New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[HairyHammer]

"Just read out your verse many times, Its vocal, not spelling that rhymes There's nothing to fear Your no Edward Lear Just a cock, who commits Limerick crimes. A dog that always licked face Had a breath that was such a disgrace,"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A shoemaker from Mincing lane Drank a pint that was full of champagne, He gave not two hoots He was filling his boots And draining them all once again Just read out your verse many times. Its vocal, not spelling that rhymes."

[HairyHammer]

"For a Lim'rick to be any good Both the opening lines always should... Be short and concise For the writer to devise, A clever amusing falsehood. A shoemaker from Mincing lane Drank a pint that was full of champagne,"

[Saul Bollox]

"Every woman deserves an attentive man But might struggle if their man supports West Ham, If that's their good luck But who gives a fuck, They can go with a t*tt*nh*m fan. For a Lim'rick to be any good Both the opening lines always should..."

[HairyHammer]

"A young lady from New Orleans Had an unsightly hole in her jeans, A man then released And shoved in his beast ""How did that bloody get in, she screamed"". Every woman deserves an attentive man But might struggle if their man supports West Ham,"

[Saul Bollox]

"A small man with a very big head Brought a fat woman home to bed, After writhing and twisting, And some anal fisting The fat lady sang and dropped dead. A young lady from New Orleans Had an unsightly hole in her jeans."

[HairyHammer]

"A young man from Auchenshuggle, Tried picking up muff on Google Finding muff was tough And the girls were all rough So instead he Googled porn to ogle. A little man with a very big head Brought a very fat woman home to bed,"

[HairyHammer]

"A young man from Auchenshuggle, Tried picking up muff on Google Finding muff was tough And the girls were all rough So instead he Googled porn to ogle. A little man with a very big head Brought a very fat woman home to bed,"

[Saul Bollox]

"A small boy had a shit in the park Which a dog ate, then started to bark, The dog went to it's place, And licked it's owners face, Leaving him a filthy brown mark. A young man from Auchenshuggle, Tried picking up muff on Google"

[HairyHammer]

"The thing that worries me a bit, We play quite badly against shit When the opposition is class We tend to kick arse, A quandary that West ham must quit. A small boy had a dump in the park Which a dog ate and then started to bark,"

[Saul Bollox]

"Sam Allardyce had a dastardly plan To beat his former club West Ham. To plan it did not go Because Antonio Scored at which Sam exclaimed: ""DAMN!"" The thing that worries me a bit, We play quite badly against shit"

[HairyHammer]

"In a brothel in Louisiana, A poof was playing the pianer. A man who walked in Saw the whores were all men Thought 'Lucky escape, wrong manner'. Sam Allardyce had a dastardly plan To beat his former club West Ham."

[Saul Bollox]

"The dominatrix stood above with a whip Grabbed his balls in a vice like grip, His enjoyment was marred Shouted""Too fucking hard And round her ear gave a sharp clip. In a brothel in Louisiana, A poof was playing the pianer"

[Helmut Shown]

In Rio a young girl called Seema Had a piss behind Christ the Redeemer She wasn't perturbed As she squatted undisturbed So decided to drop a brown steamer The dominatrix stood above with a whip Grabbed his balls in a vice like grip

[Saul Bollox]

"A boy found a condom in the park Blew it up and took it home for a lark, Must have been confused 'cos the thing had been used, And was left by a dirty no mark. In Rio a young girl called Seema Had a piss behind Christ the Redeemer"

[HairyHammer]

"A baseball wearing young chav Once shat on the seat in the lav, He got a cheeky rise And thought what a surprise, The next twat who comes in here will have. A boy found a condom in the park Blew it up and took it home for a lark,"

[Saul Bollox]

"Patient queuers close ranks and they shun pushers in at Upton Park station Without being cսnt, I go straight to the front, Having a freedom pass can be fun. A baseball cap wearing young chav. Once shat on the seat in the lav."

[,]

While walking down a local street I got dog shit on my feet it's dignity you lose when not wearing shoes the people who laughed got a treat. Patient queuers close ranks and they shun pushers in at Upton Park station

[Helmut Shown]

"Oops A man with a small head and two big ears Went to a pub and ordered two beers. The barman said ""Ey up You look like t' FA cup"" He said wiping away the tears While walking down a local street I got dog shit on my feet"

[Helmut Shown]

"His girlfriend looked great wearing pink, But then jumped up to piss in the sink As the sound resonates As she sprinkles the plates Not the best place to eat, don't you think? When walking down a local street I got dog shit on my feet"

[HairyHammer]

"His girlfriend looked great wearing pink But then jumped up to piss in the sink, Disgusted yet aroused His erection soon doused, As a brown log followed, creating a stink. A man with a small head and two big ears Went to a pub and ordered two beers."

[Saul Bollox]

"Holidaying in Lemington Spa I picked up a tart in the bar She lifted her skirt And started to insert In her fanny, a large Picnic bar. His girlfriend looked great wearing pink, But then jumped up to piss in the sink."

[Far East Hammer]

She stood there eating a Snickers A short dress and no Alan Wickers. Whilst up a step ladder Emptying her bladder Which upset the town's vicars Holidaying in Lemington Spa I picked up a tart in the bar

[Saul Bollox]

"Adieu he said to his wife As he left to end his sad life, Jumped in front of a train And woke up in pain, Legless, in hospital in Fife. like a champagne cork out it did crash, Covering the bowl in pebble-dah"

[HairyHammer]

"She stood there eating a snickers A short dress and no Alan Wickers, As fat as a pig And wearing a wig, With a face that caused many sniggers. Adieu he said to his wife As he left to end his sad life,"