New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[les marteaux]

"A man from the Ivory Coast Had a very long penis, he'd boast This unusual dong Though ten inches long, It's girth was three inches at most. A young man from Newark on Trent Had a penis incredibly bent"

[Helmut Shown]

"On a flight from London City A man groped the attendant's tittie She's an obvious flirt He had his hand up her skirt Now has a hand in the kitty A man from the Ivory Coast Had a very long penis, he'd boast"

[Saul Bollox]

"A serial killer from Bude Left his victims all bloody and nude After the mutilation He'd feel exultation, Singing songs that were vulgar and crude. On a flight from London City A man groped the attendant's tittie"

[Monk~koknee]

"A young man from near Pontefract, Was not known for his charm or his tact I’m Yorkshire and proud He’d bellow out loud His manner quite matter of fact A serial killer from Bude Left his victims all bloody and nude"

[Saul Bollox]

"Piercings are fashionable these days But I'm not taken in by the craze I am somewhat dejected My Prince Albert's infected, Thankfully it's the wife's menstrual phase. A young man from near Pontefract, Was not known for his charm or his tact"

[Far East Hammer]

"I think it really is dumb To have tattoos on your cock or bum Three letters on your frontside Old Testament on backside Highlights smallness and largeness, by gum! Piercings are fashionable these days But I'm not taken in by the craze"

[Helmut Shown]

"It is said the Archbishop of Crete, Had a fetish for young lady's feet He'd fondle tenderly From toe tip to knee And spend all night beating his meat I think it really is dumb To have tattoos on your cock or bum"

[Helmut Shown]

"It is said the Archbishop of Crete, Had a fetish for young lady's feet He'd fondle tenderly From toe tip to knee And spend all night beating his meat I think it really is dumb To have tattoos on your cock or bum"

[Saul Bollox]

"The disturbing rumours I hear Involve a hamster and Richard Gere According to this tale, This hamster's a male I suspected that fucker was queer. It is said the Archbishop of Crete, Had a fetish for young lady's feet"

[Helmut Shown]

"The song writer Burt Bacharach, Was a legend, they say, in the sack Whether doing cunnilingus Or using his fingers Though they say he liked coming round the back The disturbing rumours I hear Involve a hamster and Richard Gere"

[Saul Bollox]

"With my secretary from work Today in the storeroom we shirk, When she showed me her fanny The stench was uncanny It sent my head back with a jerk. The song writer Burt Bacharach, Was a legend, they say, in the sack."

[Far East Hammer]

A chap from Dundee name of Kirk Was known to go totally beserk He'd eat anything but Cake that comes without nut Down the road in Perth they called him a berk With my secretary from work Today in the storeroom we shirk

[Monk~koknee]

Now the yids think their stadium's dapper Too bad it resembles a crapper Simply no class If the club were a brass It'd be 50p blow jobbing slapper A chap from Dundee name of Kirk Was known to go totally beserk

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A young man from Tyne and Wear, West to Stratford to study Shakespeare. But he found it too hard Understanding the bard Much ado about nothing i fear Now the yids think their stadium's dapper Too bad it resembles a crapper"

[Saul Bollox]

"A barmaid from Tunbridge Wells On Sunday would ring the church bells. The thing she likes best, And made her happiest Was when ringing out the death knells. A young man from Tyne and Wear, West to Stratford to study Shakespeare."

[Helmut Shown]

"A young man from Bethnal Green, Lost his dick working on a machine With just a little hole Oft' missed the toilet bowl And his trousers would need a dry clean A barmaid from Tunbridge Wells On Sunday would ring the church bells"

[Saul Bollox]

"It's still only fucking Wednesday in my bed I'd much rather stay Next to me in my bunk Lies a nude, handsome hunk Sometimes it's great to be gay. A young man from Bethnal Green, Lost his dick working on a machine"

[Far East Hammer]

"There was a young man from Crick Who, whenever he was feeling sick. Found a topless hand shandy As a cure was quite handy So he'd book online then whip out his dick It's still only fucking Wednesday in my bed I'd much rather stay"

[Saul Bollox]

"On his head he wore a long rag And draped in an Isis flag On his face a long beard, And he thought he'd be feared As septics say, a right douche bag. There was a young man from Crick Who, whenever he was feeling sick."

[Helmut Shown]

"Castor had once said to Pollux, Buying soap, how much is it for Lux Or how would you feel If I bought Knights Castile I can get ten for three or four bucks You don't get me like that Saul! On his head he wore a long rag And draped in an Isis flag"

[Saul Bollox]

"On waking, a girl from Mauritius On her physical state was suspicious My fears were allayed When by me she laid Gave a blow job and said ""That's delicious"". Castor had once said to Pollux, Buying soap, how much is it for Lux"

[Saul Bollox]

"The EU have been stitched up a treat The Greeks, they just cannot defeat, By not paying their debt, Bubbles think that they'll get A free ride, and be on easy street. Castor had once said to Pollux, I'm buying soap, how much is it for Lux"

[Helmut Shown]

"The EU have been stitched up a treat The Greeks, they just cannot defeat The Krauts are upset While the bubbles try to get Moussaka made with luncheon meat On waking, a girl from Mauritius On her physical state was suspicious"

[Joke Whole]

"Rodrigo of Bivar (El Cid) Bought his horse on EBay for five quid Whoa! Trigger! Hold steady! It's microwave ready. Just unwrap and loosen the lid. The EU have been stitched up a treat The Greeks, they just cannot defeat"

[Helmut Shown]

"To Pharoah Rameses the second, Ran every young maid when he beckoned It just isn't right 10 girls every night His libido was something to be reckoned Rodrigo of Bivar (El Cid) Bought his horse on EBay for five quid"