New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

The footballer Lopez Ufarte Once went to a wife swapping party When he went for his prize 'Twas a man in disguise None other than Professor Moriarty As he sat there drinking some scotch His hand wandered down to his crotch

[arsene york-hunt]

"Have we seen all this before? Free transfers and nothing more, I could not give a toss, Watching some of the dross, Who come and go through our door. The footballer Lopez Ufarte Once went to a wife swapping party"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man called Cliffy On a bus he played with his stiffy he blew his top when asked if he'd stop He said "" I'll be done in a jiffy"" Have we seen all this before? Free transfers and nothing more"

[arsene york-hunt]

When I go out on Sundays Off the line I steal women's undies One of my best scores Was when I got the drawers Of one of them islamic fundies. There was a young man called Cliffy On a bus he played with his stiffy

[Helmut Shown]

"I try to write clean Limericks, But think of tits, arses and dicks But most bores on here Would rather, I fear Speak of Brexit and politics When I go out on Sundays Off the line I steal women's undies"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was a young man from Ghent Ran a brothel from inside a tent Summer profits went well, But in winter they fell, And dipped again round about lent. I try to write clean Limericks, But think of tits, arses and dicks"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man who did hanker, For a prostitute in Casablanca But his dream fell apart When she dropped a loud fart The relationship ended in rancour There was a young man from Ghent Ran a brothel from inside a tent"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man who did hanker, For a prostitute in Casablanca But his dream fell apart When she dropped a loud fart The relationship ended in rancour There was a young man from Ghent Ran a brothel from inside a tent"

[arsene york-hunt]

"It's said that their knobs are much bigger, But why? That is quite hard to figure. When they take them out, It makes the ladies shout, And the blokes just stand there and snigger. There was a young man who did hanker, For a prostitute in Casablanca"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a man, while he was manic Booked a trip on RMS Titanic. As the ship it did sink, He ordered more drink. No sense in creating a panic. It's said that their knobs are much bigger, But why? That is quite hard to figure."

[arsene york-hunt]

"In the forest while having a pee He was stung on his knob by a bee Asked the Indian doc , Who looked at his cock, Kill the pain leave swelling Doc. Ji. There was a man, while he was manic Booked a trip on RMS Titanic"

[Helmut Shown]

"I sparked up a joint in my car, But made it look like a cigar I looked quite absurd Like smoking a turd When I was viewed from afar In the forest while having a pee He was stung on his knob by a bee"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"The Vicar was feeling so fine, He'd just stole some drawers off a line, But the gusset was clean No skids could be seen To perverts that's not a good sign. I sparked up a joint in my car, But made it look like a cigar"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There once was a girl from Milan Had a bad encounter with a man She wanted rumpy-pumpy But he became humpy As his cock was cut off in Iran. The Vicar was feeling so fine, He'd just stole some drawers off a line,"

[Helmut Shown]

A broody young lady from Caister Had her eye on a large turkey-baster She then gave a pull To her father's prize bull These Norfolk traditions debased her There once was a girl from Milan Had a bad encounter with a man

[SurfaceAgentX2Zero]

"arsene york-hunt 2:31 Thu Jun 7 A young man from near Cowdenbeeth Asked his dentist to extract his teeth. the dentist refused 'Young man, you're confused That's a fine set of white Hampstead Heaths. A broody young lady from Caister Had her eye on a large turkey-baster"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A young morris-dancer from Wells Had a stick that was covered in bells, The bladder of a pig Held on a long twig, And at Molly Dancing excels. A young man from near Cowdenbeeth Asked his dentist to extract his teeth."

[SurfaceAgentX2Zero]

"An Islamist nut from Benghazii Let his bomb off while sat on the khazi. His balls went to hell, his penis as well His virgins cried, Yes!',(in good Farsi). A young morris-dancer from Wells Had a stick that was covered in bells"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Heavy breathing to a girl on the phone He sat slowly stroking his bone We've all done this some, But not to ones mum, This is conduct I cannot condone. An Islamist nut from Benghazii Let his bomb off while sat on the khazi."

[Helmut Shown]

In the Navy there was a young rating Wandered the deck somnambulating If you looked in his hand He was holding his gland While shamelessly masturbating Heavy breathing to a girl on the phone He sat slowly stroking his bone

[arsene york-hunt]

"An expat, quite fond of a drink Decided to have a long think. So he went to the bog, Dreamed while choking a log, Of Blighty, and making a stink. In the Navy there was a young rating Wandered the deck somnambulating"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young man from Poole, Dropped his trousers and laid a big stool As it rolled down the chine He yelled ""That one's mine!"" ""You can tell by the smell, as a rule."" An expat, quite fond of a drink Decided to have a long think."

[arsene york-hunt]

"A girl on a night on the town In the gutter with her knickers pulled down, She lay there in pieces, All covered with faeces, To her parents, she's quite a letdown. There was a young man from Poole, Dropped his trousers and laid a big stool"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A girl on a night on the town In the gutter with her knickers pulled down, She lay there in pieces, All covered with faeces, To her parents, She's quite a letdown. There was a young man from Poole, Dropped his trousers and laid a big stool"

[Helmut Shown]

Some cսnt from the Welsh Town of Rhyl Showed his arse to a girl on the pill She stuck up her thumb And pulled his left plum For her it was run of the mill A girl on a night on the town In the gutter with her knickers pulled down