New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"A man from quite near Wanstead Flats Had an unhealthy fondness for cats He went all wussy When stroking his pussy And then got a handful of sprats* A young man from Shoeburyness Would go to his work in a dress *An old term equivalent to the American term of getting to third base that the youngsters use today, referring to the smell on the hand after doing the deed."

[arsene york-hunt]

"On match of the day they talk shite Their ""experts"" not worth a light, They favour it seems, The big top six teams And think that cheats diving's alright. A man from quite near Wanstead Flats Had an unhealthy fondness for cats"

[Helmut Shown]

"A Take Your Pick punter called Green Went to open that box thirteen. But the poor old dope Won some carbolic soap And he'd wanted a washing machine On match of the day they talk shite Their ""experts"" not worth a light"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A Frenchman from gay old Paris Had a carrot stuck up his Harris, A kinky sex toy, Shoved up by a rent boy, In the back of a Toyota Yaris. A Take Your Pick punter called Green Went to open that box thirteen."

[arsene york-hunt]

"A Frenchman from gay old Paris Had a carrot stuck up his Harris, A kinky sex toy, Shoved up by a rent boy, In the back of a Toyota Yaris. A Take Your Pick punter called Green Went to open that box thirteen."

[HairyHammer]

"There once was a bloke called Mick, Tried to write a clean Limerick. But as hard as he'd try He was a 'Fuck shit cսnt' guy So gave up, and wrote something sick. A Frenchman from gay old Paris Had a carrot stuck up his Harris"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A dirty old Scot from Aberdeen Noticed his scrotum was green, With Vim he did scrub, Til blood covered the tub And now it is spotlessly clean. There once was a bloke called Mick, Tried to write a clean Limerick."

[Helmut Shown]

In a nightclub in old Hong Kong A waitress will play with your dong. And if you're quite cute She'd play your cock like a flute But she wouldn't get much of a song A dirty old Scot from Aberdeen Noticed his scrotum was green

[arsene york-hunt]

"""It's MY club, and I'm staying put!"" Screamed Sullivan, stamping his foot. His comments inane, Drive us fans insane I think there is trouble afoot.. In a nightclub in old Hong Kong A waitress will play with your dong."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"At best we might win the toss And the ref is Jonathan Moss I bet the board spin The lack of a win As anything other than dross. ""It's MY club, and I'm staying put!"" Screamed Sullivan, stamping his foot."

[Helmut Shown]

"Saturday we must put on a show, Or down into the drop zone we'll go Cresswell on the left Our defence is bereft I see nothing in the future but woe At best we might win the toss And the ref is Jonathan Moss"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Steve Smith sat crying like a kid Quite ashamed of the things that he did, It appears he is fraught Just because he got caught Of this cheating cսnt, cricket's well rid. Saturday we must put on a show, Or down into the drop zone we'll go."

[Helmut Shown]

There was a young geezer called Bob Had a fest'ring boil on his knob.T He wouldn't go to the doc As it grew on his cock Resembling a corn on the cob Steve Smith sat crying like a kid Quite ashamed of the things that he did

[arsene york-hunt]

"There once was a head chef from Kew Who liked to jizz off in the stew, Punters liked to savour, The continental flavour, It earned him a Mich'lin star too. There was a young geezer called Bob Had a fest'ring boil on his knob."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"He sat on a jet in the hot tub And gave his old chap a quick rub. A subtly quick squeeze, And out popped cream cheese. So that;s why he's banned from the club. There once was a head chef from Kew Who liked to jizz off in the stew"

[Helmut Shown]

"From the Royal enclosure a toff, Was ejected when caught wanking off. He could clearly be seen By a very shocked queen She looked away with a cough He sat on a jet in the hot tub And gave his old chap a quick rub"

[joe blob]

"There was a young girl from Braintree Who'd let you make love for a fee, This filthy young whore, Would charge but a score, And then suckyour willy for free. From the Royal enclosure a toff, Was ejected when caught wanking off."

[Helmut Shown]

"A pretty, bored housewife called Rita Let in the bloke to read the meter He started to flirt And put a hand up her skirt And pulled down her panties to eat 'er There was a young girl from Braintree Who'd let you make love for a fee"

[Helmut Shown]

"A pretty, bored housewife called Rita Let in the bloke to read the meter He started to flirt And put a hand up her skirt And pulled down her panties to eat 'ere There was a young girl from Braintree Who'd let you make love for a fee"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was a tall woman from Bow Who enjoyed making love in the snow This fit masochist, Was invariably pissed, And when shagging her urine would flow. A pretty, bored housewife called Rita Let in the bloke to read the meter"

[HairyHammer]

"At a massage parlour in Tooting, Some new ladies now they're recruiting For those sick dirty men Who love faeces and phlegm And even the occasional booting. There was a tall woman from Bow Who enjoyed making love in the snow"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Nerve agents Brexit and Trump No wonder that we have the hump, So I took an OD And was in A & E But woke up during the stomach pump. At a massage parlour in Tooting, Some new ladies now they're recruiting"

[,]

A transsexual from Luton Hoo was barred from the lady’s loo Those between genders Are they dykes or just benders and where do they go for a poo? Nerve agents Brexit and Trump No wonder that we have the hump

[Helmut Shown]

"""Give up fishing or we are through"". i'll miss her a lot, silly moo. I'm sat on the bank Having a wank And it works as good ground bait too A transsexual from Luton Hoo Was barred from the ladies loo"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Let's laugh at those hooked on religion. A dog's got more sense, so's a pigeon, These half-witted cocks, Would see through the bollocks. If they had more sense, just a smidgen. ""Give up fishing or we are through"". i'll miss her a lot, silly moo."