New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[joe blob]

"A Muslim nonce took a great chance Took virgins as payment advance. Got nicked by the bill, Sent to Pentonville, And bum-fucked in a prison ""romance"". There was a young man from Butte. Saved up to shag a young prostitute"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Right off her feet she was swept 'Til he got out his cock, Jesus Wept! Was the size of a bean, And three shades of green. So out of his motor she leapt. A Muslim nonce took a great chance Took virgins as payment advance."

[Helmut Shown]

"Your average spurs fan to be blunt. Is to most other fans an affront. Thick as two planks But not worth two wanks The average spurs fan is a cսnt Right off her feet she was swept 'Til he got out his cock, Jesus Wept!"

[Saul Bollox]

"I have a horrible fear That those cunts win the league this year, I'd be cut to the quick, And physically sick. I'll think I'll emigrate to Zaire. Your average spurs fan to be blunt. Is to most other fans an affront."

[Helmut Shown]

Oops sorry about that problems on my ipad I once had a dream during the day Where my teeth were rotten with decay The after effects Of bad oral sex And anilingus every day I have a horrible fear That thosecunts win the league this year's

[Helmut Shown]

When I heard Dimi signed a new deal I confess I let out a small squeal Those tapping up yids And their very low bids That cսnt Levy's a slippery eel I've have a horrible fear That the cunts win the league this year

[HairyHammer]

"Who said sophistication is dead It's alive on the Limerick thread, Some Panache and grace With a soupcon of taste, Though Intelligence we all put to bed. I once had a dream during the day Where my teeth were rotten with decay,"

[Saul Bollox]

"He knew she was both deaf and dumb So he put his hand on her bum When she didn't cry out He lifted her clout, And covered her fanny with cum. Who said sophistication is dead, It's alive on the Limerick thread."

[Helmut Shown]

"After having a lovely tandouri, I picked up a pretty young houri But I found that she stunk Like a smelly old drunk In fact she smelt like a brew'ry He knew she was both deaf and dumb So he put his hand on her bum"

[Saul Bollox]

"One day I turned up for work Frankly feeling a right berk, I was walking about With my cock hanging out, My secretary looked with smirk. After having a lovely tandouri, I picked up a pretty young houri"

[Far East Hammer]

Our exploits in the FA cup. Means the Hammers are on the way up. Will we make a big score? Or it ends as before? Namely another right fuck up One day I turned up for work Frankly feeling a right berk

[Saul Bollox]

"Some posters will this thread oft open In hope that THEIR name is here spoken, The are often distaught When their search comes to nauught And leave a short post, just a token. Our exploits in the FA cup. Means the Hammers are on the way up."

[Saul Bollox]

"Some posters will this thread oft open In hope that THEIR name is here spoken, The are often distaught When their search comes to nauught And leave a short post, just a token. Our exploits in the FA cup. Means the Hammers are on the way up."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A man who was hunting for truffles With his beloved little pig called snuffles, The pig made much noise So, amongst his deploys Was a headset that porcine sound muffles Some posters will this thread oft open In hope that THEIR name is here spoken"

[HairyHammer]

"Have you ever heard of the saga, Of the landlord who watered the lager His punters hissed As they never got pissed And threw the tight twat in the Arger . A man who was hunting for truffles With his beloved little pig called snuffles,"

[Hammer and Pickle]

Bit of nastiness going round anyway.

[sanfrancis-co-uk]

Hahahahaha!!!!

[Alfie]

"Slap a pair of tits Whack them in the nips Watch the fleshy ripple Shes eaten too much crisps Own a pet wasp Prop it up and doss In a camp bed with it Hear its buzzy fidget Blow up a bomb Sing a long forgot song Swim the breast stroke Watch a goose be choked Tomb of the unknown soldier Commited to rest older Older unknown no known Body: name on a wall: typeface small Dogs, owls, cows, owls All my friends Wrapped in towels"

[Saul Bollox]

"A lady who decided to burp During a shift at the pub hard at work, This lady, called Floss Was sacked by the boss And then she went fucking berserk. Have you ever heard of the saga, Of the landlord who watered the lager"

[HairyHammer]

"For supper, I had pork and rice And have to confess it was nice I must be quite dim As a practising Muslim What a sin, but it was cheap at the price. A lady who decided to burp During a shift at the pub hard at work,"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"'Twas last summer I think around June, In a brothel in downtown Kowloon That I pulled a young chick That liked to suck dick In the glow of the Chinese full moon For supper, I had pork & rice And have to confess it was nice"

[Saul Bollox]

"Her bum was firm and so perky But her neck was like that of a turkey Sitting at her computer, With her out-sized hooter, And stuffing her face with beef jerky. 'Twas last summer I think around June, In a brothel in downtown Kowloon"

[Helmut Shown]

There once was a man from Nazeing Who used to sell new double glazing With such a good vista Of his neighbour's young sister Her tits were fucking amazing Her bum was firm and so perky But her neck was like that of a turkey

[Saul Bollox]

"Reminder THE STRUCTURE OF A LIMERICK Limericks are short poems of five lines having rhyme structure AABBA. It is officially described as a form of 'anapestic trimeter'. The 'anapest' is a foot of poetic verse consisting of three syllables, the third longer (or accentuated to a greater degree) than the first two: da-da-DA. The word 'anapest' shows it's own metric: anaPEST. Lines 1, 2 and 5 of a limerick should ideally consist of three anapests each, concluding with an identical or similar phoneme to create the rhyme. Lines 3 and 4 are shorter, constructed of two anapests each and again rhyming with each other with the overall rhyme structure of AABBA. The anapest metric must show the following pattern: (da) da DA da da DA da da DA (da) (da) (da) da DA da da DA da da DA (da) (da) (da) da DA da da DA (da) (da) da DA da da DA (da) (da) da DA da da DA da da DA (da) (da) Meaning that you can leave off the syllables in parentheses. But 1, 2 and 5 should match each other, and 3 and 4 should match. there ONCE was a GIRL from nanTUCKet --- leaves off the final 'da' the LIMerick packs LAUGHS anaTOmical --- uses all of them A good example of a limerick: The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I've seen Hardly ever are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical. Two more examples with anapests and rhyme highlighted: There was an young man of Darjeeling Endowed with such delicate feeling. When he read on the door ""Do not spit on the floor"", He jumped up and then spat on the ceiling! It's been told an old man had sent Emails, To some various dubious females, He was asked what they said, But he just shook his head. I would rather not go into details."

[Saul Bollox]

"I went to the market today And had a strange thought on the way. This though came quite quick I'd write a limerick, About playing Hartlepool away. There once was a man from Nazeing Who used to sell new double glazing"