New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Far East Hammer]

There once was a confused tramp Wandered into a nudist camp. Some clean shaven quim Quite affected him Leaving his crotch area quite damp A cute escort got me in a fix Turns out she's a dominatrix

[joe blob]

"I fancied a big bowl of jelly After seeing an ad on the telly. So I put up my feet, To indulge in this treat While listening to songs by George Melly. There once was a confused tramp Wandered into a nudist camp."

[Mike Oxsaw]

I left a bad smell of poo After farting and following through But new Fairy Snow Made all shit stains go My pants & strides look like brand new. I fancied a big bowl of jelly After seeing an ad on the telly

[Helmut Shown]

A bloke I know lost all his sense And has double incontinence Left in his skyscraper Sat on newspaper Off to Dignitas two weeks hence I left a bad smell of poo After farting and following through

[joe blob]

"I fancy a big slice of cake But lack the ingred'ents to make So I'm off to Tesco To buy a gateau, Of which I shall gladly partake. A bloke I know lost all his sense And has double incontinence."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Old Corbyn is shuffling his pack, But Diane Abbott is watching his back To avoid further slurs She's better on hers So Jezza can empty his sac I fancy a big slice of cake But lack the ingred'ents to make"

[monkfish9]

"The two limericks preceding, Both great, just,what this thread was needing, But try as I might, This one's just shite And I don't know where it is leading. Old Corbyn is shuffling his pack, But Diane Abbott is watching his back"

[joe blob]

Nb: The ones by Helmut and Mike.

[joe blob]

"An anti alcohol activist When breathalysed, found to be pissed It was not the last jar That made him crash his car, But driving having one off the wrist. The two limericks preceding, Both great, just,what this thread was needing"

[joe blob]

"An anti alcohol activist When breathalysed, found to be pissed It was not the last jar That made him crash his car, But driving having one off the wrist. The two limericks preceding, Both great, just,what this thread was needing"

[Helmut Shown]

"A gardener trimming his hedge Did place his best shears on a ledge When he was found They'd fallen to the ground And cut off his meat and two veg An anti alcohol activist When breathalysed, found to be pissed"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There once was an Indian chappie, After getting pissed felt quite crappy After gallons of beer He proposed to a queer. The wedding went well - they've both happy. A gardener trimming his hedge Did place his best shears on a ledge"

[Saul Bollox]

"A dog saw a man on a horse And barked with a loud angry force, The rider, a toff, Promptly jumped off, And forced on the dog rough intercourse. There once was an Indian chappie, After getting pissed felt quite crappy"

[HairyHammer]

When she had men over on Sundays She'd open the door in her undies Though few looked away Even the shy ones would stay Thinking ill rip em off with my teeth or my handies. A dog saw a man on a horse And barked with a loud angry force

[Helmut Shown]

A young German man called Fritz Was applying wax under his pits. When she went in to touch The hairs on his crutch It scared him right out of his wits When she had men over on Sundays She'd open the door in her undies

[Saul Bollox]

"The EU is falling apart And that is a bloody good start I don't like to be, In market not free Or to pay in Euros for a tart.. A young German man called Fritz Was applying wax under his pits."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"FACT!, old Rafa hes back on the dole A knowledgeable footballing soul. This funny old game Will not be the same Another thick chairman's own goal. The EU is falling apart And that is a bloody good start"

[Livingstone]

And Sauls unfinished one There is something wrong with my computer I think Im gonna have to reboot her My knobs wiped the screen And to browse I am keen Looks like Ill just have to shoot her

[Livingstone]

And Sauls unfinished one There is something wrong with my computer I think Im gonna have to reboot her My knobs wiped the screen And to browse I am keen Looks like Ill just have to shoot her

[Livingstone]

"An old man caused quite a bit of fuss After taking Viagra on the bus His incompetance pants burst And to make matters worse Caused a flood of stale urine and puss FACT!, old Rafa hes back on the dole A knowledgeable footballing soul"

[Far East Hammer]

"A munufacturer of confection, In his office had quite an erection It seems adding Viagra To his new chocolate bar Was misfired experimentation An old man caused quite a bit of fuss After taking Viagra on the bus"

[Saul Bollox]

"After sitting and passing a motion His arse was in need of some lotion To apply, asked his wife Which led to much strife, in fact it was quite a commotion. A munufacturer of confection, In his office had quite an erection"

[Saul Bollox]

"After sitting and passing a motion His arse was in need of some lotion To apply, asked his wife Which led to much strife, in fact it was quite a commotion. A munufacturer of confection, In his office had quite an erection"

[Helmut Shown]

"While strolling one day in Hyde Park, He took out his knob for a lark. Despite his great keenness His very small penis Was not very visible in the dark After sitting and passing a motion His arse was in need of some lotion"

[Saul Bollox]

There something wrong with my computer.