New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Monk~koknee]

My neighbour's got a cunting cat Always shitting on my door mat It's death was desreved But went unobserved What would Schrödinger think about that? At afternoon tea in Tashkent Two ladies were fucking one gent

[Far East Hammer]

"A young man saved all his dough For the local brothel to go ""Are you stupid or something?"" Was told ""ten quid gets nothing!"" So he emerged feeling quite low My neighbour's got a cunting cat Always shitting on my door mat"

[Saul Bollox]

"The economy's ok in the square mile But for most there's no reason to smile, Great for those of us who, Have a bob or two, And they'ready to make more of a pile. A young man saved all his dough For the local brothel to go"

[Helmut Shown]

"The Returning Officer at Crewe Said ""we've mislaid a ballot or two"" More dirty tricks From public school pricks Paedophile pushers of poo The economy's ok in the square mile But for most there's no reason to smile"

[Monk~koknee]

"The election has started, of course, The Alf Garnetts on WHO out in force To get a brown neighbour You simply vote labour Though that's not from a reliable source The Returning Officer at Crewe Said ""we've mislaid a ballot or two"""

[Saul Bollox]

"Fat Sam may continue his career At West Ham United I fear And you can bet, That our aerial threat, Is the only tactic next year. The election has started, of course, The Alf Garnetts on WHO out in force"

[Helmut Shown]

I got into musical art And went to see the D'Lyle Carte With the lifts and the bends You could lose your best friends when inadvertently dropping a fart Fat Sam may continue his career At West Ham United I fear

[Helmut Shown]

"Confused as to what Lapland's about Feeling up a girl-elf, got kicked out She felt quite hurt With my hand up her skirt And three fingers stuck up her clout Fat Sam may continue his career At West Ham United I fear"

[Helmut Shown]

"Confused as to what Lapland's about Feeling up a girl-elf, got kicked out She felt quite hurt With my hand up her skirt And three fingers stuck up her clout Fat Sam may continue his career At West Ham United I fear"

[Saul Bollox]

"Confused as to what Lapland's about Feeling up a girl-elf, got kicked out While old Santa Claus, And girls with no drawers, Did things I could not talk about. I got into musical art And went to see the D'Lyle Carte"

[Far East Hammer]

"There was a young man from Doha Bought himself an electric guitar It did incredible things With his beard caught in the strings His noise music career went quite far Confused as to what Lapland's about Feeling up a girl-elf, got kicked out"

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a cricketer called Mallender Who decided to look at his calendar In letters of red It said ""three in a bed"" Him in a threesome with her pal and her Really struggled with that one! There was a young man from Dohar Bought himself an electric guitar"

[Coffee]

"A lifeguard looked out to the sea Where a shark stalked a man on a ski The man said, Hi there, Jaws, If you want me I'm all yours, But just wait while I go for a pee. There once was a cricketer called Mallender Who decided to look at his calendar"

[Monk~koknee]

"Lying nude on a naturist beach, A bloke started eating a peach The skin is not hairy I'll now have a cherry Then two melons at 90p each A lifeguard looked out to the sea Where a shark stalked a man on a ski"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young girl got into the habit Of using a large Rampant Rabbit From a shop owned by Gold, To her bloke it was sold, The bloke with whom she does co-habit. Lying nude on a naturist beach, A bloke started eating a peach"

[Helmut Shown]

On the toilet while having a shit He had an epileptic fit Bite marks on his tongue And smelling of dung Quite a state I'll admit A young girl got into the habit Of using a large Rampant Rabbit

[Saul Bollox]

"A cսnt is a wonderful thing Particularly young and thin and covered with hair, whether dark, red or fair, Tis a sight to make anyone grin. On the toilet while having a shit He had an epileptic fit"

[BRANDED]

One day MInnie the Minx Was standing in front of the sphinx She thought it was nice And said so twice But no one gave a shit since A cսnt is a wonderful thing Particularly young and thin

[Saul Bollox]

"The character Desperate Dan was trans gender and really called Jan, But often used her gob, To give a good blow job For a score to any passing man. One day MInnie the Minx Was standing in front of the sphinx"

[,]

"It is said that Dennis the Menace, Went on a holiday to Venice he picked up a smasher who did not like Gnasher cos' he stole the balls when they played tennis The character Desperate Dan was trans gender and really called Jan"

[Saul Bollox]

"One day Lord Snooty and Pals Went orf to the Med with some gals In the big Casino They lost all their dough, Now Snooty's a bargee on canals. It is said that Dennis the Menace, Went on a holiday to Venice"

[Monk~koknee]

Our academy's in disarray In the first team they won't get to play Young Searsy say some Once scored goals for fun But now driving a tractor all day One day Lord Snooty and Pals Went orf to the Med with some gals

[Helmut Shown]

The footballer Fabien Delph On waking found he'd shit himself His lack of control Of his rear facing hole Means he'll probably end up on the shelf Our academy's in disarray In the first team they won't get to play

[Saul Bollox]

"A man on a train to Cleethorpes In the toilet discovered a corpse, But it was nowhere When the guard arrived there The result of time and space warps. The footballer Fabien Delph On waking found he'd shit himself"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A stunning young girl from Sri Lanka On her pudendum spotted a chancre. When her boyfriend ""what Is that thing on your twot?"" She replied ""it's an ulcer, you wanker!"" A man on a train to Cleethorpes In the toilet discovered a corpse"