New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"When he's bored that Johannes Brahms Goes up to his room and self harms, Whereas Ludwig van B To the barracks goes he, And bum-fucks the Sergeant at Arms. That Piotr Thchaikovsky, they say, Behaved in a rather strange way"

[Helmut Shown]

Johann Sebastian Bach Was caught in a sexual lark He went out and got pissed On the town with Franz Lizst The bummed him in the local park When he's bored that Johannes Brahms Goes up to his room and self harms

[Far East Hammer]

"One day Gaetano Donizetti, Was eating. a bowl of spaghetti. Subsequent indigestion Underpinned inspiration For some string quartets quite pretty Johann Sebastian Bach Was caught in a sexual lark"

[Saul Bollox]

"Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter Comparing notes in the shitter Both men the same, With no sense of shame. Perverted, unhappy and bitter. One day Gaetano Donizetti, Was eating. a bowl of spaghetti."

[Far East Hammer]

Barry Hearn can you please explain Why you sided with the yids' campaign It's easy to see who Was in fact using you Are you sure you're really sane? Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter Comparing notes in the shitter

[Helmut Shown]

"Two benders who were on the tube, When one of them took out his lube In a state of undress The resultant mess Was like a crumbled Oxo cube Barry Hearn can you please explain Why you sided with the yids' campaign"

[Saul Bollox]

"A match where they're not serving beer? Do people not find that a bit queer It's them UEFA fools, That's making the rules, So discretely take in your own gear. Two benders who were on the tube, When one of them took out his lube"

[Saul Bollox]

"A match where they're not serving beer? Do people not find that a bit queer It's them UEFA fools, That's making the rules"

[Joke Whole]

"That Jeremy Clarkson, it's said, Is politically in Murdoch's bed ""He just does if for fun!"" Claims the ""soar away"" Sun The paper that's best left unread. A match where they're not serving beer? Do people not find that a bit queer?"

[Helmut Shown]

"In the senate old Julius Caesar Was considered a dirty old geezer With a lack of decorum Pulled it out in the forum While he read the front page of the Beezer That Jeremy Clarkson, it's said, Is politically in Murdoch's bed"

[Saul Bollox]

"While strolling New Orleans Latin Quarter I hooked up with a prostitute's daughter She was black she was slim With a quite hairy quim, And she said she's a West Ham supporter. In the senate old Julius Caesar Was considered a dirty old geezer"

[cosmo smallpiece]

While strolling out on Hampstead Heath I met a young man called Keith For a shitload of dosh He gave me a nosh But he first had to take out his teeth While strolling New Orleans Latin Quarter I hooked up with a prostitute's daughter

[cosmo smallpiece]

While strolling out on Hampstead Heath I met a young man called Keith For a shitload of dosh He gave me a nosh But he first had to take out his teeth While strolling New Orleans Latin Quarter I hooked up with a prostitute's daughter

[Saul Bollox]

"A working woman down in Kent Operated out of her tent. She'd give you a shag, On her old sleeping bag, And had to pay almost no rent. While strolling out on Hampstead Heath I met a young man called Keith"

[Far East Hammer]

"A French girl from near the Gare du Nord, Was built like an ironing board. Quite handy for housework From which she'd never shirk Though she'd get tangled in the iron's cord A working woman down in Kent Operated out of her tent"

[les marteaux]

"There was a a young girl from Dumbarton Well built, just like Dolly Parton Though out in the sticks, She took hundreds of dicks And the Durex she bought by the carton. A French girl from near the Gare du Nord, Was built like an ironing board."

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a man called McPhail, Who bought a new car at the sale, It didn't take long Bought for a song Because he paid cash on the nail There was a a young girl from Dumbarton Well built, just like Dolly Parton"

[les marteaux]

"There was a young girl from Alicante Whose clothing, in short, was quite scanty Sometimes with no dress And now goes topless Cos she wanted to up the ante. There once was a man called McPhail, Who bought a new car at the sale,"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young girl from Bulgaria, Who noticed her fanny was hairier From belly button to knees Her suitors she'd tease She'd fart to help find the right area There was a young girl from Alicante Whose clothing, in short, was quite scanty"

[les marteaux]

"A female athlete on drugs Trained too hard and diminished her jugs When training in parks Heard disgusting remarks Aimed at her by layabout thugs. There was a young girl from Bulgaria, Who noticed her fanny was hairier"

[,]

"After fixing Parliament We'll ask where the money went Did we pay out in Guilders, Use Polish builders, Or English contractors who are bent? A female athlete on drugs Trained too hard and diminished her jugs"

[Far East Hammer]

"Said Romeo to Julliet ""Have you swallowed it yet?"" ""but parchance, forsooth"" ""I have a bad tooth"" ""It's causing some jip, don't fret"" After fixing Parliament We'll ask where the money went"

[les marteaux]

"I was in a bit of a hurry As too quick I wolfed down my curry I threw up in the street Got vomit on my feet A thing you see often in Surrey. Said Romeo to Julliet ""Have you swallowed it yet?"""

[Far East Hammer]

"Her opinion of men further sunk, When she got touched up by a drunk Hardly a Romeo Just a bleedin' wino Who was also a defrocked monk I was in a bit of a hurry As too quick I wolfed down my curry"

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm stuck in the pub on my jack Waiting for a whisky to knock back Hoping someone will pay For my drinks for today, I can't because I got the sack. Her opinion of men further sunk, When she got touched up by a drunk"