door neighbour called Marge, Has an offensive vulval discharge"

[Helmut Shown]

Sad man on a train called Portillo removes zits every day with a brillo By joining the dots made a squadron of yachts In a painting by Maurice Utrillo This election I'll tactically vote To get rid of a Tory scrote

[,]

It is oft said of the departed As they lay on the slab that they farted sounds of gas being released from the freshly deceased sound like Cameron to speak had started. Sad man on a train called Portillo removes zits every day with a brillo

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a fine Inca beauty, Giving pleasure she saw as a duty For her dog Rover She'd often bend over Parting the cheeks of her booty It is oft said of the departed As they lay on the slab that they farted"

[Saul Bollox]

"There once was an Indian squaw, Who'd taken a job as a whore. When old Sitting Bull Who was out on the pull Made an entrance through her back door. There once was a fine Inca beauty, Giving pleasure she saw as a duty."

[Joke Whole]

"There was a young man called Danny, Who worked in a bar as a tranny. His boyfriend McDuff Had a surgical muff. Their pairing was really uncanny. There once was an Indian squaw, Who'd taken a job as a whore."

[Saul Bollox]

"An amateur meteo called Ted let the cold weather keep him in bed, This man oh so smarmy Watched Lucy Verasamy, Presenting the weather instead. There was a young man called Danny, Who worked in a bar as a tranny."

[,]

"There was a young girl called Heather, Presented the ITN weather. she examined my pecs took down my keks and tickled my arse with a feather An amateur meteo called Ted let the cold weather keep him in bed"

[,]

"There was a young girl called Heather, Presented the ITN weather. she examined my pecs took down my keks and tickled my arse with a feather An amateur meteo called Ted let the cold weather keep him in bed"

[Saul Bollox]

"I've cleared out my hard drive of porn. It's empty and now looks forlorn Unlike Paul Gadd No kiddies unclad So it's off for repairs in the morn. There was a young girl called Heather, Presented the ITN weather."

[Joke Whole]

"The football team called Bristol City Gives it's name to the rhyming slang ""Titty"" Our hero, Geoff Hurst, Gave his name to a ""First"". Line five - that's the end of this ditty. I've cleared out my hard drive of porn. It's empty and now looks forlorn."

[Saul Bollox]

"There was once a farmer called Buck Made a fortune in farmyard muck HIs high end manure Hundred percent pure, Shat from horses, pigs, cows and a duck. The football team called Bristol City Gives it's name to the rhyming slang ""Titty"""

[Helmut Shown]

"My wife says I drive like James Hunt, But I just HAVE to be at the front, When I see a small gap I'll carve up the sap behind me, risking a shunt There was once a farmer called Buck Made a fortune in farmyard muck"