New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Joke Whole]

"The pickings have been very thin Will we see yet another banana skin We'll wail and we'll greet At another defeat - The cսnt will just cup ear and grin. We started the season so well, It seems that the players would gel"

[Helmut Shown]

There once was a man from Kentucky Wanted to do something mucky He found a young whore Who broke every law She was athletic and extremely plucky The pickings have been very thin Will we see yet another banana skin

[Saul Bollox]

"The butler was serving the soup And gave to each one of the group A knife and a fork, A large slice of pork, And mashed potatoes, one scoop. There once was a man from Kentucky Wanted to do something mucky."

[Joke Whole]

"Just before dinner got started The Queen said to Philip ""have you farted""? ""'twas but a small guff!"" He said with a huff ""The cheeks of my arse barely parted."" The butler was serving the soup And gave to each one of the group"

[Helmut Shown]

"Jack and Jill went up the hill But that Jill forgot to take her pill She looked really bonny He'd forgotten a johnny So she ended up sucking his bill Just before dinner got started The Queen said to Philip ""have you farted""?"

[Far East Hammer]

"It's said The Laughing Cavalier Laughed because he drank too much beer So of fucking course He'd fall off his horse Yielding a bruised, swollen rear It's said Jack and Jill went up the hill But that Jill forgot to take her pill"

[Saul Bollox]

"A catwalk model had a fear Of getting a bout of diarrhoea She swallowed her pride and took loperamide, From a backstage bloke who's a queer. It's said that that Constable guy Painted Flatford Mill while he was high He was having a snort But was sadly caught, By a bloke called Constable McKay. It's said The Laughing Cavalier Laughed because he drank too much beer"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"On a starry night on the Rhone, From the bushes I heard a long groan. Then a woman's voice cursed "" Fucking hell, that bratwurst!"" ""Did you buy that or is it your own?"" It's said that that Constable guy Painted Flatford Mill while he was high"

[Helmut Shown]

"On a starry night on the Rhone, From the bushes I heard a long groan It was little Franc Having a wank As he did when left on his own A catwalk model had a fear Of getting a bout of diarrhoea"

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm being sent home in a flurry So packing my bags I must hurry, I was caught in a tryst, With a Doris, when pissed, i should have just gone for a curry. On a starry night on the Rhone, From the bushes I heard a long groan."

[Joke Whole]

"It's the last government's fault they decry Now SNP's the reason why This ""Pass-the-buck"" spin Is doing me in Why can't they just say it's a lie? I'm being sent home in a flurry So packing my bags I must hurry"

[Helmut Shown]

"I've lost interest in politics, Full of liars and corrupt pricks Public school wankers In the pockets of bankers And fiddling with little boys' dicks It's the last government's fault they decry Now SNP's the reason why"

[Saul Bollox]

"So, Sturgeon is lurking about She can't be in with a shout... She's ugly,She's scotch But someone to watch. A manipulative cow there's no doubt. I've lost interest in politics, Full of liars and corrupt pricks"

[Agent Scud]

"It's begining to look, like as not Next year we'll still have the twot With the dinosaur tactic and Nolan the spastic We'll be sent down like a shot. So, Sturgeon is lurking about She can't be in with a shout..."

[Helmut Shown]

"So Katie Hopkins is packing her bag Will anyone miss the hoity toit hag? departing from here? The ""cսnt of the year"" Fuck off you horrible slag It's beggining to look, like as not Next year we'll still have the twot"

[Helmut Shown]

"So Katie Hopkins is packing her bag Will anyone miss the hoity toit hag? departing from here? The ""cսnt of the year"" Fuck off you horrible slag It's beggining to look, like as not Next year we'll still have the twot"

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young man called Miles Suffered badly from low hanging piles When caught on a fence The pain was intense A sensation that certainly riles So Katie Hopkins is packing her bag Will anyone miss the hoity toit hag?

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young man called Mick Tried to increase the size of his dick Once maybe twice Used a suction device It's stil short and not very thick There was a young man called Miles Suffered badly from low hanging piles

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young lady from Ayr Had crabs in her pubic hair All her men who got close Ended up with a dose, To be honest she just doesn't care There was a young man called Mick Tried to increase the size of his dick."

[Helmut Shown]

A slapper picked up in Brack-nell Exuded an amonia smell. I'd have a punt That her unwashed cսnt Was making everybody unwell There was a young lady from Ayr Had crabs in her pubic hair

[Saul Bollox]

"I once flew Cathay to Key Largo. Took with me a very strange cargo, The airline I'm afraid Say the thing's been mislaid. I should have sent it by Wells Fargo, A slapper picked up in Brack-nell Exuded an amonia smell."

[easthambull]

"Big Sam stays according to Karen, More years of football that's barren If true that is poor You fucking old whore Rather him though, than that cսnt McClaren. I once flew Cathay to Key Largo. Took with me a very strange cargo"

[joe blob]

"In the loo Clegg was caught in his zipper Then in walked a father with his nipper They could see that he Did not wash his wll-ly, In fact it stunk like an old kipper. Big Sam stays according to Karen, More years of football that's barren"

[Far East Hammer]

"A muslim girl wearing a veil Was caught theiving at Tott'nam Hale Face then exposed, umbrage! For was Nigel Farage Staging a stunt, the cuntish male In the loo Clegg was caught in his zipper Then in walked a father with his nipper"

[Saul Bollox]

"A rabbi from Stamford Hill Spending money made him feel ill Renewing at ""The Lane"" Made him shout things profane, And wrung hands on receipt of a bill. A muslim girl wearing a veil Was caught theiving at Tott'nam Hale"