New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"When performing the singer George Melly, Let rip with a fart that was smelly , His follow through Left residual poo Worse still, it was live on the telly In a village on the shores of Loch Fyne He'd steal knickers hung on the line"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A scotsman Archie McCrumm Had patriotic tattoos on his bum, An Irish flag On the arse of this slag, Because the cսnt was Celtic scum. When performing the singer George Melly, Let rip with a fart that was smelly"

[Helmut Shown]

A large manager from Dudley For a week wasn't on telly He's hit a new low On the Talkshite show What next? Appearing on Lorraine Kelly A scotsman Archie McCrumm Had patriotic tattoos on his bum

[Far East Hammer]

"A young girl from South Carolina, Pulled a geezer in the local diner. But he did like it rough After kissing her muff Treated her arse to his boner A large manager from Dudley For a week wasn't on telly"

[arsene york-hunt]

"In a toilet a girl from St Paul Sucked a cock though a hole in the wall, Then the dirty scrote Came all over her boat, It was filmed but they paid her fuck all. A young girl from South Carolina, Pulled a geezer in the local diner."

[Helmut Shown]

An exotic dancer from Tipton Couldn't inspire a voyeur's hard on She gave a flash Of her shaven gash But he walked out begging her pardon In a toilet a girl from St Paul Sucked a cock though a hole in the wall

[Far East Hammer]

"We don't, as yet, play as a team, ""Next Level"" is still but a dream Telling arse from elbow? Well it just brings sorrow Same old same old West Ham it'd seem An exotic dancer from Tipton Couldn't inspire a voyeur's hard on"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"To a sick old West Ham fan I lied, At which point he just smiled and then died. But no need to fuss - That's more points than us; To the foot of the table we're tied. We don't, as yet, play as a team, ""Next Level"" is still but a dream"

[arsene york-hunt]

"On a naturist beach in Tenerife Her clothing was stolen by a thief, And, I have heard tell Walked to her hotel By the courtesy of a fig leaf. To a sick old West Ham fan I lied, At which point he just smiled and then died."

[Helmut Shown]

"I remember when ""Top of the Pops"" Played only the hits, not the flops Any excuse For upskirt views And plunging neckline tops On a naturist beach in Tenerife Her clothing was stolen by a thief"

[Helmut Shown]

"I remember when ""Top of the Pops"" Played only the hits, not the flops Any excuse For upskirt views And plunging neckline tops On a naturist beach in Tenerife Her clothing was stolen by a thief"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"In the A&E ward one night Came a woman in an awful plight To make matters worse. 'twas the fucking staff nurse Pissed up - and as high as a kite. I remember when ""Top of the Pops"" Played only the hits, not the flops"

[Helmut Shown]

"The entertainer Rolf Harris, Slipped his didgeridoo up her aris' He wasn't too formal His behaviour is normal For those sort of people in Paris In the A&E ward one night Came a woman in an awful plight"

[arsene york-hunt]

"While out early morning jogging A crowd round a car were dogging, I proffered my dick But 'twas too long and thick. So I went for dominatrix flogging. The entertainer Rolf Harris, Slipped his didgeridoo up her aris'."

[Helmut Shown]

"An eager young lassie called Glen Write a saucy blog about her men. Describing each male In lurid detail And not one earning a ""ten"" While out early morning jogging A crowd round a car were dogging"

[doomhunk]

"Wrote, ffs. Fucking iPad."

[doomhunk]

"For the record, I fucking hate The West Ham themed limericks... So, out of the pram sail the toys, And up go the calls, ""Bring back Moyes!"" Pelligrini‚Äôs a cսnt But Moyes too, was a cսnt So let‚Äôs just all get behind the boys. An eager young lassie called Glen Write a saucy blog about her men."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"He was sitting by the Liffy, While playing with his big stiffy The mere thought of a muff Was more than enough: He shot out his load in a jiffy. So, out of the pram sail the toys, And up go the calls, ""Bring back Moyes!"""

[arsene york-hunt]

"Down on the naturist beach There's a girl with a bum like a peach A great pair of tits, Hairy naughty bits But her boyfriend looks like Stacey Keach. He was sitting by the Liffy, While playing with his big stiffy"

[Helmut Shown]

"I got expelled from a nudist sect, 'Cos my penis was always erect. When youre stood near nude crumpet You just wanna hump it It always has that effect Down on the naturist beach There's a girl with a bum like a peach"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Some Tizer, or maybe Irn Brew? I really don't know what to do. My latest young ""Hole"", Doesn't drink alcohol, And I'm desperate now for a screw. I got expelled from a nudist sect, 'Cos my penis was always erect."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"In a doss house near Kings Cross station, A black man had a fight with an Asian. ""Why don't you go home?"" Did one of them moan, ""You lower the tone of the nation"". Some Tizer, or maybe Irn Brew? I really don't know what to do."

[arsene york-hunt]

"In regalia an Hasidic Jew Farted and just followed through, The big lump stayed there, In his underwear, But brown fluid ran down to his shoe. In a doss house near Kings Cross station, A black man had a fight with an Asian."

[Helmut Shown]

"An Irishman went to confession, But had to have an extra session He'd jus got a fine Stealing knickers from a line But its getting to be an obsession In regalia an Hasidic Jew Farted and just followed through"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I fancy a trip to the beach To somewhere that's easy to reach At this time of the year, Jaywick's nice, so I hear, But don't forget to pack some bleach. An Irishman went to confession, But had to have an extra session"