New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

I read something strange in a book About different ways you can cook Roasting mangoes with clove On the top of our stove. But my Mum told to sling my hook. When he walks he looks like a berk Caused by injuries got at Dunkirk

[Mike Oxsaw]

Newsreader Lucrezia Millarini Sat on the sand in a bikini A letching admirer Sat right down beside her And offered to stir her Martini I read something strange in a book About different ways you can cook

[Helmut Shown]

"A shirtlifter seen on the tube, Was greasing his ring piece with lube Without batting an eye lid He wiped off the skid and returned to his Rubik's cube Newsreader Lucrezia Millarini Sat on the sand in a bikini"

[Saul Bollox]

"Boris Johnson, what is he like An old boiler on the back of his bike, The police with a hiss, Said: ""You can't do this,"" So she had to get off and hike. A shirtlifter seen on the tube, Was greasing his ring piece with lube"

[Helmut Shown]

"Read the paper, while drinking my Tizer About Corbyn, IRA sympathiser I can say with some candour It's Tory propaganda But it left me none the wiser Boris Johnson, what is he like An old boiler on the back of his bike"

[Saul Bollox]

"While out on a night on the lash A girl squatted down among the trash Could not find a bog To squeeze out her log And also she had a quick slash. Read the paper, while drinking my Tizer About Corbyn, IRA sympathiser"

[Saul Bollox]

"While out on a night on the lash A girl squatted down among the trash Could not find a bog To squeeze out her log And also she had a quick slash. Read the paper, while drinking my Tizer About Corbyn, IRA sympathiser"

[Helmut Shown]

"It seems in the leadership race That Liz Kendall's sunk without trace Fascist rag, the Daily Mail Has a communist tale I don't know how they keep a straight face While out on a night on the lash A girl squatted down among the trash"

[Far East Hammer]

"A peer and a hooker undressed As he snorted cocaine from her chest He said ""this hits the spot"" ""And if I can shag your bot"" ""Then it really would be the best"" It seems in the leadership race That Liz Kendall's sunk without trace"

[Monk~koknee]

There was an old bloke called Doug Who resembles somewhat his pet pug If that wasn't all He could lick his own ball No wonder he was always so smug A peer and a hooker undressed As he snorted cocaine from her chest

[joe blob]

Mike Oxsaw is back on line The wit and rhyme to refine Back from where there be No electricity It's called Newcastle upon Tyne. There was an old bloke called Doug Who resembles somewhat his pet pug.

[Helmut Shown]

"A scientist on Galapagos, On a rock sat having a toss Then dropped some faeces On a protected species Don't ask why, I'm at a loss Mike Oxsaw is back on line The wit and rhyme to refine"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was an old lady from Leigh who bought on line a she-wee She had to buy this As could not contain piss Which ran down her thigh to her knee. A scientist on Galapagos, On a rock sat having a toss"

[Helmut Shown]

"My macaw, it just can't learn to talk, Just fart and belch sounds and a squawk but when the in-laws come he shouts ""show us yer bum!"" and swoops on their heads like a hawk There was an old lady from Leigh who bought on line a she-wee"

[Saul Bollox]

"My budgie has started to speak In code, so I think it's a geek, But what's really nice, It gives racing advice I'm now on a long winning streak. My macaw, it just can't learn to talk, Just fart and belch sounds and a squawk"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young man from Beverly Hills Bought himself some new espadrilles But what he ain't got Is a big shiny yacht So he walks round the pond for his thrills. My budgie has started to speak In code, so I think it's a geek"

[Saul Bollox]

"A group of young girls in Hyde Park Skinny dipped in the lake for a lark Then PC McFall Arrested them all, After rowing out there in a barque. A young man from Beverly Hills Bought himself some new espadrilles"

[cosmo smallpiece]

In the Whispering Gallery of St Paul's profanities bounced around the walls When a young West Ham kid Got hold of a Yid And threw him downstairs by his balls A group of young girls in Hyde Park Skinny dipped in the lake for a lark

[Helmut Shown]

"Just over the road, near the woods, There's a seller of dubious goods In the copse there's a pair Selling dubious fare Like modern day Robin Hoods In the Whispering Gallery of St Paul's profanities bounced around the walls"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young toff at Eton who attended the school to be beaten And to his delight, Got lashings each night From teachers in togs well moth-eaten Just over the road, near the woods, There's a seller of dubious goods"

[Helmut Shown]

"A young psychopath called Rex Pulled legs off various insects he then did confide ""Pull them off on one side to create parabolic effects"" There was a young toff at Eton who attended the school to be beaten"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young man from Dagenham Who liked picking up birds and shagging 'em But I'm told that it's true Girls of easy virtue Their blokes, they just don't stop nagging'em. A young psychopath called Rex Pulled legs off various insects"

[,]

There was a young man from Jakarta Who to his flatulance was a martyr His release of methane made sniffers profane such that romance was a non starter There was a young man from Dagenham Who liked picking up birds and shagging 'em

[Saul Bollox]

"s it time to head off to Mars? Honestly I'd rather stay in bars, Now I'd say it's quite rum That on earth so much scum, Yet we're still sending men to the stars. There was a young man from Jakarta Who to his flatulence was a martyr. * Welcome back Mr. Oxsaw"

[Saul Bollox]

"Is it time to head off to Mars? Honestly I'd rather stay in bars, Now I'd say it's quite rum That on earth so much scum, Yet we're still sending men to the stars."