New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young lad called Eamon Went to put on a curse with a Shaman Its effect was a lot On now drowned Will Sinnott So now the young lad's on the run Livingstone set off for the Nile Told his kin he'd be gone a while

[Saul Bollox]

"A flexible fellow called Jock Was able to suck his own cock While sucking his knob He came round his gob, And cleaned up the mess with his sock. There was a young lad called Eamon Went to put on a curse with a Shaman"

[Monk~koknee]

There once was a pervert called Mark Who prowled round the Olympic Park. He'd been very chipper Since they'd made him the skipper But he could only go out after dark A flexible fellow called Jock Was able to suck his own cock

[Saul Bollox]

"I remember when i was a lad You could walk down Green Street and be glad But nowadays if you, Can not parlez Urdu, You're a foreigner, which is quite sad. There once was a pervert called Mark Who prowled round the Olympic Park."

[cosmo smallpiece]

Whoever the septics deign to pick Their next President will be a dick Now try as i may I just cant fail to say That this is the worst limerick. I remember when i was a lad You could walk down Green Street and be glad

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young man called Cliffy In a brothel could not get a stiffy His whore gave him Viagra So that he could bang her Though truth be told he came in a jiffy Whoever the septics deign to pick Their next President will be a dick

[Saul Bollox]

"My working life is now done I need a place in the sun, I think I might pick A house in Jaywick, I've heard it would be quite fun. There was a young man called Cliffy In a brothel could not get a stiffy"

[Helmut Shown]

The Sultan's wife number 3 While making love wanted a pee In a great fit of pique He rewarded her leak With a cliteridectomy My working life is now done I need a place in the sun

[Saul Bollox]

A young man was out with his dog On the pavement it dropped a large log A look left and right and he was into flight And he left the shit there in the fog. The Sultan's wife number 3 While making love wanted a pee

[Helmut Shown]

"A scotsman called Hamish McDuff, One evening picked up a bit of fluff Now she is in labour After tossing his caber And letting him into her muff A young man was out with his dog On the pavement it dropped a large log"

[Saul Bollox]

"Charles suffers the waiting in pain Enduring his mother's long reign, He says with a sigh, I wish she would die Her longevity drives me insane. A scotsman called Hamish McDuff, One evening picked up a bit of fluff"

[,]

We thought Radcliffe paused for a shit But really she was taking a hit Her record still stands Thanks to monkey glands And the nodes from a G'rilla's armpit Charles suffers the waiting in pain Enduring his mother's long reign

[Agent Scud]

As the Jet burned I fled in haste Cabin baggage in my arms placed I wouldn't have to swelter If I'd just flown with Delta And I'd get to a see a Muslim maced. We thought Radcliffe just paused for a shit But really she was taking a hit

[Agent Scud]

As the Jet burned I fled in haste Cabin baggage in my arms placed I wouldn't have to swelter If I'd just flown with Delta And I'd get to a see a Muslim maced. We thought Radcliffe just paused for a shit But really she was taking a hit

[,]

Filing his claim for expenses The MP's fraud commences We all make a fuss 'Cos he represents us Yet another of his pretences As the Jet burned I fled in haste Cabin baggage in my arms placed

[Far East Hammer]

It was the night I was up for election I experience an enormous erection My PA's on hand To relieve my gland Giving me great satisfaction Filing his claim for expenses The MP's fraud commences

[Monk~koknee]

"Whilst I was being orally pleased Unfortunately my girlfriend sneezed I felt quite a nip As she bit off the tip But no matter, it was badly diseased It was the night I was up for election I experience an enormous erection"

[Far East Hammer]

"There once was a very young Aussie Who saved for a month for a prozzie. But he yelled out more than ""streuth!"" When he discovered the truth That she'd grown up as a bloke called Ainslee Whilst I was being orally pleased Unfortunately my girlfriend sneezed"

[Saul Bollox]

I don't want to do any time I think I know the perfect crime But enough from me It's pure fantasy I'm off to my work as a mime. There once was a very young Aussie Who saved for a month for a prozzie.

[Far East Hammer]

Two pensioners Alfie and Frank Thought they'd rob the local Lloyds Bank A half-brick in a sock A Heckler & Koch And a getaway buggie that stank I don't want to do any time I think I know the perfect crime

[Monk~koknee]

While trying out a Jet Ski one day My missus got carried away Staryed out of the zone Got zapped by a drone I was left with the deposit to pay Two pensioners Alfie and Frank Thought they'd rob the local Lloyds Bank

[cosmo smallpiece]

On my yacht to impress my bird Vic Things went pear shaped as I got sea sick But Vic saved the show As she went down below And brought happiness to my dick. While trying out a Jet Ski one day My missus got carried away

[Far East Hammer]

"Captain Pugwash said ""okay me hearties"" ""Lets dish out the rations of Smarties"" Washed down with rum They were not glum For this is the making of parties On my yacht to impress my bird Vic Things went pear shaped as I got sea sick"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"Out fishing upon the high seas I incurred some painful injuries. Got whacked by a mast Spent 3 weeks in a cast And contracted a nasty disease Captain Pugwash said ""okay me hearties"" ""Lets dish out the rations of Smarties"""

[Saul Bollox]

"I made a right fucking old mess Of monster hunting at Loch Ness Missed sighting of Nessie As I'd gone for my tea, Sandwiches, salmon, cucumber, cress..... Out fishing upon the high seas I incurred some painful injuries."