New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

"Robin Hood was down on his luck, When he met with old Friar Tuck The advice that he begs How to part Marion's legs He wants her cherry to pluck ""Get up early"" they said But me, I'd rather lie in bed"

[joe blob]

"Deli Alli falls to the ground Penalty! They're in the nex He just makes me sick He's an odious prick, Of shit, he's a festering mound. Robin Hood was down on his luck, When he met with old Friar Tuck"

[Helmut Shown]

"At Southend, they've got a long pier To see it, you needn't be near None can compare With the smell of sea air Near the sewage outfall I hear Deli Alli falls to the ground Penalty! They're in the next round"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A lass from Walton-on-the-Naze Was talked into the dogging craze So down on the shore She cried out for more Which left Frinton Ted in a haze. At Southend, they've got a long pier To see it, you needn't be near"

[Far East Hammer]

"A dirty young lad from Cockfosters Felt up a girl while in Costa's Sadly for him ""her"" cock Became hard as a rock And was forced to give some wristers A lass from Walton-on-the-Naze Was talked into the dogging craze"

[Helmut Shown]

The village blacksmith called Pat Beneath the Chestnut tree was sat. Amusing himself By abusing himself And catching the drips in his hat * I know this is an old rhyme but i couldnt resist! A dirty young lad from Cockfosters Felt up a girl while in Costa's

[joe blob]

"A star in the heavens above, Was seen by a couple in love, by the star they were struck And he said ""Lets fuck"", So she gave the fucker a shove. The village blacksmith called Pat Beneath the Chestnut tree was sat."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A girl called jane was a scream Bein a comedian was her dream She cried and she cried, 'cos each night she died So blew all the Spurs reserves team. A star in the heavens above, Was seen by a couple in love."

[Darlo Debs]

"There was a sexy young woman called Kez Who wore a thong, long black boots and a fez she thought it super to have a hat like tommy cooper But tended to.dance like Bez A girl called jane was a scream Bein a comedian was her dream"

[Son of Sam]

"A transgender ""woman"" Toulouse, Went once into the ladies loos She sought a urinal Her needs became final So she just pissed into her shoes There was a sexy young woman called Kez Who wore a thong, long black boots and a fez"

[joe blob]

"There was a young man from Southgate Who thought anal rimming was great, Then his bum chum Art. Dropped in his face a fart, Which caused him to be quite irate. A transgender ""woman"" Toulouse, Went once into the ladies loos"

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man from Dunkirk, Whose trousers fell down while at work Indecent exposure Through lack of composure Now doing time stupid berk There was a young man from Southgate Who thought anal rimming was great"

[joe blob]

"It was too long and much too thick As she gagged on it, it made her sick ""This Magnum lolly, Makes me far from jolly I wish I had bought a crab stick."" There was a young man from Dunkirk, Whose trousers fell down while at work."

[Helmut Shown]

"I'm off now, please call me a cab Not Uber - I ain't got a tab... So I'll have to make do With a loud 4B2 And pay over the price for the tab It was too long and much too thick As she gagged on it, it made her sick"

[Helmut Shown]

"I'm off now, please call me a cab Not Uber - I ain't got a tab... So I'll have to make do With a loud 4B2 And pay over the price for the tab It was too long and much too thick As she gagged on it, it made her sick"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young lady from Cairo Did unspeakable things with a biro The use of such pen Could make all the men Hand over the cash from their giro. I'm off now, please call me a cab Not Uber - I ain't got a tab..."

[Helmut Shown]

"A new young prostitute from Guinea, Was dark, had nice tits, and was skinny If you paid her the fee All got to see The pink bits under her pinny There was a young lady from Cairo Did unspeakable things with a biro"

[joe blob]

"A knight sat upon a tall steed Was fair overcome with a need, Could not get to the ground, As his squire weren't around So there in his armour he peed. A new young prostitute from Guinea, Was dark, had nice tits, and was skinny"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I once knew a girl from Dundalk Who tweeked her tits with a fork Her use of a spoon Saw maiden aunts swoon, And, as for the knife? It's all talk. A knight sat upon a tall steed Was fair overcome with a need"

[cup of tea]

A young pikey girl from Millwall In the street answered nature's call She shit on the pavement to every persons amazement then slipped in the shit with a fall I once knew a girl from Dundalk Who tweeked her tits with a fork

[Helmut Shown]

"The priest liked to play with the choir, Thus incurring the magistrates ire Defrocked, on the skids For fiddling with kids A life sentence behind the barbed wire A young pikey girl from Millwall In the street answered nature's call"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The singer cups hand to his ear. I know now it's folk that we'll hear. Singing a strange style, In corduroys and fairisle I've always found that a bit queer. The priest liked to play with the choir, Thus incurring the magistrates ire."

[doomhunk]

Mine was better ;-)

[doomhunk]

"In a village on the shores of Loch Fyne He'd steal knickers hung on the line. His love of the tanga Caused considerable anger Especially when he swiped mine! A big, burly chap from the States Knew a trick that involved firing dates"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"In a village on the shores of Loch Fyne He'd steal knickers hung on the line The folks were annoyed For it wasn't Pink Floyd He'd whistle, but ""Fog on the Tyne."" The singer cups hand to his ear. I know now it's folk that we'll hear"