New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

A young inventor called Bass Made a lighter using methane GAS But the lighter corroded And eventually exploded On leaking a critical mass He thought the brown spot was a mole

[Helmut Shown]

A young inventor called Bass Made a lighter using methane But the lighter corroded And eventually exploded On leaking a critical mass He thought the brown spot was a mole That appeared right near his bumhole

[arsene york-hunt]

"Whilst down on one knee to propose, He farted - and nobody knows... What happened next, But I've just got a text And was told that she was on her toes. A young inventor called Bass Made a lighter using methane gas"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young lady Miss Hunt, Who went for a ride on a punt. The pricker, a rasta, Was ordered ""Go faster!"" He responded ""Girl, you've got some front!"" Whilst down on one knee to propose, He farted - and nobody knows..."

[arsene york-hunt]

"A hooker whilst out earning cash, To pay for some bangers and mash, And while out of course Bought a bottle of sauce, And some ointment to put on her gash. There was a young lady Miss Hunt, Who went for a ride on a punt."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I want to start the new year, With a lim'rick about an old queer But four men were slain, And nobody's sayin', The reason it's happening here. A hooker whilst out earning cash, To pay for some bangers and mash,"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I took my wife out to the mall Then went to the pub with a pal I was quite pissed still When she showed me the bill I think then I had a grand mal. I want to start the new year, With a lim'rick about an old queer"

[Mike Oxsaw]

If we lose once again Tuesday night This will not improve our plight The signs are all there: The board just don't care If we parachute out the top flight. I took my wife out to the mall Then went to the pub with a pal

[Helmut Shown]

"It's said Sergei Rachmaninoff , Had an affair with a young toff. He was left on his jack Cause he's crap in the sack Now he sits and wanks himself off If we lose once again Tuesday night This will not improve our plight"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I'm not going out with the jerks To go ""Ooh!"" and ""Aah!"" at fireworks So my plans for tonight Will be an early night, After a doner, bought from the Turks. It's said Sergei Rachmaninoff , Had an affair with a young toff."

[arsene york-hunt]

"I'm not going out with the jerks To go ""Ooh!"" and ""Aah!"" at fireworks So my plans for tonight Will be an early night, After a doner, bought from the Turks. It's said Sergei Rachmaninoff , Had an affair with a young toff."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The philosopher Rene Descartes Put an advert in Exchange and Mart It read ""If you please,"" ""Can you sell me some knees?"" ""That keep arse and foot far apart."" I'm not going out with the jerks To go ""Ooh!"" and ""Aah!"" at fireworks"

[arsene york-hunt]

"My farts reek to heaven above Up my arris' a finger i'll shove It's the baked beans I think, That are causing the stink, Does nothing for brotherly love, The philosopher Rene Descartes Put an advert in Exchange and Mart"

[cup of tea]

I know what I'm talking about. You're THICK so I may have to SHOUT! You see you just don't get it Just fuck off and fucking forget it You jumped up little smelly old trout My farts reek to heaven above Up my arris' a finger i'll shove

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A lone cowboy riding the range To an injun squaw dis something strange He laid down his rifle And knocked up a trifle. For ""Westerns"" this made quite a change. I know what I'm talking about. You're THICK so I may have to SHOUT!"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A Scotsman was sat in his kilt Down which hot cocoa he spilt The stain was quite clear And looked like diarrhoea, On such things that rumours are built. A lone cowboy riding the range To an injun squaw dis something strange"

[Helmut Shown]

"I quite like a classical tune The Planets, or songs of the Moon But my taste forbids That the dirge sung by yids From enjoying that, i'm immune A Scotsman was sat in his kilt Down which hot cocoa he spilt"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"He slipped naked in his bed one night But then thought that he could smell shite It has to be said He was in the wrong bed But shitting it still isn't right. I quite like a classical tune The Planets, or songs of the Moon"

[Helmut Shown]

"Many of the Limericks I've viewed Unsurprisingly are downright crude You'd have it as as banker That ""fuck,"" ""cսnt"" and ""wanker"" In this sort of rhyme are imbued He slipped naked in his bed one night But then thought that he could smell shite"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Admiring his next door neighbour's wife Seemed to cause Reginald quite some strife, So he got his mate Frank, To give him a wank, In the suburbs this kind of thing's rife. Many of the Limericks I've viewed Unsurprisingly are downright crude"

[Far East Hammer]

"A Mexican from Chichen Itza, Turned to his girl and said Your tits are..... Truly enormous And also sumptuous Or are you wearing a wonderbra !? Admiring his next door neighbour's wife Seemed to cause Reginald quite some strife"

[arsene york-hunt]

"He's dropped to another division So Pulis attracts more derision A real chavy chap Who wears a baseball cap, It was money which drove his decision. A Mexican from Chichen Itza, Turned to his girl and said Your tits are....."

[Helmut Shown]

A young man who comes from Beijing. Came to London to try Cottaging. But he made a big boob Forgetting the lube Went home with a very sore ring He's dropped to another division So Pulis attracts more derision

[arsene york-hunt]

"The ""experts"" on Match of the Day Their views do nothing but dismay If it's not some fool, Who supports Liverpool It's Lineker, I'm certain he's gay. A young man who comes from Beijing. Came to London to try Cottaging."

[Helmut Shown]

"The end of the year fast approaches But here, we still have useless coaches Our team they can't mend Or teach to defend And proliferate just like cockroaches The ""experts"" on Match of the Day Their views do nothing but dismay"