New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"The Duke of Argyll was a rotter A devious back-stabbing plotter This Scotch nobleman, A disgrace to the clan Who once tried to bum-fuck an otter. A stunning young girl from Sri Lanka On her pudendum spotted a chancre."

[Monk~koknee]

The reason the Titanic sank Was that it was built like a tank But to be more precise Running into the ice Meant the captain was [blankety blank] The Duke of Argyll was a rotter A devious back-stabbing plotter

[Joke Whole]

"And viewed from different angles When did you last have some Spangles? The best answer, by far? See: ""Dead DJ star"" ""Who's jewellery jingles & jangles"" The reason the Titanic sank Was that it was built like a tank"

[joe blob]

"Golden cup, five boys chocolate, Nux bars Where are they, these bygone stars? I'm not really keen On hese bars that have been I'm pissing off out for a Mars. And viewed from different angles When did you last have some Spangles?"

[joe blob]

"Golden cup, five boys chocolate, Nux bars Where are they, these bygone stars? I'm not really keen On hese bars that have been I'm pissing off out for a Mars. And viewed from different angles When did you last have some Spangles?"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man, so it seems, Every night he was having wet dreams He consulted physicians Re his night time emissions Who gave him tablets unguents and creams Golden cup, five boys chocolate, Nux bars Where are they, these bygone stars?"

[joe blob]

"There was a young man from Mojacar Had an item wedged in his clacker, A customs man thought, ""A full body, I ought,"", He's now doing bird, silly facker. There was a young man, so it seems, Every night he was having wet dreams."

[Helmut Shown]

"An MP was caught with his pants down His PA was red-faced with a frown With complete lack of class Had his cock up her arse He'll deny it of course, what a clown There was a young man from Mojacar Had an item wedged in his clacker"

[Far East Hammer]

There lived a cheap tailor from Rhyl Who made all his trousers from twill Not so popular Business did not go far When he died there was nowt in his will An MP was caught with his pants down His PA was red-faced with a frown

[Far East Hammer]

There was an old girl from Madrid Had underage sex with a kid And within a blink Was put into clink Of her society was rid An MP was caught with his pants down His PA was red-faced with a frown

[Monk~koknee]

There was an old girl from Madrid Had underage sex with a kid Though age of consent For a goat wasn't meant She was fined about fifty odd quid There lived a cheap tailor from Rhyl Who made all his trousers from twill

[Helmut Shown]

Oops There was an old girl from Madrid Had underage sex with a kid

[Helmut Shown]

My bird walked in on her best friend Who was playing with my bell end Down to earth with a bump Back on the hand pump Many nights on the sofa I'll spend

[Far East Hammer]

A man with some news to announce Established twelve twitter accounts Said Clarkson thumped his mate Got the news a bit late Embarrassing's to what it amounts My bird walked in on her best friend Who was playing with my bell end

[Monk~koknee]

"Please Saul, Monk-oknee and Shown Don't leave me with these clowns, alone. The scoundrels just fart At the limerick art Treating meter and rhyme as unknown A man with some news to announce Established twelve twitter accounts"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A rent boy who worked Piccadilly. Had a rather unusual willy Was chewed out of shape From an ill-fated rape Of a Doberman Pinscher called Billy Please Saul, Monk-oknee and Shown Don't leave me with these clowns, alone."

[joe blob]

There was a young lady from Hove Who enjoyed a shag on her stove Never in the sack And most times up the back Twas orgasmic perfection she strove. A rent boy who worked Piccadilly. Had a rather unusual willy

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young lady called Esther Whose exploits left men to fester Claimed she was game But was quite tame So her blokes quickly left her There was a young lady from Hove Who enjoyed a shag on her stove

[Joke Whole]

"Alan Titchmarsh was in his garden When approached by some mafia men Who formed a big ring, Then started to sing, In the style of Sir Christopher Wren. The last train, it slowly pulled out And those left behind had no doubt"

[Coffee]

"Alan Titchmarsh was in his garden When approached by some mafia men But the men had no poet, Not even after a glass of Moet, And left FEH protecting the rhyme. There was a young lady called Esther Whose exploits left men to fester"

[Far East Hammer]

There once was a man called Popeye For whom spinach would make him fly A sight like you've never seen After a mouthful of green He really made Olive Oyl sigh Alan Titchmarsh was in his garden When approached by some mafia men

[Coffee]

Sullivan thought it time to fix Allardyce's woeful tactics He recruited Obelisk Who offered no risk As assistant to Asterix. There once was a man called Popeye For whom spinach would make him fly

[Far East Hammer]

The aliens circled the globe To seek out some humans to probe They didn't really like Their big fan David Icke So they sought out a xenophobe Sullivan thought it time to fix Allardyce's woeful tactics

[Monk~koknee]

"A German once got on a plane, Going to Dusseldorf from Spain There is no explaining The unscheduled deplaning Let's hope it don't happen again The aliens circled the globe To seek out some humans to probe"

[joe blob]

"This bloke Clarkson divides opinion because, hungry, he lamped a minion There's them who are blunt And think him a cսnt, But some think he's one in a million. A German once got on a plane, Going to Dusseldorf from Spain"