New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"It was said Alexander the Great On his dong would hang a large weight Twas his inspiration To increase the sensation Of Hephaestion his best mate. To Pharoah Rameses the second, Ran every young maid when he beckoned"

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a General from Thrace, Whose manner was vulgar and base When in came a girl In her belly button a pearl And he asked her to sit on his face It was said Alexander the Great On his dong would hang a large weight"

[Saul Bollox]

"A man who was fasting in daylight Spent his food less hours on a gay site But hunger did come For both food and for bum, He thought Ramadan's a load of shite. There once was a General from Thrace, Whose manner was vulgar and base"

[Saul Bollox]

"A man who was fasting in daylight Spent his food less hours on a gay site But hunger did come For both food and for bum, He thought Ramadan's a load of shite. There once was a General from Thrace, Whose manner was vulgar and base"

[,]

"The white van men posting on this site Don't like Hamilton, cos he ain't white It's especially true If your vote is real blue And your sphincter is clenched very tight A man who was fasting in daylight Spent his food less hours on a gay site"

[Saul Bollox]

"Thanks Helmut With my grandson watching Ceebeebies Is giving me the heebie jeebies, He's sat next to me, Enjoying the TV But his nappy is full of faeces. Sorry that's the best I can come up with The white van men posting on this site, Don't like Hamilton, cos he aint white,"

[Helmut Shown]

An exotic temptress from Slough Made all the guys cry out Hung from her tits We're two twirly bits And love beads hung out of her clout With my grandson watching Ceebeebies Is giving me the heebie jeebies

[Far East Hammer]

"An old man who worked in a bank Had hair all dried up and lank Renowned as a bore He could never score So at night did nothing but wank An exotic temptress from Slough Made all the guys cry out ""wow!"""

[Helmut Shown]

"A famous prestidigitator, Invented a new stimulator Instead of juggling clubs He was enhancing rubs For the discerning masturbator An old man who worked in a bank Had hair all dried up and lank"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young girl went out on the game To seek her fortune and fame, Her first punter Cliffy, Could not get a stiffy, But paid the full whack, just the same. A famous prestidigitator, Invented a new stimulator."

[Helmut Shown]

"In a brothel the receptionist, Came into work one day quite pissed Fell asleep on the job But they made a few bob - a necrophiliac searching a tryst A young girl went out on the game To seek her fortune and fame"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young lady from East Kilbride Was more than game for a ride Charging £5 this munter Had may a punter, And they all formed a queue outside. In a brothel the receptionist, Came into work one day quite pissed ."

[Far East Hammer]

So the women's World Cup comes to pass Hope the yanks rip those Japs a new arse. Will they swap shirts at full time? If not then it's a crime (Some say that I have no class!) A young lady from East Kilbride Was more than game for a ride

[cosmo smallpiece]

"As he sat there looking out to sea He wondered where to go for a peE ""Should I wade in and slash?"" ""Would it be somewhat rash?"" ""Oh fuck it, I'm busting, let's see"" So the women's World Cup comes to pass Hope the yanks rip those Japs a new arse."

[Helmut Shown]

Now this is the story of Kate Who found herself seven weeks late Looking quite glum should have took it up her bum or done it on a safer date As he sat there looking out to sea He wondered where to go for a pee

[Helmut Shown]

Now this is the story of Kate Who found herself seven weeks late Looking quite glum should have took it up her bum or done it on a safer date

[cosmo smallpiece]

There was a young girl from Andorra Had very large labia minora From a sweaty clenched palm To the whole of your arm She could take anything put before her Now this is the story of Kate Who found herself seven weeks late

[Helmut Shown]

The team from FC Lusitans Brought only a handful of fans and most of these We're economic refugees Sidestepping all of the bans There was a young girl from Andorra Had very large labia minora

[cosmo smallpiece]

The farmer's prize cows have gone dry And even the Vet don't know why The milk they won't yield Although in the next field There's a bull with a glint in his eye The team from FC Lusitans Brought only a handful of fans

[Joke Whole]

I think they are taking the piss Expecting to return from ISIS All OUR fault they went As enough wasn't spent On making their lives here pure bliss. The farmer's prize cows have gone dry And even the Vet don't know why

[Helmut Shown]

We will kill two birds with one stone Moving Hong Kong chinese to Tyrone If of Catholic religion They can speak English (pidgin) Delivered in a bombastic tone I think they are taking the piss Expecting to return from ISIS

[Monk~koknee]

I think there's a hole in my roof. The rain's pouring in - that's the truth! A handyman Giles Came round with some tiles But I found his demeanour aloof We will kill two birds with one stone Moving Hong Kong chinese to Tyrone

[Joke Whole]

"Allardyce wondering what's next And then Redknapp sends him a text ""Don't worry, old mate,"" ""You just sit and wait."" ""The media love us old wrecks."" I think there's a hole in my roof. The rain's pouring in - that's the truth!"

[Far East Hammer]

"There once was a chap called Rex, On the Central Line showed of his pecs In the sweltering heat He stripped off on his seat Such uncouth behaviour does vex Allardyce wondering what's next And then Redknapp sends him a text"

[Far East Hammer]

"There once was a chap called Rex, On the Central Line showed of his pecs In the sweltering heat He stripped off on his seat Such uncouth behaviour does vex Allardyce wondering what's next And then Redknapp sends him a text"