New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Spandex Sidney]

"There's a prostitute called Lulu. In the foothills near Kathmandu. It seems her crack is the slackest, and also the blackest And she's known as Gavros on WHO When applying the fake tan it was stressy, For Cristiano, the big fucking Jessie,"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Sat next to a bloke in a diner, He said ""will you show your vagina"" I said: ""You on coke? I'm a fucking bloke. But I'll take out me knob, me old china."" There's a prostitute called Lulu. In the foothills near Kathmandu"

[Helmut Shown]

"I haven't real sex for ages, So I opened up my ""Yellow Pages"" Pages stuck together Must be the weather! Better go out. Spend my wages Sat next to a bloke in a diner, He said ""will you show your vagina"""

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A geriatric fell for a teen She said ""no"" and created a scene He got his knob out And waved it about She shouted ""My god! It's all green!"" I haven't real sex for ages, So I opened up my ""Yellow Pages"""

[Far East Hammer]

"A young girl from near Canterbury, In a public bog lost her cherry A dirty old man had her Inside a filthy crapper Though she still left feeling quite merry A geriatric fell for a teen She said ""no"" and created a scene"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A Swiss girl who came from Berne On stage performed a weird turn Setting her farts alight, But it caused a big fright Her drawers lit up, causing concern. A young girl from near Canterbury, In a public bog lost her cherry"

[Helmut Shown]

"I only really like West Ham, Internationals? I don't give a damn Southgate and cohorts Yids of all sorts Make me want to change the programme A Swiss girl who came from Berne On stage performed a weird turn"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I only really like West Ham, Internationals? I don't give a damn"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Have you ever heard of anything sillier Than dressing as a baby paraphilia And shitting in a nappy and being all crappy, Me? I prefer necrophilia."

[arsene york-hunt]

"My scrotum's really quite itchy The damn lice making me tetchy, I've had ointment and jabs, To rid me of these crabs How I got them? My memory's sketchy. I only really like West Ham, Internationals? I don't give a damn"

[Helmut Shown]

My scrotum's really quite itchy The damn lice making me tetchy That'll teach me what for To fuck a two bob whore My memory of that night is sketchy Have you ever heard of anything sillier Than dressing as a baby paraphilia

[Far East Hammer]

"We're 1 - 0 down, what to do? Danny Welbeck to carry us through?? Sorry to be finickety But there's no West Ham Trinity So we cannot win it - that's true! My scrotum's really quite itchy The damn lice making me tetchy"

[Helmut Shown]

"The Krauts it appeared played quite bad, And their exit I'm sure makes us sad. Thomas Müller in tears Worth a few rounds of beers Schadenfreude! We're all fucking glad We're 1 - 0 down, what to do? Danny Welbeck to carry us through??"

[arsene york-hunt]

Fuck off!

[defjam]

5000

[defjam]

5000

[arsene york-hunt]

"There once was a merchant sailor Came ashore one day in Venezuela, He stopped quite a few, And asked directions to, The address of a very good Tailor. The Krauts it appeared played quite bad, And their exit I'm sure makes us sad."

[Helmut Shown]

"Dance Macabre: corpses get up and jig, Sounds just like a Rolling Stones gig. These rock legend chappies May soon be in nappies And perhaps they may have a wig There once was a merchant sailor Came ashore one day in Venezuela"

[arsene york-hunt]

"As he walked down the road in bare feet There was dogshit all over the street It went, as it goes, Between all of his toes, At least it says that on his tweet. Dance Macabre: corpses get up and jig, Sounds just like a Rolling Stones gig."

[Helmut Shown]

I once saw a variety show Starring whistler Ronnie Renaldo As he stood there and trilled The auditorium was filled With a sound of a strangled crow As he walked down the road in bare feet There was dogshit all over the street

[arsene york-hunt]

"The Iranian team beaten today, Fucking good riddance, I'd say, But the Persian muff, Were pretty enough, And out of that cսnt hole should stay. I once saw a variety show Starring whistler Ronnie Renaldo"

[Helmut Shown]

"Tits, arses cunts, perverted Vicars, Incest, brothels and dirty knickers Where else could you see Such perversity As up their arse, they shove a Snickers The Iranian team beaten today, Fucking good riddance, I'd say"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There was a young man from Ongar He wanted a penis much longer, His surgeon, an Asian, Did cock augmentation And now the thing looks like a congar. Tits, arses cunts, perverted Vicars, Incest, brothels and dirty knickers"

[Helmut Shown]

Within the grounds of Ightham Mote For just five quid she would deep throat The dirty old slag Couldn't help gag And ended with cum on her boat There was a young man from Ongar He wanted a penis much longer

[Far East Hammer]

"There was a girl from Potter Heigham, Saw some dildos and wanted to try 'em But down on her luck A John she did fuck In order to afford to buy'em Within the grounds of Ightham Mote For just five quid she would deep throat"