New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

Katie Hopkins was snorting some coke When in walked a scruffy Tory bloke The powder? Not a trace As he farted in her face I don't think that she saw the joke As he sat on a bench eating lunch He was knocked to the ground by a punch

[Far East Hammer]

A man on the Bakerloo line Was guzzling a bottle of wine Boris bellowed aloud By Jove! That's not allowed! Come back with me and share a line! Katie Hopkins was snorting some coke When in walked a scruffy Tory bloke

[cosmo smallpiece]

There was a young lady from Tottenham Went out without drawers (She'd forgotten'em) Her sister did too But that was nothing new She did it because she felt hot in 'em A man on the Bakerloo line Was guzzling a bottle of wine

[Saul Bollox]

"King Charles the first was a cad A mischievous sort of a lad He'd perfected the art Making noise like a fart, And blaming it all on his Dad. There was a young lady from Tottenham Went out without drawers (She'd forgotten'em)"

[cosmo smallpiece]

Grand Admiral Karl Doenitz Had a liking for very large tits Whilst Major Debussey Had a penchant for pussy And women with hairy armpits King Charles the first was a cad A mischievous sort of a lad

[Saul Bollox]

"A couple of firewalking lads Had some trouble, got burnt on the nads When a secret trip wire, was placed over the fire By a pair of despicable cads. Grand Admiral Karl Doenitz Had a liking for very large tits"

[Helmut Shown]

"""Sister Mary"" said Mother Superior ""There are love bites upon your posterior"" A combination in cloisters Of nuns eating oysters Whose Technique in the sack was inferior A couple of firewalking lads Had some trouble, got burnt on the nads"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"There was a young man from Verona, Who could not get rid of his boner. To please his wife Alice He took 4 Cialis Washed down with a case of Corona ""Sister Mary"" said Mother Superior ""There are love bites upon your posterior"""

[Saul Bollox]

"I once spent four years off the beer Not once from my quest did I veer Until last Friday, When attacked by a gay Who shoved his cock right up my rear. There was a young man from Verona, Who could not get rid of his boner."

[Joke Whole]

"Sleeping with naked girls old Gandhi, Tried to see if he would be randy. Although it weren't right They'd shag through the night And paying in cash came in handy. I once spent four years off the beer Not once from my quest did I veer."

[Saul Bollox]

"The colonel took snuff and declared ""Those fuzzies they always run scared"" Then to their death he sent The entire regiment His judgement, they say, was impaired. Sleeping with naked girls old Gandhi, Tried to see if he would be randy."

[Monk~koknee]

"There was a young man from St Albans Sat eating a packet of bourbons They're an excellent dunk When black tea is drunk And served up by fellows with turbans The colonel took snuff and declared ""Those fuzzies they always run scared"""

[Helmut Shown]

Reading a scary bed time story Of tales that are gruesome and gory But my jitters are gone It quite turns me on As I sit here pulling my corey There was a young man from St Albans Sat eating a packet of bourbons

[Mr Polite]

These cunts on big motor bikes I'd like to IMPALE them on spikes I'd film on my phone As they painfully moan And then post it on Facebook for likes Reading a scary bed time story Of tales that are gruesome and gory

[Helmut Shown]

"fucking autocorrect! Letting your dog lick your face Is in my view, a fucking disgrace You don't know what germs Or parasitic worms after arsehole licking takes place These cunts on big motor bikes I'd like to IMPALE them on spikes"

[Helmut Shown]

"Letting your dog lick your face Is in my view, a fucking disgrace You don't know what germs Or parasitic worms after arsehole licking takes place These cunts on big motor bikes I'd like to maple them on spikes"

[Saul Bollox]

"A racist who came from Leicester Tried to look for a famous ancestor Known among xenophobes But out of Klansmen's robes, He looks a lot like Uncle Fester. Letting your dog lick your face Is in my view, a fucking disgrace"

[Helmut Shown]

"Bollocks ""Where'd you get it?"" I asked Dodgy Dan "" It fell off the back of a van"" It had a glass tube And a bottle of lube For developing your little old man A racist who came from Leicester Tried to look for a famous ancestor"

[Helmut Shown]

"A scientist in a white coat, Did once cross a pig with a goat With a curlywurly tool And a kick like a mule A zoophiliac's dream? Quite remote! A racist who came from Leicester Tried to look for a famous ancestor"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A scientist in a white coat, Did once cross a pig with a goat The mutant conclusion Of this bestial fusion When cooked, was a joy to the throat ""Where'd you get it?"" I asked Dodgy Dan "" It fell off the back of a van"""

[Joke Whole]

"Now I'm retired, I'd say I'm up at the crack of midday Which gives Dawn a rest, But here's what is best I don't have to work - only play. A scientist in a white coat, Did once cross a pig with a goat"

[Joke Whole]

"Now I'm retired, I'd say I'm up at the crack of midday Which gives Dawn a rest, But here's what is best I don't have to work - only play. A scientist in a white coat, Did once cross a pig with a goat"

[les marteaux]

"Now I'm retired, I'd say I'm up at the crack of midday"

[les marteaux]

"An alluring young mistress from Perth Liked to have outdoor sex on the earth Her minimum dong Must be 8 inches long And about 7 inches in girth. Now I'm retired, each I'd say I'm up at the crack of midday"

[Monk~koknee]

"No Manager yet is in place, I fear we are losing the race Each overseas boss They don't give a toss So Harry stands by just in case An alluring young mistreess from Perth Liked to have outdoor sex on the earth"