New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[,]

Little Bournemouth they came and scored four Is it time to show Bilic the door that would be a crime the Croat needs time before he makes our team soar There was a supporter called French watching us made his buttocks clench

[Livingstone]

His tactics and football are vile And the reaction of the press makes me smile But at least he is gone And the stench lingers on And the fish heads are heaped in a pile Little Bournemouth they came and scored four Is it time to show Bilic the door

[Helmut Shown]

In our local bishopric The goings on make you feel sick These bible punchers And vile mattress munchers they get on everyone's wick His tactics and football are vile And the reaction of the press makes me smile

[Saul Bollox]

"The apologists for Fatty are crowing From a position of not really knowing But enough of this, When I went for a piss A wart on my knob I saw growing. In our local bishopric The goings on make you feel sick"

[Helmut Shown]

This season on the face of it West Ham appear to be shit. At home we've lost twice Now all want a slice Of a defence for purpose not fit The apologists for Fatty are crowing From a position of not really knowing

[Helmut Shown]

This season on the face of it West Ham appear to be shit. At home we've lost twice Now all want a slice Of a defence for purpose not fit The apologists for Fatty are crowing From a position of not really knowing

[Saul Bollox]

Joe Lewis made a currency deal That made Lamont shout and squeal Most think him a knob Who made a few bob A four-be-two slippery eel. This season on the face of it West Ham appear to be shit.

[Helmut Shown]

There once was a bloke called Hosier Who was done for indecent exposure His bishopric shocked And now he's unfrocked And they've even taken back his crozier Joe Lewis made a currency deal That made Lamont shout and squeal

[Saul Bollox]

"A man who went hot air ballooning Hung his arse from the basket, mooning, You would never think, That to this depth he'd sink His daytime job? Piano tuning. There once was a bloke called Hosier Who was done for indecent exposure."

[Helmut Shown]

"Most blokes like a bit of skirt But among toffs there's many a pervert. But if you're a Tory MP The police leave you be If you're a lifter of a young boy's shirt A man who went hot air ballooning Hung his arse from the basket, mooning"

[Saul Bollox]

At work her mood always dour But at home liked a golden shower And with very good grace Let's you shit on her face But then washing herself takes an hour. Most blokes like a bit of skirt But among toffs there's many a pervert.

[Helmut Shown]

I've just joined a club for wankers. We do it to avoid getting chancres The guys in the club Sat having a rub Mainly MPs and merchant bankers At work her mood always dour But at home liked a golden shower

[Saul Bollox]

"Time spent with a lady of the night Next day on his cock saw some blight There was also some All around his scrotum, In truth 'twas a terrible sight. I've just joined a club for wankers. We do it to avoid getting chancres"

[Helmut Shown]

A rapscallion lad with a stick Tricked a lass into sucking his dick She thought it sadism Forced to swallow his jism It made her most violently sick Time spent with a lady of the night Next day on his cock saw some blight

[Monk~koknee]

Saul Bollox 12:04 Fri Aug 21 Nice one A man had some rot and some greenness Around his balls and his penis Said a nurse with a brush This is some form of thrush But I'm a little less sure of it's genus A rapscallion lad with a stick Tricked a lass into sucking his dick

[Helmut Shown]

Benefits and housing for some This country's a magnet for scum. They think they'll get a job Washing cars for 10 bob But end up hawking their bum A man had some rot and some greenness Around his balls and his penis

[Saul Bollox]

"A circumspect cleric from Crewe Asked the Lord to supply him a screw, Then into the nave Walked choirboy Dave, So he said: ""Thank you Lord, that'll do."" Benefits and housing for some This country's a magnet for scum."

[Monk~koknee]

"A boy to his girl Carolina Said ""Can I smell your vagina?"" ""You can give it a lick"" ""But hold on to your dick"" ""There's no chance of a quick sixty-niner"" A circumspect cleric from Crewe Asked the Lord to supply him a screw"

[Saul Bollox]

"n the doctors a man called Cripps Said his turds came out shaped like chips The doc said to he, it's your string vest you see- Cut it shorter by 2 inch clips. Yes, I've heard that joke too, A boy to his girl Carolina Said ""Can I smell your vagina?"""

[Helmut Shown]

Invented by a bloke called Parkes Underpants that don't show skid marks When you go for a swim And you're out on a limb They've been known even to repel sharks In the doctors a man called Cripps Said his turds came out shaped just like chips

[Saul Bollox]

"As the move to Stratford beckons It’ll bring riches, the chairman reckons But nowt would suffice For Sam Allardyce, Who'd not comment until he had seconds. Invented by a bloke called Parkes Underpants that don't show skid marks"

[Eric Hitchmoe]

"A Glaswegian was feeling quite jolly, When he said: ""I'm gaein' oot fer a tolly"" The weather was grim The loo roll was slim So he finished his arse on his brolly As the move to Stratford beckons It’ll bring riches, the chairman reckons"

[Saul Bollox]

"On the underground when it's late Sex crimes proliferate When from work I come Girls keep fondling my bum It's something that I really hate. A Glaswegian was feeling quite jolly, When he said: ""I'm gaein' oot fer a tolly"""

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young man from sienna Had ambitions to be a great tenor He went prematurely grey His career went astray So he dyed his long hair with henna On the underground when it's late Sex crimes proliferate

[Saul Bollox]

"The party of Reagan has the hump And now they have Donald Trump Say what you might About this fucking shite, But his bird, though a state, is no frump. There was a young man from sienna Had ambitions to be a great tenor"