New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Monk~koknee]

I once had a date with a nurse And thought that things couldn't get worse She showed me her love With a tight latex glove Which proved to be rather perverse An alien man with a probe Had searched to the ends of the globe

[Joke Whole]

"A young lady from Walthamstow Had an incredible camel toe To keep it quite neat She packed it with meat From Dewson's, of Bromley-By-Bow I once had a date with a nurse And thought that things couldn't get worse"

[Far East Hammer]

My neighbour has just shaved her muff But left round her arsehole all rough Well how would you know? Have you had a go? Leaving her bloke in a right huff! A young lady from Walthamstow Had an incredible camel toe

[Joke Whole]

"There ain't much of a selection At the next General Election Don't be an old farty, Vote for a small party And big boys will lose their erection My neighbour has just shaved her muff But left round her arsehole all rough"

[Far East Hammer]

"Now that our deal with Fletcher Has gone all tits up, I'll betcha We're fools Fat Sam'll say Even though any day Darryn'll be on a stretcher There ain't much of a selection At the next General Election"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"This transfer deadline is a yawn, I'd sooner sit hear watching porn. I really meant 'here' But you see I am queer And that's just the way I was born Now that our deal with Fletcher Has gone all tits up, I'll betcha"

[Saul Bollox]

"This limerick lark is all jokes It's poofters what do it, not blokes Or tired old gits With non functioning bits, in spite of their efforts to coax. This transfer deadline is a yawn, I'd sooner sit hear watching porn."

[Saul Bollox]

"This limerick lark is all jokes It's poofters what do it, not blokes Or tired old gits With non functioning bits, in spite of their efforts to coax. This transfer deadline is a yawn, I'd sooner sit hear watching porn."

[Joke Whole]

"A man went to the brothel one day But when it was time for him to pay. He'd run out of folding And so was left holding His meat and two veg on a tray. This limerick lark is all jokes It's poofters what do it, not blokes"

[Saul Bollox]

"Our tea lady Doris is fun Put exlax inside Fat Sam's bun Spent the day on the bog Doing log after log, Nearly midnight before he was done. A man went to the brothel one day But when it was time for him to pay."

[Monk~koknee]

"For his medical Darren Fletcher I heard turned up on a stretcher ""Get him out of my ground"" Sullys voice did resound He's ""No use as a carry and fetcher"" Our tea lady Doris is fun Put exlax inside Fat Sam's bun"

[Far East Hammer]

"For us no relegation thriller. We could be worse, just like the Villa But much more Fat Sam At the great West Ham Will just leave me feeling iller For his medical Darren Fletcher I heard turned up on a stretcher"

[Saul Bollox]

"We head down the table with speed And common sense is what we need, We need skill, we need flair, For that he doesn't care It just isn't part of his creed. For us no relegation thriller. We could be worse, just like the Villa"

[Joke Whole]

"The manager's position he abuses Just a long long line of excuses ""I play MY own men!"" As we lose - yet again And play to our strengths he refuses. We head down the table with speed And common sense is what we need"

[Helmut Shown]

"Next up came Sir Trevor Brooking God said at your life we've been looking. ""While you hang around and wait warm yourself by the grate Fat Sam's in there cooking"" The manager's position he abuses Just a long long line of excuses"

[Saul Bollox]

"Big Sams at those old pearly gates When god turns to him and he states, You've sinned, gourmandised,, By the fans you're despised So hell-fire and brimstone awaits. Next up came Sir Trevor Brooking God said at your life we've been looking."

[Monk~koknee]

"He's taken our foot off the gas And proven to all he's an ass We're now in reverse Top gear he's averse No euro adventure, alas Big Sams at those old pearly gates When god turns to him and he states"

[Joke Whole]

"The rules by which this league is played For rich clubs it's success ready made And as for the rest? The admin ""suggest"" That winning is what they evade. He's taken our foot off the gas And proven to all he's an ass"

[Saul Bollox]

"The way that he has West Ham play I'd like him sent on his way You will always see His negativity, More long balls to big blokes, He'll say. The rules by which this league is played For rich clubs it's success ready made"

[Helmut Shown]

Fletcher's turned up and supports a kit change including brown shorts But the doctor cried foul On his quivering bowel Another of our transfer aborts The way that he has West Ham play I'd like him sent on his way

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Fletcher's turned up and supports a kit change including brown shorts With all the Africans around The press they are bound To call us the licorice allsorts I ask if it's just only me Who doubts that we need this Hendrie

[,]

"It seems to get harder each time, To write a new and witty line. whether pithy and brief or a tract by Montieth I'm much better off quaffing some wine Fletcher's turned up and supports a kit change including brown shorts"

[Saul Bollox]

"I can HEAR all you booing and hissing 'Cos Kouyate, the cսnt, has gone missing Loyalty? fuck all! He's still in Senegal, Say all those who's doing dissing. It seems to get harder each time, To write a new and witty line."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"An operative of the Stazi Once fell asleep on the khasi His fiendish plan Was to go to Iran Unfortunately he didn't speak Farsi I can all you booing and hissing 'Cos Kouyate, the cսnt, has gone missing"

[Saul Bollox]

"The packet my iPhone came in Has filled up my recycle bin Now I have to use The general refuse, To put my household garbage therein An operative of the Stazi Once fell asleep on the khasi"