New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Coffee]

A ventriloquist dummy called Clive Hosted Drivetime on Radio 5 He laughed at the traffic reports And the delays at airports While the hand up his arse made him jive. The boss was called BFS What that stood for you never could guess

[Monk~koknee]

Having had too much to drink I blocked up my girlfriend's sink I needed to hasten To unblock the basin Which was not quite as hard as you'd think A ventriloquist dummy called Clive Hosted Drivetime on Radio 5

[Far East Hammer]

A young man from Bialystok Used to keep all his cash in a sock At the laundry he forgot And on spin dry lost the lot Leaving him feeling a right cock Having had too much to drink I blocked up my girlfriend's sink

[Saul Bollox]

"Now, once, in my town, was a man Who had an extrord'nary van, He had lots of lip, And he voted UKIP And they say he supported West Ham. A young man from Bialystok Used to keep all his cash in a sock"

[Joke Whole]

"Yesterday while in a public lav, I was being eyed by a big chav As he was in the trap first, (I guess) It could have been worse So I fucked off with all that I have. Now, once, in my town, was a man Who had an extrord'nary van"

[Saul Bollox]

"One of my great dislikes Is nighttime noisy motor bikes, And also these days I hate mincing gays And those ""looks like a builder"" bull dykes. Yesterday while in a public lav, I was being eyed by a big chav"

[Helmut Shown]

There once was a planner could Jean Wanted houses where Fords had once been No if ands or buts Thatched mud huts For those with an African lean One of my great dislikes Is nighttime noisy motor bikes

[Monk~koknee]

"My keyboard, it just has to go I sometimes press ""I"" but get ""O"" No Escape and no End I've no Home my friend I'm out of Control, cheerio There once was a planner could Jean Wanted houses where Fords had once been"

[Joke Whole]

"A man with huge whiskers called Sears Had given up shaving for years ""I've grown quite attached,"" ""To a mouth that is thatched,"" ""It puts off the benders and queers."" My keyboard, it just has to go I sometimes press ""I"" but get ""O"""

[Monk~koknee]

"""Can you tell me the way to the station"" Said a young girl with some consternation ""Police, bus or train"" The chap did refrain ""I cannot tell without clarification"" A man with huge whiskers called Sears Had given up shaving for years"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A scouser once thought it a hoot Setting light to his best mate's shell suit It went up in a flash Then singed his moustache And burnt this perm to the root ""Can you tell me the way to the station"" Said a young girl with some consternation"

[Saul Bollox]

"A drummer who once missed a beat Decided he couldn't compete, He hung up his sticks Shot up a big fix After posting a last farewell tweet. A scouser once thought it a hoot Setting light to his best mate's shell suit"

[Joke Whole]

"A young girl from Vishkhapatnam, Who covered her fanny with jam. Trying to preserve Her virginal nerve She fell for that ages old scam A drummer who once missed a beat Decided he couldn't compete"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young girl from Vishkhapatnam, Who covered her fanny with jam."

[Saul Bollox]

"After having a poo It's always one wipe too few On my bed sheet. Skid marks are replete And upon my underpants too. A young girl Vishkhapatnam, Who covered her fanny with jam."

[Helmut Shown]

"She asked, ""You like hairy or bare?"" ""As long as it works, I don't care"", ""You can do as you wish As it don't smell of fish And it's warm and it's wet and it's there"" After having a poo It's always one wipe too few"

[Joke Whole]

"The was footballer called Harry Kane Who struggled to say ""what times the train"" My colour ain't wrong, So they WILL let me on To see that you don't need no brain. She asked, ""You like hairy or bare?"" ""As long as it works, I don't care"","

[One Word]

"There was a poster called coffee Whose rhymes were a little bit offy Some say he's a prick Others call him a dick I only know him as Coffee The was footballer called Harry Kane Who struggled to say ""what times the train"""

[One Word]

"There was a poster called coffee Whose rhymes were a little bit offy Some say he's a prick Others call him a dick I only know him as Coffee The was footballer called Harry Kane Who struggled to say ""what times the train"""

[cosmo smallpiece]

The heat is on in Saigon The girls are hotter than hell I have no fucking clue How this limerick thing works So I'm making it up as I go There was a poster called coffee Whose rhymes were a little bit offy

[Coffee]

"The heat here is doing my nut So, I'm off for a savage hair cut. If geography's gone to the skunk Always depend on old Monk And learn to keep your trap shut. The heat is on in Saigon The girls are hotter than hell"

[Joke Whole]

"From Calcutta to Darjeeling, I have done my share of healing. ""You've got a sore head?"" ""Then get off to bed!"" ""Just lie there and stare at the ceiling."" The heat here is doing my nut So, I'm off for a savage hair cut."

[Coffee]

"An Indian chap from Assam Ate nothing but old curried spam He then moved to Calcutta Because he was a right old nutter And spent the rest of his life supporting West Ham. From Calcutta to Darjeeling, I have done my share of healing"

[Monk~koknee]

"An old wife, on laundry day said That lost sock has turned my whites red Husband Bill did announce ""Look rather than Bounce"" You've thrown in your tampon instead An Indian chap from Assam Ate nothing but old curried spam"

[Joke Whole]

"Whilst walking along down the front, I saw and incredible stunt Two men and some goats Were getting their oats... I'm sure that's the cause of the grunt. An old wife, on laundry day said That lost sock has turned my whites red"