New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"I may emit curses profane If we get much more bleeding rain, My front garden's in flood, And everywhere mud, 'Cos i've got a fucking blocked drain. To see the game live on TV, I've had to sign up to BT."

[Helmut Shown]

"Now, tennis for me's not a hit Except for the birds - when they're fit Lesbian whores With sweaty old drawers But on my face they could sit I may emit curses profane If we get much more bleeding rain"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"That Williams girl, Venus Seems of a very strange genus Half person, half tree I think she must be The missing link - Homo Obscenus Now, tennis for me's not a hit Except for the birds - when they're fit"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young lady called maud. Had a chest like an ironing board. No man's had his paws Inside her drawers It remains to this day unexplored That Williams girl, Venus Seems of a very strange genus"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young Spanish girl from Almeria Had magnificent tits you should see her But she could not stay, On the playa today, As she's suffering from bad diarrhoea. There was a young lady called maud. Had a chest like an ironing board."

[Helmut Shown]

"A dirty old priest from near Fleet, Had a fetish for choirboy's feet. His cock he tried to park it While little piggy went to market But he went wee wee wee on his meat A young Spanish girl from Almeria Had magnificent tits you should see her"

[Saul Bollox]

"As the boy held his apple aloft The girls in the playground went all soft, As his trousers dropped, His cock, out it popped, While most of the young lads just scoffed. A dirty old priest from near Fleet, Had a fetish for choirboy's feet."

[HairyHammer]

"There was a young lady from Chippenham Had skanky old drawers and she'd kip in 'em The smell was so foul Even old Tramps would scowl It smelt almost as bad as fans of Tottenham. As the boy held his apple aloft The girls in the playground went all soft,"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young girl from Doncaster Was caught making love to a Rasta, They first heard a shout And he pulled his nob out Causing semen to squirt on the plaster. There was a young lady from Chippenham Had skanky old drawers and she'd kip in 'em"

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl from Nottingham Whose drawers had a really foul twot in 'em Shades of light russet At the back of her gusset At the front piss drops dotting them There was a young girl from Doncaster Was caught making love to a Rasta

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl from Nottingham Whose drawers had a really foul twot in 'em Shades of light russet At the back of her gusset At the front piss drops dotting them There was a young girl from Doncaster Was caught making I've to a Rasta

[Saul Bollox]

"I once knew a man with a lisp Who had a sick fetish about crisps. Costing but a few pence, They cause flatulence, The sort that creeps up in foul wisps. There was a young girl from Nottingham Whose drawers had a really foul twot in 'em"

[HairyHammer]

"I'm drinking ""Tramp Juice""- don't you knock it I'm sure it could power a space rocket Though it tastes like a penance After three cans of Tennents I'm not worried about what I have in my pocket. I once knew a man with a lisp Who had a sick fetish about crisps."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Manners maketh the man it is said Is there etiquette for giving head? Don't gag, simply swallow Is the main rule to follow In fact it is taken as read. I'm drinking ""Tramp Juice"" - don't you knock it I'm sure it could power a space rocket"

[Helmut Shown]

"As seen in most Chinese cities, Their women do not have big titties But the hairs round their twats Thick as those on some cats Completely hiding their clitties Manners maketh the man it is said Is there etiquette for giving head?"

[Saul Bollox]

"A poet sat gazing ahead Though nothing came into his head, It's always the same , This Limerick game, I can't get a rhyme, I'm off to bed. As seen in most Chinese cities, Their women do not have big titties"

[HairyHammer]

I've done a really big sneeze And snot covers both of my knees Though its no big surprise My nose is such a big size It could sniff the sap off maple trees. A banana skin toppled a lady Who fell arse over tit into gravy.

[HairyHammer]

I've done a really big sneeze And snot covers both of my knees Though its no big surprise My nose is such a big size It could sniff the sap off maple trees. A banana skin toppled a lady Who fell arse over tit into gravy.

[HairyHammer]

Mike wins.

[HairyHammer]

"There once was a Buddhist monk, Collected in a jar all his spunk. For he had this big dream That one day he'd be free And sell it to rich Chinese punks. A poet sat gazing ahead Though nothing came into his head,"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There once was an old buddhist monk, Collected in a jar all his spunk. 'Twas his gift to the gods Those beardy old sods Who create worlds and then do a bunk. I've done a really big sneeze And snot covers both of my knees"

[Saul Bollox]

"A Ceebeebies presenter once said ""I flick my bean whilst in bed"" And Reeta Chackrabarti Can also be naughty Being fisted while giving some head. There once was an old buddhist monk, Collected in a jar all his spunk."

[Helmut Shown]

"A man walked into Watford Gap Dressed in nothing but an old jock strap The cold - no effect His penis, erect Good manners, no handicap A Ceebeebies presenter once said ""I flick my bean whilst in bed"""

[Saul Bollox]

"I wish I was a Tottenham fan Said a Jew who supported West Ham, Between you and me, This could never be, This poem is clearly just spam. A man walked into Watford Gap Dressed in nothing but an old jock strap"

[HairyHammer]

"A pop singer caused an outrage Taking his penis out on the stage, Some men started to snigger And the girls wished it were bigger Which made him run off in a rage. I wish I was a Tottenham fan Said a Jew who supported West Ham,"