New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Joke Whole]

"As the summer evenings get lighter The skirts get shorter and tighter It's fine on the girls, With their long legged twirls But on men it's a ""Thank you, goodnighter"" I've met a new girl I quite like, But friends say she's known as a bike."

[Helmut Shown]

"With a successful pulling attempt, We get post coital contempt After doing the deed If she swallows your seed You'll let her off, she's exempt As the summer evenings get lighter The skirts get shorter and tighter"

[joe blob]

"When you feel like you've had a good shit When you look there's no sign of it, The point i'll not flog, It's called a phantom log The science, at this stage, I'll omit. With a successful pulling attempt, We get post coital contempt"

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young lady called Brenda With unsightly hanging pudenda Many of the chaps We're put off by her flaps As they looked like they'd been through a blender When you feel like you've had a good shit When you look there's no sign of it

[joe blob]

"In Camelot, Arthur was certain He'd love to part Guinny's beef curtains But he saw Lancelot, In her coming his lot, His hopes then, had gone for a Burton. There was a young lady called Brenda With unsightly hanging pudenda"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"Fatty is remains in his post His players have given up the ghost While the fans get to spend Another shitty weekend He's at home eating fish heads on toast In Camelot, Arthur was certain He'd love to part Guinny's beef curtains"

[Helmut Shown]

"The fans of Spurs and Liverpool Are odious cunts, as a rule champions league preclusion living a delusion It's only themselves that they fool Fatty is remains in his post His players have given up the ghost"

[joe blob]

"A Tottenham fan was in pain Having just seen them lose at the lane He had had some hope But just could not cope, With no last minute dive from mong Kane. The fans of Spurs and Liverpool Are odious cunts, as a rule."

[cosmo smallpiece]

A witch had popped out for a spell And returned to a very strange smell From her cauldron it came And it seems those to blame We're the fairies from Dingly Dell A Tottenham fan was in pain Having just seen them lose at the lane

[Monk~koknee]

"A man who was mentally ill, Once cut off his knob for a thrill As a grand coup de grace Stuck it straight up his arse A not inconsiderable skill A witch had popped out for a spell And returned to a very strange smell"

[Saul Bollox]

"I want to go out for some fun But only when my work is done. This Good Friday Is no ordinary day, So I'm of for tea and hot cross bun. A man who was mentally ill, Once cut off his knob for a thrill."

[cosmo smallpiece]

I want to go out for some fun But only when my work is done I'm a responsible sort And I think that I ought To make my chores number one A middle aged teacher from Chertsey Before sex used to make his wife curtsey

[cosmo smallpiece]

I want to go out for some fun But only when my work is done I'm a responsible sort And I think that I ought To make my chores number one A middle aged teacher from Chertsey Before sex used to make his wife curtsey

[Joke Whole]

"The once was a man from Brindisi, Who live a life sordid and sleazy Under Islamic law A nine year old whore Made all that he sought just so easy I want to go out for some fun But only when my work is done."

[joe blob]

"The people on here think it true The shit Katie Hopkins does spew, The right wing crap, Seems to be on tap It;s just like Alf Garnett on WHO. The once was a man from Brindisi, Who live a life sordid and sleazy"

[Helmut Shown]

"A cow lay there, chewing the cud When, suddenly, came a loud thud the cow took a fit With a deluge of shit That fell with a slap to the mud The people on here think it true The shit Katie Hopkins does spew"

[Joke Whole]

"A ticket inspector at Bank Said ""this tickets not printed it's blank"" With a doff of his cap He barked ""Mind the gap!"" It's him for that phrase you must thank. A cow lay there, chewing the cud When, suddenly, came a loud thud."

[Monk~koknee]

"A young man from Ladbroke Grove, Down a country lane once drove With wild oats to reap He pleasured a sheep And then left with payment, the cove A ticket inspector at Bank Said ""this tickets not printed it's blank"""

[joe blob]

"After shagging down Lovers Lane He asked her ""Can we try again?"" ""I'll go through the back doors But don't take off yer drawers, I'll pull the gusset if I may."" A young man from Ladbroke Grove, Down a country lane once drove."

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A masseuse who worked in Trivandrum, Was stroking an old geezer's bum When he asked the old man "" How you likin' it Dan?"" He said "" Great son, but don't tell your mum"" After shagging down Lovers Lane He asked her ""Can we try again?"""

[joe blob]

"There's a hostelry down in Bombay Where refreshments are free, so they say. And for 200 rupees, You can do as you please, With a lady who's changed every day. A masseuse who worked in Trivandrum, Was stroking an old geezer's bum"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"On a night out in old Chittagong i realised something was wrong Having sampled a curry I knew I must hurry To empty my pants 'fore too long There's a hostelry down in Bombay Where refreshments are free, so they say"

[joe blob]

"After a night out in Bishkek I was left feeling a right wreck, Ranting obtusely Vomiting profusely, and pisiing all down my left keck. On a night out in old Chittagong i realised something was wrong."

[Far East Hammer]

The weather was good in Ashgabat So Boris visited with his mutt After its dinner Let rip a stinker So he had to plug its vile butt After a night out in Bishkek I was left feeling a right wreck

[Coffee]

At afternoon tea in Tashkent Two ladies were fucking one gent Vlad was his name And sex was his game While Ludmilla stayed in Moscow to vent. The weather was good in Ashgabat So Boris visited with his mutt