New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"I've done this week's shopping on line I hope that it all arrives fine, And it would be good If the Christmas pud. Comes before I've drunk all the wine. Fucking Christmas rears it's ugly head. I want to shut it from my head"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The young lady who is my new border. Played a plaintive air on her recorder.... But the silly old bat Couldn't even do that, And played all the notes in the wrong order. I've done this week's shopping on line I hope that it all arrives fine"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young man from Ecuador Got clap after screwing a whore It was passed to his mum, After sex up her bum To wipe her arse now's rather sore. The young lady who is my new border. Played a plaintive air on her recorder."

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man from Brazil, Went out on the town for a thrill But he just didn't think And ended in clink For exposing the tip of his bill A young man from Ecuador Got clap after screwing a whore"

[Saul Bollox]

"For breakfast, I do like my tea I then have to go for a wee. Then I have some fun Using my bum gun It's better than wanking you see. There was a young man from Brazil, Went out on the town for a thrill"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A fat man felt so very sick As he searched for a doughnut to lick But, with no luck, instead, Did then settle for bread, But it had to be thin sliced, not thick. For breakfast, I do like my tea I then have to go for a wee."

[HairyHammer]

A laundry worker called Fong Was partial to sniffing a thong At night he would sniff His cute customers wiff' Then pull off his sad tiny dong. A fat man felt so very sick As he searched for a doughnut to lick

[Saul Bollox]

"While out on a jungle break He got bit, while pissing, by a snake The sore from the bite Was made to be alright By smearing with Cadbury's Flake. A laundry worker called Fong, Was partial to sniffing a thong"

[Helmut Shown]

"A prostitute from Kowloon, Was singing her favourite tune Low, low, your boat With many a bum note Could be heard as far as Rangoon While out on a jungle break He got bit, while pissing, by a snake"

[Saul Bollox]

"My neighbour, this week, has ""found God"" She sings all the time, the daft sod Not a christmas carol, But Roll out the Barrell A choice that I find rather odd. A prostitute from Kowloon, Was singing her favourite tune"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The news on the telly today Reality ""stars"" lead the way And...finally We all get to see That cսnt, Ryan Giggs, is quite gay My neighbour, this week, has ""found God"" She sings all the time, the daft sod"

[Helmut Shown]

"Karl Marx to his brother once said, ""Groucho do you want a new bed."" ""I don't want to sound sissy But the mattress is pissy And rusty springs on the bedstead The news on the telly today Reality ""stars"" lead the way"

[Saul Bollox]

"My village is chock-full of Poles And my garden is riddled with moles At the migrants a toff. Would stare at and scoff. But they get on quite well with the proles. Karl Marx to his brother once said, ""Groucho do you want a new bed."""

[Mike Oxsaw]

"*riddleD* I'm a fat-fingered cսnt, me... *checks punctuation again...*"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"*riddleD* I'm a fat-fingered cսnt, me... *checks punctuation again...*"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I once had a terrible shock I sat down to watch Beat the Clock When they rang the bell, I just dropped an ""l"", And now I've a jism soaked sock. My village is chock-full of Poles And my garden is riddles with moles"

[Saul Bollox]

"I've got to go buy some new shoes I'm not really sure what to choose, My last daisy roots Were them Chelsea boots, In many psychedelic hues. I once had a terrible shock I sat down to watch Beat the Clock"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"After eating asparagus spears When I piss a bad smell appears And, to add to that start, A sprout induced fart Reduces most people to tears. I've got to go buy some new shoes I'm not really sure what to choose"

[Helmut Shown]

"The bird I once met called Flora Sat scratching her labia minora The smell on her fingers I find, often lingers It hangs round her like an aurora After eating asparagus spears When I piss a bad smell appears"

[Saul Bollox]

"I've just worn a hole in me shirt Whilst trying to rub off some dirt, So to Asda I run To buy a new one That I've seen in a TV advert. The bird I once met called Flora Sat scratching her labia minora"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a man from Astrakhan, Was hatching a devious plan He thought he would go To watch Monaco Play Champions League games while they can. I've just worn a hole in me shirt Whilst trying to rub off some dirt"

[Saul Bollox]

"A young man from Newington Butts Dropped aftershave on his nuts The fluid did sting, And flowed down to his ring. From his arse now a big blister juts. There was a man from Astrakhan, Was hatching a devious plan"

[Helmut Shown]

While at work a colleague called Lily Did something to me rather silly Really lacking in grace Dropped a fart in my face A combo of cauliflower and chilli A young man from Newington Butts Dropped after shave on his nuts

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm dressed up in collar and tie But I don't have a clue as to why On another note I tried to shag a goat Who ran away as she's quite shy. While at work a colleague called Lily, Did something to me rather silly"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The content of lim'ricks I've seen In general is rather obscene And, knowing my luck This one will say fuck And ref'rence a fat mincing queen. I'm dressed up in collar and tie But I don't have a clue as to why"