New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

A man from Newcastle on Tyne Appeared once on What's My Line His mime wasn't clean Almost obscene I've seen his sort while online Some say Professor Moriarty Could throw quite a good dinner party

[joe blob]

"A short man with a very big head Was a Monster to women in bed This randy old dwarf Would rip their clothes orf. Abusive and crude, so it's said. A man from Newcastle on Tyne Appeared once on What's My Line"

[HairyHammer]

"To an old whore house in Casablanca, Went a man who worked on an oil tanker He picked a beaut with big tits Who during Anal got the shits But still he came twice, dirty wanker. A short man with a very big head Was a Monster to women in bed"

[joe blob]

"To an old whore house in Casablanca, Went a man who worked on an oil tanker"

[joe blob]

"Oops TOWIE, Made in Chelsea, Geordie Shore You've got to be a dipstick or a whores The people are tools In these shows made for fools I was telling the lady next door"

[joe blob]

"A blind man that wanted a shag In Kings Cross found an old hag, She asked him to bid He refused at five quid Knocked her down to a tea and a fag. To an old whore house in Casablanca, Went a man who worked on an oil tanker"

[Helmut Shown]

"A blind man that wanted a shag In Kings Cross found an old hag Double D tits But the other naughty bits? A cock and a saggy ballbag TOWIE, Made in Chelsea, Geordie Shore You've got to be a dipstick or a whore"

[HairyHammer]

There was a young man called Joe For a laugh bought his wife a dildo She said it's tiny you twat Got three bigger than that Still it's better than your one though. A blind man that wanted a shag In Kings Cross found an old hag

[Helmut Shown]

"Our hero Alladin's his name From the corner of Chow and Main. Rubbing the lamp on his front He said ""let me see cսnt"" A flash and he's in White Hart Lane There was a young man called Joe For a laugh bought his wife a dildo"

[joe blob]

"There was an old man called Rex Had a penchant for bottom sex. Man woman or sheep Up the anus he'd leap, Not stopping to take off his specs. Our hero Alladin's his name From the corner of Chow and Main."

[Helmut Shown]

Twas ever thus said a drunk man As he bent down to pick up a can Overbalanced a bit And fell arse over tit And the can got flattened by a van There was an old man called Rex Had a penchant for bottom sex

[HairyHammer]

"I see there's a bit of a breeze In Sint Maarten, in Dutch Antilles The tourists seem fewer And it could not look bluer Oh shit !, are those flying trees?. Twas ever thus said a drunk man As he bent down to pick up a can"

[joe blob]

"There is a rich player called Wayne his libido he cannot restrain, He picked up a granny Invaded her fanny, Having promised his wife he'd abstain. I see there's a bit of a breeze In Sint Maarten, in Dutch Antilles"

[joe blob]

"There is a rich player called Wayne his libido he cannot restrain, He picked up a granny Invaded her fanny, Having promised his wife he'd abstain. I see there's a bit of a breeze In Sint Maarten, in Dutch Antilles"

[,]

"We near the bottom of the pit, Lose Monday, we're right in the shit bur for this reason, it is early season, we'll easily get out of it. There is a rich player called Wayne his libido he cannot restrain"

[joe blob]

"He would swim at various lidos Until his accident with his Speedos The men, seeing his cock, Thought him a laughing stock. But the ladies, it raised their libidos. We near the bottom of the pit, Lose Monday, we're right in the shit"

[Helmut Shown]

An Irishman from country Cork Was playing with his piece of pork He spread some lard As it started to get hard With a firm grip he applied some torque He would swim at various lidos Until his accident with his Speedos

[Saul Bollox]

"With a slapper he'd spent the night Without paying he then took flight ""A clear case of rape"" Said the magistrate ""So it's off to the crown court, you shite."" An Irishman from country Cork Was playing with his piece of pork"

[Helmut Shown]

A zoo worker name of Pricilla Caught being shagged by a gorilla The ape's greater strength As he slipped her a length Meant she felt she had sat on a pillar With a slapper he'd spent the night Without paying he then took flight

[joe blob]

"In public, when you break wind They look at you like you've sinned, When out in a crowd Lift your leg and fart loud, The passers by look quite chagrined. A zoo worker name of Pricilla Caught being shagged by a gorilla"

[Helmut Shown]

"My dog has just farted, I think Here lingers a hell of a stink He looks at me strange As my pants I rearrange There's a turd there, I feel my heart sink In public, when you break wind They look at you like you've sinned"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"When the ""people's princess"" had died A poster confessed that he cried. It then came to pass He was simply an arse That then had to do WHOicide. My dog has just farted, I think Here lingers a hell of a stink"

[joe blob]

"My beer, it has gone rather flat I don't really think much of that, When the bottle says they, Are brewed in the UK They taste like the piss of a cat. When the ""people's princess"" had died A poster confessed that he cried."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Don't cut and paste your limerick Into a work email, you prick Your boss, he won't laugh But reduce his staff By one, and that's you, Mr. Thick. My beer, it has gone rather flat I don't really think much of that"

[Far East Hammer]

"Deadline day and nothing yet We'll sign nobody I'll bet I think I'm past caring What with young Jack's Twittering And Gold harping on about debt Don't cut and paste your limerick Into a work email, you prick"