New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[easthambull]

"Oops A young lady from St Moritz Was concerned by the size of her tits Her nips were huge the colour of rouge and all covered in scabs and zits A politician's last hurrah was an unspeakable act, on a barge"

[easthambull]

"A young lady from Cambridge Kept some KY in her fridge It chilled the soul and greased her arsehole for Mary, Mungo and Midge A politician's last hurrah was an unspeakable act, on a barge"

[Helmut Shown]

A young lady from Cambridge Kept some KY in her fridge The resultant buzz Rubbed into her fuzz Made it look like a bacon sand-wich A young lady from St Moritz Was concerned by the size of her tits

[Far East Hammer]

There once was a tramp in King's Lynn. Found a bit of a pie in a bin. He had a quick munch It did him for lunch Though it did his insides in A young lady from Cambridge Kept some KY in her fridge

[Saul Bollox]

When sat on a bog in a train The door opened as he started to strain His anus then bled As a huge turtle head Burst out like the cork of Champagne. There once was a tramp in King's Lynn. Found a bit of a pie in a bin.

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man called Andy, With his Auntie he once became randy She took him to bed And sat on his head When she left she tottered off bandy When sat on a bog in a train The door opened as he started to strain"

[Saul Bollox]

"Them drug smugglers are now dead and rotting But something has sure been forgotten In Indonesia They are quite severe In England they'll wrap you in cotton. There was a young man called Andy, With his Auntie he once became randy."

[Joke Whole]

"Whilst shagging a hooker in Neath That same geezer lost his false teeth They turned up in Rhyl, Which gave him a thrill But getting them back caused him grief. Them drug smugglers are now dead and rotting But something has sure been forgotten"

[Far East Hammer]

There once was a dirty old geezer. Picked up a black hooker in Pisa Showed her his tower Inside her shower Then shagged while chewing a malteser Whilst shagging a hooker in Neath That same geezer lost his false teeth

[Saul Bollox]

"A hooker was quite famous in Seoul By her fanny she had a large mole, Had a very flat chest And wore a string vest, And she used to shit in a bowl. There once was a dirty old geezer. Picked up a black hooker in Pisa"

[Far East Hammer]

"A Jap girl for sex charged her men, But me? I just hadn't the yen And nowhere near a bank I was just left to wank So that's my last time in Echizen A hooker was quite famous in Seoul By her fanny she had a large mole"

[Saul Bollox]

"When I was young my girlfriend went potty When I caught her and saw her bare botty Now, last week let a Pole Lick her out round her hole, And she charged him a hundred Zloty. A Jap girl for sex charged her men, But me? I just hadn't the yen"

[Helmut Shown]

"By going through the wrong door, I once fucked my Mother in Law Some may think it sick That she sucked on my dick And no teeth in, the dirty old whore When I was young my girlfriend went potty When I caught her and saw her bare botty"

[Saul Bollox]

"Seems he's no longer her mister As he was caught with her sister With her he did plea ""It's mistaken ID,"" But the dirty cսnt did try to fist 'er. By going through the wrong door, I once fucked my Mother in Law"

[Far East Hammer]

"A footballer's girlfriend lay back And let her pet dog lick her crack She was all forlorn When watching youporn Filmed, uploaded, panic attack Seems he's no longer her mister As he was caught with her sister"

[Saul Bollox]

"I find the problem with Mondays Is I'm in a post-weekend daze But when you're retired You will be inspired, And can stink in your bed on all days. A footballer's girlfriend lay back And let her pet dog lick her crack"

[Far East Hammer]

'for Christmas we had so much hope. Our manager just couldn't cope He's a dinosaur oaf Who just won't use his loaf Leaving us fans doomed to mope I find the problem with Mondays Is I'm in a post-weekend daze

[Joke Whole]

Respect the point is what we're told Now maybe I'm grumpy and old But I remember the glee With points won per game: three 'tis better to battle than fold. 'for Christmas we had so much hope. Our manager just couldn't cope

[Far East Hammer]

In a temple north of Katmandu An earthquake has crushed Mad Carew One of many who died For sure I would have lied If I said it was something I didn't rue Respect the point is what we're told Now maybe I'm grumpy and old

[Far East Hammer]

In a temple north of Katmandu An earthquake has crushed Mad Carew One of many who died For sure I would have lied If I said it was something I didn't rue Respect the point is what we're told Now maybe I'm grumpy and old

[Saul Bollox]

"I used to have a dog called Eric Who once bit the local cleric The bite was neglected It grew badly infected, He ended looking like Joseph Merrick. In a temple north of Katmandu An earthquake has crushed Mad Carew"

[Jethro Q Walrustitty]

"He claims he's got really thick skin But I've found a subtle way in While he's chewing his gum Appeal to his tum Say ""No fish"" til we win I used to have a dog called Eric Who once bit the local cleric"

[Joke Whole]

"As our manager fat Sam's not fit Week in week out, total shit Must have the board by the balls Making all those crap calls And caring not one little bit. He claims he's got really thick skin But I've found a subtle way in"

[Helmut Shown]

"A lesbian, a chav and a queer, All went to buy stuff in IKEA The chav and the dyke Couldn't find what they like the poof went home with the cashier As our manager fat Sam's not fit Week in week out, total shit"

[Saul Bollox]

"We started the season so well, It seems that the players would gel Our defence with it's holes Was letting in goals It should have rung an alarm bell. A lesbian, a chav and a queer, All went to buy stuff in IKEA"