New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"In a phone box that Superman To change all his gear, he began Then old PC Plod Said: ""You fucking dirty sod"", Your coming for a ride in the van. It's said that Khan Noonian Singh Followed Enterprise round Saturn's ring"

[Helmut Shown]

"Said Captain Kirk to Mr. Scott: ""Give her all the warp drive that you've got."" He said ""she'll no take it Ye'll fucking well break it Ye overacting Canadian twot"" In a phone box that Superman To change all his gear, he began"

[Saul Bollox]

"When he called out "" Time gentlemen please!"" He suddenly sank to his knees, He'd become dizzy Cos while they were busy He'd smoked crack and took too many Es. Said Captain Kirk to Mr. Scott: ""Give her all the warp drive that you've got."""

[cosmo smallpiece]

"A man I met in my local bar, Said he came from a planet afar When the barman said "" Friend"" ""That will be 3 pounds ten"" He said "" have you got change for a Zlar?"" When he called out "" Time gentlemen please!"" He suddenly sank to his knees"

[les marteaux]

"It said that Yorkshiremen are quite blunt From what I have seen they have front, Cunts at Sheffield United Their ""wrongs"" they got ""righted"" But West Ham have borne the brunt. A man I met in my local bar, Said he came from a planet afar"

[Helmut Shown]

"Young Algernon Farquarson Smythe Chopped his own penis off with a scythe He looked so forlorn With a phantom horn When a girl floated by, quite lithe It said that Yorkshiremen are quite blunt From what I have seen they have front"

[les marteaux]

"The wife to the farmer said ""Please."" ""Just go out and bring in some sheaves"" He replied ""Oh fuck you! you could eas'ly go too. What d'you think I am, fucking Jeves."" A Scotsman, a Mick and a Jew, Were once on a trip to the zoo."

[Joke Whole]

"In Colombay les Deux Eglises. An old man was covered in fleas. A beer inspired fart Caused them to depart. ...Such power in a good anal sneeze. The wife to the farmer said ""Please."" ""Just go out and bring in some sheaves"""

[cosmo smallpiece]

"In Colombay les Deux Eglises. An old man was covered in fleas. They'd escaped, so they say From the circus that day And we're on their way home to Belize Young Algernon Farquarson Smythe Chopped his own penis off with a scythe"

[les marteaux]

"An old man who lived by the coast Had a knob that was stiff as a post, His permanent stiffy Was cured in a jiffy With a cup of sweet tea and some toast. In Colombay les Deux Eglises. An old man was covered in fleas."

[Joke Whole]

"If you live in Midsomer Norton Your life expectancy it'll shorten, So, hide all the knives, And don't fuck the wives, Then swear you don't know Dennis Norden An old man who lived by the coast Had a knob that was stiff as a post"

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young man called Davy On a whim went and joined the Navy The silly young prick Got very sea sick That ocean can be really wavy If you live in Midsomer Norton Your life expectancy it'll shorten

[Saul Bollox]

"A young geisha girl from Japan His many things under her fan, Her simpering smile, Is made to beguile, And inflame the lust of a man. There was a young man called Davy On a whim went and joined the Navy"

[Helmut Shown]

A burglar went out on a mission To half inch a painting by Titian He wrestled the guard Who thought himself hard beat him with a fall and a submission A young geisha girl from Japan His many things under her fan

[Saul Bollox]

"I asked my wife for three in a bed In response, I'm to sleep in the shed And with me moreover Was a dog called rover And my dirty old Uncle Fred. A burglar went out on a mission To half inch a painting by Titian"

[Far East Hammer]

"I auditioned last week for ""The Voice"" They weren't too impressed with my choice. In fact rather than singing I just showed off my burping So I still can't afford a Rolls Royce I asked my wife for three in a bed In response, I'm to sleep in the shed"

[Joke Whole]

"In the Ballroom Professor Plum Shoved lead piping up the victims bum. And, to his delight, Out popped Colonel White, Accompanied by the Queen Mum. I auditioned last week for ""The Voice"" They weren't too impressed with my choice."

[Saul Bollox]

"There was an old slapper called Dolly Made love to an old border collie Her conduct was iffy, The sheepdog's big stiffy Went into her arse; oh what folly! In the Ballroom Professor Plum Shoved lead piping up the victims bum."

[Helmut Shown]

An illegal migrant called Bola Hid in the boot of a roller but the bad smell of shite When he took fright Caught and sent back to Angola There was an old slapper called Dolly Made love to a border collie

[Helmut Shown]

An illegal migrant called Bola Hid in the boot of a roller but the bad smell of shite When he took fright Caught and sent back to Angola There was an old slapper called Dolly Made love to a border collie

[Saul Bollox]

"On a cold night on Hadrians Wall A soldier heard a footfall, Forward did he lurch, Then after a search He was able to report fuck all. An illegal migrant called Bola Hid in the boot of a roller"

[Helmut Shown]

Shakespeare's brother suffered from Tourette Wrote many a line you'd never forget Romeo stood with a lazy lob Caesar furiously pulling his knob UnSurprisingly working up a sweat On a cold night on Hadrians Wall A soldier heard a footfall

[Far East Hammer]

"""Wherefore art thou Romeo"" she said, As he quietly slipped into her bed. ""Just by your quim"" ""Which needs a trim"" ""Before you've a chance of getting head"" Shakespeare's brother suffered from Tourette Wrote many a line you'd never forget"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young man called Barrett Up his bottom he stuck a large carrot He then had to flee Down to the A & E Embarrassed and sick as a parrot. ""Wherefore art thou Romeo"" she said, As he quietly slipped into her bed."

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl from Kilkenny Of boyfriends she didn't have many. The face that she'd got Like a bashed in pisspot In which somebody's spent a penny There was a young man called Barrett Up his bottom he stuck a large carrot