New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Far East Hammer]

"So, now we have found a new Earth The yanks will be proud of it's girth Though I don't really care Unless we send Trump there For that proposition has worth Is it time to head off to Mars? Honestly I'd rather stay in bars"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A penguin in Regent Park's zoo Waddled straight into WHO He selected a thread, Which, it has to be said, Is often the best thing to do. So, now we have found a new Earth The yanks will be proud of it's girth"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A penguin in Regent Park's zoo Waddled straight into WHO He selected a thread, Which, it has to be said, Is often the best thing to do. So, now we have found a new Earth The yanks will be proud of it's girth"

[Coffee]

An old guy pulled a stunner in Agra Then realised he'd run out of Viagra He sought advice from a guru Who he found in Bangaluru But he ended up with pellagra. A penguin in Regent Park's zoo Waddled straight into WHO

[Far East Hammer]

"A sweatshop boss from Kolkota, To his underaged staff was a rotter For very little pay He'd work them all day And made them listen to Justin Bieber An old guy pulled a stunner in Agra Then realised he'd run out of Viagra"

[Saul Bollox]

"A very prim lady called Kate With a dildo would masturbate, In her fanny she'd poke 'Til the fucking thing broke But Ann Summers gave her a rebate. A sweatshop boss from Kolkota, To his underaged staff was a rotter"

[Helmut Shown]

A singer at the d'oyly Carte Tried to slip out a silent fart with exponential power Caused everyone to cower As she blew her undies apart A very prim lady called Kate With a dildo would masturbate

[Saul Bollox]

An old man from Ingatestone Had problems getting a bone He tried girls and boys And many sex toys But It dangled there sad and alone. A singer at the d'oyly Carte Tried to slip out a silent fart

[Saul Bollox]

There was a young man from Stock Who got a gnat bite on the end of his cock It enhanced his rating When masturbating And when finished he wiped with a sock. A singer at the d'oyly Carte Tried to slip out a silent fart

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young man from Stock Who got a gnat bite on the end of his cock He was taken ill Near to the windmill Where he was bandaged with an old sock An old man from Ingatestone Had problems getting a bone

[Helmut Shown]

"The Prime Minister was in talks With the minister for Silly Walks He said ""if you want to walk silly Tie some weights to your willy Or put something up your arse like corks There was a young man from Stock Who got a gnat bite on the end of his cock"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"Did you drop yourself in the cart? When courting you slipped out a fart So you blamed your dog, Jet Said ""Go on, out you get!"" But he walked in and you felt like a tart The Prime Minister was in talks With the minister for Silly Walks"

[Helmut Shown]

"I once met a girl, very cute Told me she worked as a prostitute When she got on all fours I pulled down her drawers found both minge and anus hirsute Did you drop yourself in the cart? When courting you slipped out a fart"

[Saul Bollox]

"I heard that the Hairy Bikers Once picked up a couple of hikers It was one of their rickets They were flying pickets, Off to support a group of strikers. I once met a girl, very cute Told me she worked as a prostitute"

[Helmut Shown]

"I once knew a tiresome braggart, Claimed that he caught a shark with a maggot He could only but wish to catch such a fish The horribly effeminate faggot I heard that the Hairy Bikers Once picked up a couple of hikers"

[Saul Bollox]

"I can fart the tune of Amazing Grace Though it does tend to stink out the place I prepare my shitter With sprouts, beans, and bitter And that wonderful tune I'll debase. I once knew a tiresome braggart, Claimed that he caught a shark with a maggott"

[Far East Hammer]

"A young lady from Siparia, Was singing a beautiful aria The sound was so sweet All were on their feet And word spread to Candelaria I can fart the tune of Amazing Grace Though it does tend to stink out the place"

[Saul Bollox]

"It was said the philosopher Plato caught doing things with a potato Twas all very sick Recently the same trick Was done by Closseau's manservant Cato. A young lady from Siparia, Was singing a beautiful aria"

[Helmut Shown]

"A Rotherham lass called Pam, Was groomed by the local Imam She was quite the hysteric When this filthy old cleric Up her arse his cock he did jam It was said the philosopher Plato caught doing things with a potato"

[Saul Bollox]

"In mortal fear of the almighty She was asked by the priest ""lift your nightie"", Then he said as he smiled To this immigrant child ""It's how we do things here in Blighty."" A Rotherham lass called Pam, Was groomed by the local Imam."

[Helmut Shown]

"A septic revivalist priest, Was attending a religious feast After an hour long talk He told a cripple to walk Who fell when his crutches were released In mortal fear of the almighty She was asked by the priest ""lift your nightie"""

[Saul Bollox]

"I'd just had a massive great poo When I realised late: no tissue! Quicky I'd to think Stuck my arse in the sink And washed the cling-ons with shampoo. A septic revivalist priest, Was attending a religious feast."

[Far East Hammer]

How come it takes half a roll Post shit when I wipe my arsehole? If it's big and sticky It can be quite tricky And will often block up the bowl I'd just had a massive great poo When I realised late: no tissue!

[Far East Hammer]

How come it takes half a roll Post shit when I wipe my arsehole? If it's big and sticky It can be quite tricky And will often block up the bowl I'd just had a massive great poo When I realised late: no tissue!

[Helmut Shown]

It's said that Khan Noonian Singh Followed Enterprise round Saturn's ring The battle begun With phasors on stun A photon torpedo took his wing How come it takes half a roll Post shit when I wipe my arsehole?