New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"There' many a ditty's been sung, Of the Chinaman Oo Flung Dung It's not what you think 'Bout this crafty old chink It's the fact that he's so well hung As she walked down the street clutching shopping From under her skirt I saw popping"

[Saul Bollox]

"Andrea that girl in the Corrs Went on to the stage with no drawers So when she bent back The front rows saw her crack, Which was greeted by clapping and roars. There' many a ditty's been sung, Of the Chinaman Oo Flung Dung"

[Helmut Shown]

When sat on the East Croydon tram I swear i could smell Hairy clam But it wasn't cսnt lips It was her fish and chips That she had in her baby's pram Andrea that girl in the Corrs Went on to the stage with no drawers

[Saul Bollox]

While on holiday in southern Spain I rode on the Lemon Train But I have to append When I git to the end. It started to piss down with rain. When sat on the East Croydon tram I swear i could smell Hairy clam

[Helmut Shown]

I was riding the Bakerloo line And was told that I must pay a fine The inspector's glare Not for bunking the fare But for giving my bell end a shine While on holiday in southern Spain I rode on the Lemon Train

[Saul Bollox]

When I sit on the bus at the back I often get Travellers Jack I don't understand this And aint taking the piss It's something to do with your arse-crack? I was riding the Bakerloo line And was told that I must pay a fine

[cosmo smallpiece]

A prostitute name of Louise Liked giving men's bollocks a squeeze But youre in for a shock As she won't suck your cock Cod she can't stand the taste of the cheese When I sit on the bus at the back I often get Travellers Jack

[Saul Bollox]

"The number 9 bus route is long, The council are sure this is wrong. But at Charing X station Boarding to an ovetion None other than pornstar King Dong. A prostitute name of Louise Liked giving men's bollocks a squeeze"

[Joke Whole]

"Village People need to fill a new spot Mitchell Johnson would fill [up] their slot. Their dads' & their brothers', Not sisters' or mothers' - At least, that's the message I got. The number 9 bus route is long, The council are sure this is wrong."

[Helmut Shown]

"A drunk started to shout and cuss, While upstairs on a new Boris bus Some teenagers nearby Squirted something in his eye They were squeezing their spots, it was pus Village People need to fill a new spot Mitchell Johnson would fill the their slot"

[Saul Bollox]

"The vicar's wife looked in distress As the bishop lifted her dress While she was on all fours and she had on no drawers, A sight to behold I confess. A drunk started to shout and cuss, While upstairs on a new Boris bus."

[Saul Bollox]

"The vicar's wife looked in distress As the bishop lifted her dress While she was on all fours and she had on no drawers, A sight to behold I confess. A drunk started to shout and cuss, While upstairs on a new Boris bus."

[Helmut Shown]

"As I lie in the desert, near death And ponder my terminal breath As my life flashes by I wonder just why I still want to do crystal meth Apologies I couldn't think of anything else to rhyme The vicar's wife looked in distress As the bishop lifted her dress"

[Joke Whole]

"While asleep in a holiday camp, I awoke and found my sheets were damp Some dastardly gent Had crept into my tent And spilt all the oil from my lamp. As I lie in the desert, near death And ponder my terminal breath"

[les marteaux]

"Since the fifties films have changed a bit You'd be lucky then if you'd see a tit But Brigitte Bardot, Had plenty to show, She was young and french and dead fit. While asleep in a holiday camp, I awoke and found my sheets were damp"

[Helmut Shown]

Glenda Jackson with Doctor Kildare In a train showing her pubic hair In his trousers a tent But I heard he as bent For actors it's quite normal fare Since the fifties films have changed a bit You'd be lucky then if you'd see a tit

[les marteaux]

"The check-in girl said I was late And for the next flight I must wait. The flight by the way Was not til the next day, Getting pissed in the bar was my fate. Glenda Jackson with Doctor Kildare In a train showing her pubic hair."

[Joke Whole]

"A teacher with his back to the class Was instinctively scratching his arse On removing his finger, The feeling did linger, So all in his form got a ""pass"". The check-in girl said I was late And for the next flight I must wait."

[Joke Whole]

"A teacher with his back to the class Was instinctively scratching his arse On removing his finger, The feeling did linger, So all in his form got a ""pass"". The check-in girl said I was late And for the next flight I must wait."

[Joke Whole]

A scumbag from Liverpool Who never attended a school. Except to bin dip Or get a night's kip Got Honours: First Class...as a tool A mozzie has just bit me knob. It's started to sting and to throb

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A scumbag from Liverpool Who never attended a school. Made a good enough living From taking, not giving That scouser was nobody""s fool A teacher with his back to the class Was instinctively scratching his arse"

[les marteaux]

"Mitchell Johnson, the useless pie chucker Would be better employed as a trucker. Helmut's lines this time Want's ""fucker"" as the rhyme You'll not get me like that, me old mucker. A scumbag from Liverpool Who never attended a school."

[Helmut Shown]

"On the train from Kings Cross to Kings Lynn, An old bird sunk a bottle of gin There was no corridor So the silly old whore Had to piss in the waste paper bin Mitchell Johnson, the useless pie chucker Would be better employed as a trucker"

[les marteaux]

"On the London to Brighton express A voice from behind me cried "" Yes!"" A man behind me, Was getting for free A blow job from my old Auntie Bess. On the train from Kings Cross to Kings Lynn, An old bird sunk a bottle of gin."

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A young man from Newark on Trent Had a penis incredibly bent In so much of a state He could not masturbate Cos whenever he came, he went On the London to Brighton express A voice from behind me cried "" Yes!"""