New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"This year I've got a well crap tree Looking at it brings misery I know what I'll do! Give it to the zoo At least it may feed a monkey. The end of the year fast approaches But here, we still have useless coaches"

[Far East Hammer]

A flag rose high for off-side But a cսnt in black clearly lied It all looks hookie If you're a bookie Who took big bets game'd be tied This year I've got a well crap tree Looking at it brings misery

[HairyHammer]

A Scotsman from near Dunoon Lifted up his kilt and bent doon He produced a big jobbie A taboo kinky hobby Achieved after eating some prunes. A flag rose high for off-side But a cսnt in black clearly lied

[arsene york-hunt]

"Making love in the back of a taxi He shoved a thumb up her jacksy, With his knob did impale 'er, Then this Russian Sailor. Said: ""That's how it's done on The Black Sea. A Scotsman from near Dunoon Lifted up his kilt and bent doon"

[Helmut Shown]

A man who comes from Botswana Shoved up his arse a banana It felt like a tool 'Til he squeezed out a stool And he shouted out loud Hossanah! Making love in the back of a taxi He shoved a thumb up her jacksy

[arsene york-hunt]

A man who comes from Botswana Shoved up his arse a banana

[arsene york-hunt]

A man who comes from Botswana Shoved up his arse a banana

[arsene york-hunt]

Of one thing there can be no doubt The board need to get the cash out. We're playing such shit There's no doubt about it We must spend to be in with a shout

[arsene york-hunt]

"Another poor Cresswell display With his place in the team he should pay, But try as we might We are under a blight When all the bent refs have their say. A man who comes from Botswana Shoved up his arse a banana"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Another poor Cresswell display With his place in the team he should pay But who should come in, And get us that win? We're down to bare bones, as they say. Of one thing there can be no doubt The board need to get the cash out."

[Helmut Shown]

"Whilst walking along with my granny All I could smell was fishy fanny The dirty old wench Producing such a stench And she said she'd washed, uncanny! Another poor Cresswell display With his place in the team he should pay"

[cup of tea]

Our history on Boxing Day's bad Will Bournemouth once again make us sad To be honest I don't care This seasons been a right mare Twas enough to send most on here mad Whilst walking along with my granny All I could smell was fishy fanny

[Helmut Shown]

Today is the day of the box When some are out chasing a fox Wrong on so many fronts These upper class cunts Hope the twats all get the pox Our history on Boxing Day's bad Will Bournemouth once again make us sad

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The Lim'rick thread rolls on with it's wit, Sometimes fair, sometimes good, mostly shit. I hold up a hand. My stuff's really bland. But people still put up with it. Today is the day of the box When some are out chasing a fox"

[arsene york-hunt]

"So. Ho-ho-ho-h! Christmas cheer. With Buck's Fizz, mulled wine and some beer, I'm wishing, at Noel, All Limericists well To all a preposterous New Year. The Lim'rick thread rolls on with it's wit, Sometimes fair, sometimes good, mostly shit"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"On the south side of Picadilly. A working girl did something silly She picked out a winner So her nose got much thinner Then told everyone ""It's Caerphilly!"" So. Ho-ho-ho-h! Christmas cheer. With Buck's Fizz, mulled wine and some beer"

[arsene york-hunt]

"It's time now for next year's death list. On it who will be the most missed? Maybe Bruno Mars, A few sporting stars, Or the bloke who invented the twist. On the south side of Picadilly. A working girl did something silly."

[Mike Oxsaw]

A playboy who lives in Marbella Woke up in bed with a fella With shit on his dick And as he looked at it His thoughts turned to singer Paul Weller. It's time now for next year's death list. On it who will be the most missed?

[arsene york-hunt]

"A kebab shop owner, a Turk Had one off the wrist while at work To excite his fervour, He played on his server A black woman doing a twerk.* *Some kind of buttock gyrations A playboy who lives in Marbella Woke up in bed with a fella"

[Helmut Shown]

"A Doris in Lloret de Mar. Looked aged like my old grandma Skin all red From the tanning bed And gets fucked in the back of a car A kebab shop owner, a Turk Had one off the wrist while at work"

[arsene york-hunt]

"In Benidorm, summer of ninety four Met a girl from Rochdale, a cheap whore. She was without cares A-flogging her wares, Picking up punters on the dance-floor. A Doris in Lloret de Mar. Looked aged like my old grandma"

[cup of tea]

"My neighbour just whipped off her drawers. Then got down right there - on all fours. Whilst spreading her cheeks She farted, it reeked With a sound like a lions roar In Benidorm, summer of ninety four Met a girl from Rochdale who was a cheap whore"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"With the surfeit of booze there's a worry That I'll whip up my zip in a hurry... With my todger still out, Which will hurt, and I'll shout: ""Oh Fuck! I've gone right off that curry!"" My neighbour just whipped off her drawers. Then got down right there - on all fours."

[COOL HAND LUKE]

"A young Irishman called Eamon. Went to see the local Shaman. He said ""I've been told you've Got spirits on hold? So Cough up some whiskey today, man!"" With the surfeit of booze there's a worry That I'll whip up my zip in a hurry..."

[arsene york-hunt]

"Tomorrow, it is Christmas Eve It's time to get pissed, I believe. Liking this time of year? One would have to be queer, Christmas time just makes me heave. A young Irishman called Eamon. Went to see the local Shaman."