New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Saul Bollox]

"The council won't empty my bin They say ""Overfull - that's a sin"" So I'm dumping it all, Outside the town hall. I don't think the cunts then will grin. I'm off for an afternoon nap, As soon as I've had a good crap."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Theresa May's in a bit of a jam Our off course missiles can't seem to land It's still up there now, Like, Oh! My God! Wow! It's fuck all to do with West Ham. The council won't empty my bin They say ""Overfull - that's a sin"""

[The Cult Of Bob]

"A singer who was one of The Corrs Had a stain the crutch of her drawers 'Everyone hurts', they sang at concerts Her vag was covered in sores Theresa May's in a bit of a jam Our off course missiles can't seem to land"

[Saul Bollox]

"The world, it has just got to face Religion should stay in it's place, If your IQ aint great, You're inadequate, Or loony, keep out of my space. A singer who was one of The Corrs Had a stain the crutch of her drawers"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I was told by my local Iman That a woman is worth half a man So, to settle the score I went and got four I did it - their LAW says I can. The world, it has just got to face Religion should stay in it's place"

[Saul Bollox]

"I woke up this morning to frost And thought of my energy cost, After something to eat, To create body heat I went under the duvet and tossed. I was told by my local Iman That a woman is worth half a man"

[Mike Oxsaw]

A lonely man who was sat in the park He Was starving like a ravenous shark To slate his strong craving Stole food from a raven Then went through the bins after dark. I woke up this morning to frost And thought of my energy cost

[HairyHammer]

We are now attacking with pace And have moved up into 10th place The team play as one Since the exit of le scum The arrogant and selfish disgrace. A lonely man who was sat in the park He Was starving like a ravenous shark

[Saul Bollox]

"A limerick dear Alfie can be fun No need to act up and play dumb The point he has missed He may have been pissed, This represents humour for some. We are now attacking with pace, And have moved up into 10th place"

[HairyHammer]

The roadie thought he did no wrong When sniffing the lead singers thong But to his disgust It was shit stained with crusts So now he just wanks to her songs. A limerick dear Alfie cab be fun No need to act up and play dumb

[Alfie]

Poxy Poxy this Poxy that Poxy fucking Poxy hat Poxy pastie Poxy tits Poxy udders Liebfraumilch Poxy fucking Poxy cսnt Poxy bleeding Little runt Poxt apple Poxy orange Poxy fucking Fucking corridor Poxy winders Poxy doors Poxy fucking Laminate floors Pox of the eyes Poxy spies Poxy fucking Poxy lies Proxy vote Fucking coat Rhyming words Poxy end

[Alfie]

The time imshit myself: 1997. A rhyming poem Shiton my nose Shit in me eyes Shit down me legs Cladding me thighs Shit in me pants Dirty romance Fecal matter Trouser splatter Shit galore Shit on the floor Ive shit meself Shat with stealth All down me legs Shitty pegs Lost control Anally flowed. Sorry mum I shat me trasis Never mind I'll buy you flowers Dont tell anyone Ive dropped me bum Embarrasing shit Couldnt help it

[Saul Bollox]

"A man who had very small balls Once visited Niagara falls, But while on his quest They did a sex test As he looked just like Millicent Smalls. The roadie thought he did no wrong, When sniffing the lead singer's thong"

[Alfie]

"I witnessed at upton park in my youth the most mental scene you ever did see in all born days. Down the years, the haze, this i recall Let me tell you of its hue, its tint, the vignette glimpsed. A tinctured tale, a life evinced . Gone now that once At Boleyn prevailed - South Bank 1991 A war on the terrace Of a mob, west ham the crowd bounced to a man The swaying tangle of hands Bubbles outstretched Ranged Round The old school Up the back Going mental Surging cattle Packed in Songs started up - din And famous chanted Silhouetted and oddly slanted Lumps, ours The Looming large Largesse charged - The thickly set The spliff roached wet Passed, the facially scarred. The brushed The tarred The cliche marred The north bank the south The punched shut mouth. The sticky bun The chicken on one The in, the out Old bill not daring To come at us dancing about The atheist The devout The ICF out The East London sung The fucked The virginal the songs we sung. The west ham Originals The old mans and the brothers Handed down, no choice The west ham boys Still mobbing the terrace Still bobbing about. Long left upton park Their voice died out."

[Alfie]

"The blitz on london. ""All things bright and beautiful All creatures great and small"" Hymns are sung. And veil the din Outside our shelter Outside the in, tiny snowflakes alight and skim Helter skelter from unseen hands - Their flight sky fallen come clinking air bombs. Borne Broken and beautiful poetry writ winds Haranguing the night - calligraphy in ink lit. Such revelry i think has rarely been witnessed here. Our Underground sub terrain Fear,  it is as if the very heavens have opened inflamed near Their majesty upon us, bombloads dispatched From luftwaffe blitz hatched upon london disdained - dark on us it rained Collapsed Bruising the roof Gripping our throats Terrifying the bold Scarring our youth."

[Alfie]

"Dying tramp, Ironmonger Lane- mid 90's Flumes of snot Ribbon dropped Glottal stopped Betrothed his face. He Hacking coughed Tongue blacked Crackling spat From Consumptive chops Defaced By Life stopped. disgraced - he Fell from grace Down and out Of favour And pavement sat Wavered And went to waste."

[HairyHammer]

There once was a TV chef Whose every other word was an eff Sometimes for a stunt He'd throw in a cսnt But only when snorting some meth. A man who had very small balls Once visited Niagara falls

[Helmut Shown]

A Welshman known only as Dai had an effusion from his jap's eye A doctor had a job To stick a camera in his knob Poor Dai thought that he'd rather die There once was a TV chef Whose every other word was an eff

[Saul Bollox]

"I'm watching this drama unfold, When will the fat fucker get sold? It is a known fact He's broken his contract, A manipulative cսnt, I've been told. A Weelshman known only as Dai had an effusion fro his jap's eye."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Next up we have Middlesborough, It's like a selling plate at The Curragh I'm gagging for this Hope we take the piss And 3 points come evening, t'murrah I'm watching this drama unfold, When will the fat fucker get sold?"

[joe blob]

"Payet has caused a big rift Its gone down like a fart in a lift, The club has a right To treat him like shite And just give the fucker short shrift. Next up we have Middlesborough, It's like a selling plate at The Curragh"

[joe blob]

"Payet has caused a big rift Its gone down like a fart in a lift, The club has a right To treat him like shite And just give the fucker short shrift. Next up we have Middlesborough, It's like a selling plate at The Curragh"

[Helmut Shown]

"Mohammed (Peace be unto him), Was partial to underage quim That's why there's rumours About middle aged groomers And blaming it on being Muslim Payet has caused a big rift Its gone down like a fart in a lift"

[joe blob]

"West Ham said goodbye to the Boleyn Many fans think the OS is a bin, But much more I'd say, Think that it's OK But to say so you'd think was a sin. Mohammed (Peace be unto him), Was partial to underage quim."

[Jim79]

"My wife found out what I do It wasn't all that - just a screw Mrs Payet is angry She caught Dimi banging Mandy Now its off to Marseille, toodaloo West Ham said goodbye to the Boleyn Many fans think the OS is a bin"