New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

I was shagging my girlfriend in Fife When lo and behold in walked my wife Interrupted my poke On the vinegar stroke The cսnt always caused me such strife This weather today's the best With girls walking round half dressed

[Far East Hammer]

"Now. How do I tell my good wife, I've broken her best kitchen knife? Can I replace it Before it's noticed? Otherwise it might cost my life! I was shagging my girlfriend in Fife When lo and behold in walked my wife"

[Joke Whole]

"In chinatown I was quite lucky, By a babe was offered fucky fucky. But I did not suspect, As she stroked me erect She once was a butcher from Buckie. Now. How do I tell my good wife, I've broken her best kitchen knife?"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young man from Torbay He played Duncan in the Scottish play, Got the part, I think, On a nod and a wink In that field it helps if you're gay. In chinatown I was quite lucky, By a babe was offered fucky fucky."

[Helmut Shown]

The emperor called Hirohito Was chewing upon a burrito When they eat spicy food Dripping brown will extrude It happened to old Marshal Tito There was a young man from Torbay He played Duncan in the Scottish play

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A chinaman from old Shanhai, Peeked at naked girls on the sly When a friend said"" you'll find This will make you go blind"" He said ""fuck it, I'll risk just one eye"" The emperor called Hirohito Was chewing upon a burrito"

[Saul Bollox]

"The dogs are in season again They're at it all night until ten. In my local park. They yelp and they bark Next evening it's more of the same. A chinaman from old Shanhai, Peeked at naked girls on the sly"

[Joke Whole]

"There was a young lady called Faye Who had a bad takeaway It flew round her guts With some splutters & phutts, Then shot out her arse in a spray. The dogs are in season again They're at it all night until ten."

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young girl from Rome, Took a bog attendant to her home He smelt quite a bit Of stale piss and shit But at least he polished her chrome There was a young lady called Faye Who had a bad takeaway"

[Saul Bollox]

"My neighbour is so in love with her dog, She screams 'Bounder' while she's in the bog, It sniffs round her bean Then licks her arse clean After each time that she drops a log. There was a young girl from Rome, Took a bog attendant to her home"

[Spandex Sidney]

"I couldn't contain my surprise, I'd won, in a draw, the top prize But I soon got the blues, The comp was in The Gay News, And it was two massive black guys My neighbour is so in love with her dog, She screams 'Bounder' while she's in the bog,"

[joe blob]

"They say Shakespeare's plays were mistaken For stuff that was written by Bacon For William they say. Was a mincing old gay And from him the piss was much taken. I couldn't contain my surprise, I'd won, in a draw, the top prize"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"There was a young man from New Cross Who went to the bog for a toss From next door, heard a grunt He said "" Pipe down you cսnt!"" The reply, "" Jones you're fired. I'm your boss!"" They say Shakespeare's plays were mistaken For stuff that was written by Bacon"

[Joke Whole]

"Going into the season with hope No negativity from the dope It may pan out well Or the club goes to hell: We need much more faith than the Pope. I couldn't contain my surprise, I'd won, in a draw, the top prize"

[joe blob]

"Going into the season with hope No negativity from the dope The fat fucker will be, A distant memory, Let's hope the new man can cope. There was a young man from New Cross Who went to the bog for a toss"

[Helmut Shown]

What difference in rhyme would be seen If Shakespeare's Stratford was East Fifteen I think you'd be finding more effing and blinding And Juliet would be Maureen Going into the season with hope No negativity from the dope

[Helmut Shown]

What difference in rhyme would be seen If Shakespeare's Stratford was East Fifteen I think you'd be finding more effing and blinding And Juliet would be Maureen Going into the season with hope No negativity from the dope

[Monk~koknee]

"Mikhailovich Ippolitov-Ivanov, Had a sordid affair with a toff. He'd wine her and dine her Then fill he vagina With vintage champagne which he'd quaff What difference in rhyme would be seen If Shakespeare's Stratford was East Fifteen"

[joe blob]

"At the cinema before the main feature I was bitten by some unknown creature, Could not believe my eyes, As he shed his disguise Turned out to be my old maths teacher. Mikhailovich Ippolitov-Ivanov, Had a sordid affair with a toff."

[cosmo smallpiece]

Whilst sat on a bus in Helsinki A man touched his tool with his pinkie At the very next stop He let his pants drop And let off a fart which was stinky At the cinema before the main feature I was bitten by some unknown creature

[Helmut Shown]

"I was touring in old Amsterdam, When I met a young girl on the tram She wanted no truck When asked for a fuck I got beat up by Jean-Claude Van Damme Whilst sat on a bus in Helsinki A man touched his tool with his pinkie"

[joe blob]

"Some said that John Phillip Sousa Spent most of his time in the boozer But last Saturday, He was with my Aunt May, Where he took out his knob to amuse 'er. I was touring in old Amsterdam, When I met a young girl on the tram."

[Helmut Shown]

"In the brothel that Claude Debussy, Had a regular prozzie called Lucy. By licking her twot In a sensitive spot It made her pink hole very juicy Some said that John Phillip Sousa Spent most of his time in the boozer"

[Saul Bollox]

"It was said Camille Saint Saens Had on his toe a rather large corn, To get to it's roots, An ointment from Boots, The side effect? You can't get the horn. In the brothel that Claude Debussy, Had a regular prozzie called Lucy."

[Helmut Shown]

"That Piotr Thchaikovsky, they say, Behaved in a rather strange way One of them loons? Or a poof writing tunes? He fills all his mates with dismay It was said Camille Saint Saens Had on his toe a rather large corn"