New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

There was a young man called Pete Who suffered the most smelly feet. Untying one shoe Released such a poo That it cleared all the dogs from the street. My boss has a handshake so limp I think he's a bit of a gimp

[joe blob]

"My TV has gone on the blink Now into depression I sink, No Corrie, Eastenders, Shows watched by benders, It's now left me right on the brink. There was a young man called Pete Who suffered the most smelly feet."

[joe blob]

"My TV has gone on the blink Now into depression I sink, No Corrie, Eastenders, Shows watcher by benders,"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A waste of our tax Charlie Gard, If he lives he will be a retard. But you just have to see It's all about ME! What part of that idea's so hard? My TV has gone on the blink Now into depression I sink"

[joe blob]

"A young lady from Ingatestone Spent her life staring at her phone. No romance she got, Just some smarmy twot, Who was trying to sell her a loan, A waste of our tax Charlie Gard, If he lives he will be a retard."

[Far East Hammer]

"She said ""like it or lump it"" As she started to shave her crumpet In the middle of aisle three Where all the shoppers could see ""Before buying the razor I'll test it!"" A young lady from Ingatestone Spent her life staring at her phone"

[Helmut Shown]

"I flushed hard on the train bog But It didn't remove my big log I felt like a fool With such a big stool Trying desperately to unclog She said ""like it or lump it"" As she started to shave her crumpet"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I got up and ready to depart When I dropped an involuntary fart I sighed a great ""Phew!"" At no follow-through But the stench was still rancid and tart I flushed hard on the train bog But It didn't remove my big log"

[Helmut Shown]

My missus returned home early Caught me inside her friend Shirley My cock did displace And I came on her face All drippy gooey and pearly I got up and ready to depart When I dropped an involuntary fart

[Far East Hammer]

"My woman is giving me grief I'm fed-up beyond my back teeth Moan, nag and complain Repeated, a pain For shagging her mate - it beggars belief! My missus returned home early Caught me inside her friend Shirley"

[Mike Oxsaw]

During the summer who will we sign? To more disappointment I resign Deep down in your soul You know Carlton Cole Will come and again lead the line. My woman is giving me grief I'm fed-up beyond my back teeth

[Far East Hammer]

"A young German chap called Fritz, Who went for a meal at the Ritz Tight as a fish's arse Paying the bill was a farce Took one look, panicked, had the shits During the summer who will we sign? To more disappointment I resign"

[Saul Bollox]

"Whilst having her down on his fellow He sensed ""her"" five o'clock shadow He started to grapple, With ""her"" Adam's apple, And caught on that ""she"" was a lad-o. A young German chap called Fritz, Who went for a meal at the Ritz"

[Far East Hammer]

"While on a Caribbean cruise She decided her cherry she'd lose She'd give it for free But aged eighty-three Quite sadly no-one her did choose Whilst having her down on his fellow He sensed ""her"" five o'clock shadow"

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young girl called Eunice Squatted by her car for a piss. Opening front and back doors She pulled down her drawers And gave the pavement a kiss While on a Caribbean cruise She decided her cherry she'd lose

[Saul Bollox]

There was a young girl called Eunice Squatted by her car for a piss.

[Saul Bollox]

"A young man whilst searching the net Found a doctor instead of a vet, So he started again But efforts were in vain, I'm told that he is searching yet."

[Alwaysaniron]

There was a young man called Tony Had it off with a Shetland pony He was hung like a horse So it fitted of course Now they're both happy and neither is lonely A young man whilst searching the net Found a doctor instead of a vet

[Alwaysaniron]

There was a young man called Tony Had it off with a Shetland pony He was hung like a horse So it fitted of course Now they're both happy and neither is lonely A young man whilst searching the net Found a doctor instead of a vet

[Helmut Shown]

"A young lass from Cowdenbeath, For felatio took out her false teeth If you stuck it in her gob Halitosis of the knob My advice, just wear a sheath There was a young man called Tony Had it off with a Shetland pony"

[Saul Bollox]

"There was a young lady from Beccles Whose bottom was covered in freckles, As a stripper 'twas fun As she exposed her bum It was met with cat calls and heckles. a young lass from Cowdenbeath, For felatio took out her false teeth"

[Helmut Shown]

"There once was a bloke called McFadden, Let off a wet fart, twas a bad'un A Daily Mail hack Said ""a nerve gas attack"" His journo standards just sadden There was a young lady from Beccles Whose bottom was covered in freckles"

[Saul Bollox]

"Summer's upon us once again Not much footie now, what a pain And this is the reason I hate the closed season Sports like tennis or golf are inane. There once was a bloke called McFadden, Let off a wet fart, twas a bad'un"

[Far East Hammer]

"There was a young man who was Welsh, Thought he would try doing a felch He quite liked the flavour Which he started to savour Then let out a right stinky belch Summer's upon us once again Not much footie now, what a pain"

[joe blob]

"I once had a pint of real ale The hue of a rusty old nail It tasted quite bitter Went straight out my shitter An left a hot steamy shit trail. There was a young man who was Welsh, Thought he would try doing a felch"