New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[joe blob]

"This bloke Clarkson divides opinion because, hungry, he lamped a minion There's them who are blunt And think him a cսnt, But some think he's one in a million. A German once got on a plane, Going to Dusseldorf from Spain"

[,]

"An American driver called Chuck, Seldom came out of his truck see this fat yankee bloater tried to exit his motor and in the attempt he got stuck This bloke Clarkson divides opinion because, hungry, he lamped a minion"

[joe blob]

"A pirate so seriously feared Decided to colour his beard Died it claret and blue, And his confidence grew, When in the North Bank he appeared. An American driver called Chuck, Seldom came out of his truck"

[Monk~koknee]

"The captain yelled ""Raise the anchor!"" ""For life on the high seas do I hanker."" In each port a maiden My hold fully laden And no load is spilt as a wanker A pirate so seriously feared Decided to colour his beard"

[Joke Whole]

"A trader on Wall Street named Brad Kept scores on the women he'd had. The ones he gave ten He'd have once again To not do would make him quite mad The captain yelled ""Raise the anchor!"" ""For life on the high seas do I hanker."""

[Monk~koknee]

There was a man called Ebeneezer Who once took out his lady pleaser With the setting on stun The vibration begun Till she squirted like old faithful geyser A trader on Wall Street named Brad Kept scores on the women he'd had

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young man from Beijing Had a wart on the end of his thing, In vaginal dilation, Gave clit stimulation, Which kept all the ladies smiling. There was a man called Ebeneezer Who once took out his lady pleaser"

[Helmut Shown]

"The pharmacist's daughter called Seeta, Had a smile that could not be sweeter But beneath the facade Sexuality Ill-starred As she was a rampant minge eater There was a young man from Beijing Had a wart on the end of his thing"

[Saul Bollox]

But*

[Saul Bollox]

"A fishmonger's daughter from Ryde Had a very strange feeling inside She'd been slipped a kipper And now had nipper Bot Lothario cast her aside. The pharmacist's daughter called Seeta, Had a smile that could not be sweeter"

[Helmut Shown]

"A High Street butcher named Pete, Had a young lady stroking his meat But his predilection for using his erection meant her bending over the seat A fishmonger's daughter from Ryde Had a very strange feeling inside"

[Saul Bollox]

"But on spotting her yeast His rising decreased Fucking brilliant! Best middle two lines ever. An doddery old grocer called Jack Loved to have a quick wank out the back But between cans of soup He was cursed with the droop, Hearing his old lady call him back. A High Street butcher named Pete, Had a young lady stroking his meat."

[Monk~koknee]

"There once was a randy young baker, Bent a Doris over the breadmaker But on spotting her yeast His rising decreased And he made his excuse to forsake her An doddery old grocer called Jack Loved to have a quick wank out the back"

[Saul Bollox]

"Again Fat Sam was caught chewing gum This did not impress his angry mum, If we're in the Prem still, When we move it'll still, Be just not good enough for some. There once was a randy young baker, Bent a Doris over the breadmaker"

[Far East Hammer]

A fusilier cleaning his gun Had some parts leftover when done A bit of a quagmire Because it wouldn't fire With the enemy coming it wasn't fun Again Fat Sam was caught chewing gum This did not impress his angry mum

[Monk~koknee]

They say that the climate will change And the weather we get will be strange The seasons confused The birds are bemused And the weathercock fully deranged A fusilier cleaning his gun Had some parts leftover when done

[Joke Whole]

"The Millwall team caravan broke down On the outskirts of a northern town It was made out of pegs, And on it's last legs And driven by Krusty the Clown They say that the climate will change And the weather we get will be strange"

[Far East Hammer]

"Her cousin over in Dover Had a dog she called Rover Quite an ugly mutt It must be said, but He saved her from a lot of bovver The Millwall team caravan broke down On the outskirts of a northern town"

[Coffee]

A young lady in the Pyrenees Was famous for her really cute knees When further examination Showed her point of creation She laughed and began her striptease. Her cousin over in Dover Had a dog she called Rover

[Far East Hammer]

A tough guy who lived in Provence Got hit by a bat on his bonce The one that hit him Was his rape victim Turned out he was really a nonce A young lady in the Pyrenees Was famous for her really cute knees

[Monk~koknee]

"A drunk on a District line train Pissed himself and said something profane ""I'm fucking too stressed"" ""For heading up West"" Changed at Bank for Chancery Lane A tough guy who lived in Provence Got hit by a bat on his bonce"

[Monk~koknee]

"A drunk on a District line train Pissed himself and said something profane ""I'm fucking too stressed"" ""For heading up West"" Changed at Bank for Chancery Lane A tough guy who lived in Provence Got hit by a bat on his bonce"

[joe blob]

"This bloke next to me on the bus Seems hell bent on causing a fuss, A fucking disgrace, Uncovered on his face Weeping sores, some of which oozing pus. A drunk on a District line train Pissed himself and said something profane"

[cosmo smallpiece]

A win for the Hammers is fine And a T*ttenh*m loss is divine. But if someone caused pain To that mong Harry Kane I'd be walking on cloud fucking nine! This bloke next to me on the bus Seems hell bent on causing a fuss

[joe blob]

"I'm counting up insects, for fun. I've got to 4,001 For sanity's sake I am taking a break With a hot cup of tea and a bun. A win for the Hammers is fine And a T*ttenh*m loss is divine."