New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"That retarded bloke Harry Kane Looked out of his depth once again In the national shirt He's proved he is dirt, Will he now be England's bane. They'll be saying the football is dour, Their relations with Sam will turn sour"

[Helmut Shown]

"Thinking relegation's not nice, So they got Fat Sam Allardyce At the Stadium of Light When he dishes up shite He'll be back on the dole in a trice That retarded bloke Harry Kane Looked out of his depth once again"

[Saul Bollox]

"Roy Hodgson is picking the kids Trouble is they're all from the yids Of course none of whom Will lift this country's gloom From what I have seen in the vids. Thinking relegation's not nice, So they got Fat Sam Allardyce"

[Helmut Shown]

"While lying on the nudist beach, My Piz Buin was out of reach My three piece suite Looked like raw meat And my bum like an over ripe peach Roy Hodgson is picking the kids Trouble is they're all from the yids"

[Saul Bollox]

"Whilst trimming the hairs on her snatch Something jumped out from the thatch Her doctor had said That her crab lice were dead, But this was from another batch. While lying on the nudist beach, My Piz Buin was out of reach"

[Helmut Shown]

A young prostitute called Louise Charged half price for her OAPs. It lengthened their stay As throughout the day They were all getting up to do wees Whilst trimming the hairs on her snatch Something jumped out from the thatch

[Saul Bollox]

"Ted was walking down Green Street one night And witnessed a wonderous sight, From the darkness he saw His favourite whore, Beckoning him into the red light. A young prostitute called Louise Charged half price for her OAPs."

[Monk~koknee]

Morgan Amalfitano Was given no choice but to go They called him Morgan The supersized organ Cos he was very well hung down below Ted was walking down Green Street one night And witnessed a wonderous sight

[Saul Bollox]

"Yesterday in Manchester was seen May sucking up to Combat Eighteen, Playing the race card, And trying to look hard, Her hypocrisy is obscene. Morgan Amalfitano Was given no choice but to go."

[Far East Hammer]

"There was a young girl called Polly, Banned from school for bringing a golly. Getting back home was a pain For it had started to rain Yet she hadn't brought in her brolly Yesterday in Manchester was seen May sucking up to Combat Eighteen"

[Saul Bollox]

"The wedding reception was done The bridegroom was looking for fun He tickled the prat, Of a bridesmaid called Pat, Who was putting her hair in a bun. There was a young girl called Polly, Banned from school for bringing a golly."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young German chap called Heinz, Stole knickers from his neighbours lines If they didn't quite fit He'd fill them with shit Which amused that man numerous times. The wedding reception was done The bridegroom was looking for fun"

[Saul Bollox]

"When her milk bill she couldn't pay ""Can I pay in another way"". With a smile on his face He went in her place. Entering through the back way. A young German chap called Heinz, Stole knickers from his neighbours lines"

[Helmut Shown]

"A minute's silence for Brendan Rodgers Will it be held by shell-suited todgers Liverpool's founders Were embezzling bounders And their fans are thieving soap dodgers When her milk bill she couldn't pay ""Can I pay in another way"""

[Far East Hammer]

"More than just one or two cocks Have been on Opportunity Knocks Contestants and host Who'd you hate the most? Me, I'd rather switch off the box A minute's silence for Brendan Rodgers Will it be held by shell-suited todgers?"

[Saul Bollox]

"While recording Play Your Cards Right Brucie to the toilet took flight, He filled up the bog, With a gigantic log, Leaving unflushed this terrible sight. More than just one or two cocks Have been on Opportunity Knocks"

[Helmut Shown]

I was watching Double Your Money. When Monica did something funny Her finger arose Under Hughie Green's nose Because she had been in the dunnee While recording Play Your Cards Right Brucie to the toilet took flight

[Saul Bollox]

"There was an old paddy called Mick Had the chance to be on Take Your Pick, But he said something crude In the yes/no interlude, And was gonged off the stage pretty quick. I was watching Double Your Money. When Monica did something funny"

[cosmo smallpiece]

"There was an old drunkard from Flint, He could not buy booze, he was skint. He would search all the skips Just to wrap his old lips Round a bottle of used Listermint There was an old paddy called Mick Had the chance to be on Take Your Pick"

[Saul Bollox]

"After an episode of Emmerdale farm He took out a blade to self harm His prolem, I fear An uncome-out queer, So he started to cut his forearm. There was an old drunkard from Flint, He could not buy booze, he was skint."

[Helmut Shown]

"A chinaman called Wing Ho Got a part in Hawai'i 5 0 His best part so far Was ""a drunk at the bar"" But he said he'd give it a go After an episode of Emmerdale farm He took out a blade to self harm"

[Helmut Shown]

"A chinaman called Wing Ho Got a part in Hawai'i 5 0 His best part so far Was ""a drunk at the bar"" But he said he'd give it a go After an episode of Emmerdale farm He took out a blade to self harm"

[Saul Bollox]

"The poor standard referees Will bring the game to its knees Decisions are ducked West Ham always fucked, Shit refs? We always get these. A chinaman called Wing Ho Got a part in Hawai'i 5 0"

[Helmut Shown]

A young prostitute called Di For a client took out her glass eye Her ocular cavity Caused a lot of depravity And left her with a very large stye The poor standard referees Will bring the game to its knees

[Saul Bollox]

"Hooray Henry got out his knob And stuffed it in a dead pig's gob Those upper class louts That you get in the scouts, Had told him it's his bob-a-job. A young prostitute called Di. For a client took out her glass eye."