New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a bloke from Shang Hai, Who made wings so that he could fly With a run and a jump arms starting to pump broken legs and a swollen black eye A young lady who came from Devizes Liked cocks in all shapes and sizes"

[Saul Bollox]

"He sprang out from under a tree With his cock out for all to see, A bizarre effect, Not what one would expect, From a bloke who is our new MP. There once was a bloke from Shang Hai, Who made wings so that he could fly."

[Helmut Shown]

From out of my anus did crash A Champagne cork and pebbledash Now I have an aversion To anal perversion No one my back doors will bash He sprang out from under a tree With his cock out for all to see

[Saul Bollox]

"The Irish pop star Dana Did something rude with a banana She parted her flaps, Entertaining some chaps, Who had got off the boat from Botswana. From out of my anus did crash A Champagne cork and pebbledash"

[Helmut Shown]

Holidaying on the continent I found myself quite incontinent I felt out of sorts On the back of my shorts A large brown stain was prominent The Irish pop star Dana Did something rude with a banana

[Far East Hammer]

"I once had a shit in the dark, And left in my pants a skid mark. One might surmise 'Twas no surprise You probably thought it a lark Holidaying on the continent I found myself quite incontinent"

[Saul Bollox]

"A dashing young cove name of Hugh Took his girl for a punt by canoe, He made a quick grab At the lady's niqab When removed it was his Aunty Pru. I once had a shit in the dark, And left in my pants a skid mark."

[Monk~koknee]

"Something effected my brain, When I took out my knob an a train Said the ticket inspector ""If it gets more erector It'll cost you a surcharge again"" A dashing young cove name of Hugh Took his girl for a punt by canoe"

[Saul Bollox]

"A Chelsea fan was in tears ""It's the worst ever - in twelve years!"" ""I've supported this team Now they've shattered my dream."" (I think most of their fans are queers). Something effected my brain, When I took out my knob an a train"

[Far East Hammer]

"A Spaniard before the Alcalde Had nicked a pack of Garibaldi. He gave a great frown As he was sent down No imminent trips to Aldi A Chelsea fan was in tears ""It's the worst ever - in twelve years!"""

[Saul Bollox]

"Judging by last seasons ills I question Sam's management skills His new club honeymoon, Will be over quite soon, They'll be reaching for the sleeping pills, A Spaniard before the Alcalde Had nicked a pack of Garibaldi."

[Helmut Shown]

In disgrace did Jose Mourinho To the West Ham Director's box go With all at a loss Why he'd argued the toss Perhaps the tin tack will follow Judging by last seasons ills I question Sam's management skills

[Helmut Shown]

In disgrace did Jose Mourinho To the West Ham Director's box go With all at a loss Why he'd argued the toss Perhaps the tin tack will follow Judging by last seasons ills I question Sam's management skills

[Saul Bollox]

"Watford are next on the list Complacency hard to resist, Wond'ring if this new dawn By Sunday will be gorn, Or we celebrate by getting pissed. In disgrace did Jose Mourinho To the West Ham Directors' box go."

[Lily Hammer]

"Said the ""special one"" a right pratt: ""West Ham winning? We can't have that!"" So he went in to see And blame the referee Who said ""Have a red card you thick twat!"" Watford are next on the list Complacency hard to resist"

[Far East Hammer]

"A cute young girl from Alicante Went out in clothing quite scanty As the wind did blow So the blokes did crow Miniskirt raised and no panty! Said the ""special one"" a right pratt: ""West Ham winning? We can't have that!"""

[Helmut Shown]

"Let's look forward to a lot of noise, As tomorrow we play the rent boys The west London blues Don't like it when they lose jumping up and down throwing toys A cute young girl from Alicante Went out in clothing quite scanty"

[Saul Bollox]

"Jamie Oliver (mockney cսnt) Has gone after Jeremy Hunt He thinks he is lax and want's a sugar tax, Don't know how this mong's got the front. Let's look forward to a lot of noise, As tomorrow we play the rent boys."

[Helmut Shown]

"In Gibraltar a Barbary ape, Thought shitting on cars a good jape Now he can't hide He's famed far and wide Since someone caught him on tape Jamie Oliver (mockney cսnt) Has gone after Jeremy Hunt"

[Saul Bollox]

"At night, he got up for a piss And left, in his bed, a young miss And, to be frank, She had to have awank. As his sexual prowess was amiss In Gibraltar a Barbary ape, Thought shitting on cars a good jape."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I was feeling a little bit queer And have just unloaded diarrhoea. An unpleasant fact Is the train was quite packed And I coated those standing quite near. At night, he got up for a piss And left, in his bed, a young miss"

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm partial to dates & sultanas And also quite fond of bananas, Any fruit I will try And all you can buy In India for just a few anas. I was feeling a little bit queer And have just unloaded diarrhoea."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A young boy suffered anal yeast, After being bum-fucked by a priest. Then, dusted with flour, And a very hot shower, He knocked out a loaf for a feast. I'm partial to dates & sultanas And also quite fond of bananas"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young Frenchman called Dimitri Who's skills were described as being peachy, Dimitri's the boss, Markers are at a loss Trying to stick to him like a leach-ee. Sorry A young boy suffered anal yeast, After being bum-fucked by a priest."

[JonWHUFC]

"A young girl from Auchenshuggle Looked up ""big cocks"" on Google Up came a picture of Big Sam Who used to manage West Ham And the Mackams have now sounded the Bugle There was a young Frenchman called Dimitri Who's skills were described as being peachy"