New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young jock from Glasgow went to Hampden to see Scotland show He took his pet haggis Instead of his missus Who said she wasn't arsed to go I made a right fucking old mess Of monster hunting at Loch Ness

[eswing hammer]

"A man from the ivory coast, Put Lidl brand beans on his toast. He was up all night with farting and shite and his wife thought the fumes was a Ghost There was a young jock from Glasgow went to Hampden to see Scotland show"

[Saul Bollox]

"My new girlfriend's quite ticklish But her you know what reeks of fish Yes, her lady hole Smells like freshly caught sole But that said, she is quite a dish. A man from the ivory coast, Put Lidl brand beans on his toast."

[Far East Hammer]

A refugee fleeing from war Complained that his feet were quite sore A journalist phone-hacker Said he was just a slacker Claiming Kobani was safe for sure My new girlfriend's quite ticklish But her you know what reeks of fish

[Mike Oxsaw]

I think I left my colleagues quite miffed As I just let one rip in the lift Bacteria works Making big botty burps And today they sure put in a shift. A refugee fleeing from war Complained that his feet were quite sore

[Far East Hammer]

"There was an old bloke called Bert, Who was the neighbourhood pervert Was covered in fleas Caught sniffing panties Got clumped by a cop and it hurt I think I left my colleagues quite miffed As I just let one rip in the lift"

[Saul Bollox]

"I really do have to complain My beer's ABV: down again I can't handle this, Because lager is piss It makes me want to be profane. There was an old bloke called Bert, Who was the neighbourhood pervert"

[Mike Oxsaw]

The Anfield Curse finally lifted Have our fortunes really shifted They'll think us less shitty When we win at Man City And some may well say that we're Gifted. I really do have to complain My beer's ABV: down again

[Far East Hammer]

"He'd been in jail several times, Mostly for commiting sex crimes But yet he still joined the hordes Of brand new Tory Lords Nothing stopped his social climbs The Anfield Curse finally lifted Have our fortunes really shifted"

[Far East Hammer]

"He'd been in jail several times, Mostly for commiting sex crimes But yet he still joined the hordes Of brand new Tory Lords Nothing stopped his social climbs The Anfield Curse finally lifted Have our fortunes really shifted"

[Saul Bollox]

"The headlines, they roll on and on. At Calais here's now nothing wrong All these migrant shits, Want UK benefits For the taxpayer? The same old song. He'd been in jail several times, Mostly for commiting sex crimes"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Greg Rutherford's name is blighted The cսnt supports Manchester United. So this little verse Puts on him a curse And hopes that his hair gets ignited. The headlines, they roll on and on. At Calais here's now nothing wrong"

[Saul Bollox]

"The bloke who pushed the bird off her bike The way he spoke was very WHOlike. We all know the type A base guttersnipe, He'd have done well in the Third Reich. Greg Rutherford's name is blighted The cսnt supports Manchester United."

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young street girl from Leith, Who while working once lost her teeth To make a few bob She gave a blow job And they came from her mouth with the sheath The bloke who pushed the bird off her bike The way he spoke was very WHOlike"

[Saul Bollox]

"He thought he'd problems with his heart But he managed to clear it with a fart But at once he knew, He had a follow through, And was forced to make a swift depart. There was a young street girl from Leith, Who while working once lost her teeth."

[Helmut Shown]

"In a slaughterhouse out in the sticks, He collected the animal's dicks, He'd grandiose plans for bestiality fans After washing and screening for ticks He thought he'd problems with his heart But he managed to clear it with a fart"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young lady from Rhyl Caught her tits in a grocers till On purpose 'twas done, As she thought it good fun, And besides it gave her a cheap thrill In a slaughterhouse out in the sticks, He collected the animal's dicks,"

[Helmut Shown]

A jewish man from Rabat. With a razor circumcised his cat His blade slipped right under Cock and balls went asunder And now his poor cat has a twat There was a young lady from Rhyl Caught her tits in a grocers till

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young lady from Wales Had a penchant for eating snails To Lidl she goes, To buy escargots, And thinks it is worth the travails. A jewish man from Rabat. With a razor circumcised his cat"

[Helmut Shown]

"A Frenchman, a Turk and a jew. In adjacent bogs having a poo. As his shit began to taper Pierre saw no paper Said the Jew ""I'll sell some to you"" There was a young lady from Wales Had a penchant for eating snails"

[Saul Bollox]

"A doctor saw a young girl called Pam And he gave her an internal exam She enjoyed it a bit When he fingered her clit But not when she was ""Caught on Cam."" A Frenchman, a Turk and a jew. In adjacent bogs having a poo."

[Helmut Shown]

"A young prostitute from Hawai'i When paid, to her men said good bye-ee Instead of getting knobbed By those she'd just robbed She'd be hanged if she lived in Dubai-ee A doctor saw a young girl called Pam And he gave her an internal exam"

[Saul Bollox]

"Helmut Shown 9:36 Mon Aug 24 - Nice one He whipped out his Kalashnikov And then let a few rounds off, When they heard gunshot sound They brought him to the ground To these blokes my hat I will doff. A young prostitute from Hawai'i When paid, to her men said good bye-ee."

[Helmut Shown]

"In Venice my gondolier Stopped off at a bar for a beer. With one final quaff Got in, sucked me off I've a suspicion that he may be queer He whipped out his Kalashnikov And then let a few rounds off"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a supporter called French watching us made his buttocks clench But when they got four He could hold it no more, Unformed faeces thus causing a stench. In Venice my gondolier Stopped off at a bar for a beer."