New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Joke Whole]

"The conservative candidate Piers Had a night out wth Nigel for beers Both elephant's trunk, The two of them stunk Of an ""in-cottage"" habit by queers. The land of the brave and the free Will invade your land with such glee..."

[Monk~koknee]

The election now boils down to luck Most people do not give a fuck The supposition Is a new coalition With unholy alliances struck The conservative candidate Piers Had a night out wth Nigel for beers

[Saul Bollox]

"He said he'd sort the NHS But he's caused nothing more than distress In him you can't trust and the truth, he's not fussed, He will leave the country in a mess. The election now boils down to luck Most people do not give a fuck."

[Helmut Shown]

A bloke who's a trainer of falcans Got kicked very hard in the Balkans. Laying down wondering who Left a size eleven shoe Perhaps it was Christopher Walken's He said he'd sort the NHS But he's caused nothing more than distress

[Helmut Shown]

A bloke who's a trainer of falcans Got kicked very hard in the Balkans. Laying down wondering who Left a size eleven shoe Perhaps it was Christopher Walken's He said he sort the NHS But he's caused nothing more than distress

[Saul Bollox]

"Bin bag day on my street When a food bag burst on my feet All over the ground Spud peel, onions were found It's put me off going to eat. A bloke who's a trainer of falcans Got kicked very hard in the Balkans."

[Saul Bollox]

"Bin bag day on my street When a food bag burst on my feet All over the ground Spud peel, onions were found"

[Saul Bollox]

"Over the hills they went Heskey, Ferdinand and Bent To show they were tough They were going to live rough And would stay a few nights in a tent. A bloke who's a trainer of falcans Got kicked very hard in the Balkans."

[Helmut Shown]

"Over the hills they went Heskey, Ferdinand and Bent They've moved on they say For a last big pay day I'm sure it helps pay the rent Bin bag day on my street When a food bag burst on my feet"

[handball]

"There was a young man called Danny, ate chocolate bars from his wife's fanny he got a brown nose and went into a dose so rubbed it all over his Nanny Over the hills they went Heskey, Ferdinand and Bent"

[Helmut Shown]

"While pleasuring a lady in Rome Dick covered her body in foam he lost all control trying to slip in her hole wrong target, dick covered in loam There was a young man called Danny, ate chocolate bars from his wife's fanny"

[Monk~koknee]

"There once was a pervert called Reg, Liked to expose his meat and two veg Displayed his fine boner To a burly landowner Who tossed him right over the hedge While pleasuring a lady in Rome Dick covered her body in foam"

[Saul Bollox]

*luck

[Saul Bollox]

"For ages I've been sat on the loo Anticipating a massive poo, No luck on the seat, So I rose to my feet And huge log dropped on to my shoe. Whilst walking alone through the town Saw a lady with her knickers pulled down, Thought I'd try my lick ""Do you fancy a fuck?"" But I then saw something long and brown. There once was a pervert called Reg, Liked to expose his meat and two veg"

[Helmut Shown]

Paddy opened a book called a dictionary And immediately contracted amoebic dysentery He thought it the pits with his diarrhoea shits His literacy now became secondary Whilst walking alone through the town Saw a lady with her knickers pulled down

[Far East Hammer]

Paddy opened a book called a dictionary And immediately contracted amoebic dysentery With his verbal diarrhoea All everyone could hear From both ends was squittery For ages I've been sat on the loo Anticipating a massive poo

[Far East Hammer]

Paddy opened a book called a dictionary And immediately contracted amoebic dysentery With his verbal diarrhoea All everyone could hear From both ends was squittery For ages I've been sat on the loo Anticipating a massive poo

[Coffee]

"One day Paddy and Taffy and Jock Went out dressed up as Kirk, Bones and Spock All those spuds and leeks and Scotch Made their handling of the Enterprise a botch And turned the starship into one great crock. Paddy opened a book called a dictionary And immediately contracted amoebic dysentery"

[Monk~koknee]

"A drunkard who came from Frejus, On a street corner shouted abuse He pissed all his wine On a no parking sign And was fined 50 Francs for misuse One day Paddy and Taffy and Jock Went out dressed up as Kirk, Bones and Spock"

[Saul Bollox]

"A doctor with a very strange limp Went over to France with a chimp, He got off the train At Metz in Lorraine, And was met by his brother, a pimp. A drunkard who came from Frejus, On a street corner shouted abuse."

[Jethro Q Walrustitty]

"bugger, missed mine off A doctor with a very strange limp Went over to France with a chimp"

[Jethro Q Walrustitty]

Sarah Miles I just wouldn't kiss I've heard she drinks her own piss A half-pint of gold Or so I was told Has this thread really come to this?

[Helmut Shown]

"While surfing the internet porn, I saw a girl who I'd have sworn... I'd seen on TV Countdown maybe But this one had her fanny shorn Sarah Miles I just wouldn't kiss I've heard she drinks her own piss"

[joe blob]

"These cunts on high powered bikes are top of my list of don't likes, With their black leather gear They just want you to hear And most of the fuckers are dykes. While surfing the internet porn, I saw a girl who I'd have sworn..."

[Helmut Shown]

"I've met a new girl I quite like, But friends say she's known as a bike I began to suspect When she saw me erect She splayed her bum cheeks, dirty tyke! These cunts on high powered bikes are top of my list of don't likes"