New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[arsene york-hunt]

"Putin and all of his cronies As humans, I think they are phoneys, Gutless sycophants Who would shit their own pants, As actors they'd win a few Tonies Thanks HS. It get harder to make ends meet I'm putting my wife on the street"

[Helmut Shown]

"My internet's gone really flaky The porn on it's all really shaky The screen starts to rock Let go of your cock Or you'll end up ill or headachy Putin and all of his cronies As human beings, I think they are phoneys"

[Helmut Shown]

"My internet's gone really flaky The porn on it's all really shaky The screen starts to rock Let go of your cock Or you'll end up ill or headachy Putin and all of his cronies As human beings, I think they are phoneys"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"After Ukraine he'll move in to Poland Whilst watching Grange hill and looking like Roland Would it be such a wrench, Having him on the Bench? It's not really called ""in the know"" land. My internet's gone really flaky The porn on it's all really shaky"

[cup of tea]

I'm increasingly worried 'bout Putin Cos its clear he's not really clued in His march on Ukraine Is a right royal big pain With no barbers he'll look like Rasputin After Ukraine he'll move in to Poland Whilst watching Grange hill and looking like Roland

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

The nukes are about to start flying The humans will all start deep frying But if we have to go It's comforting to know Spurs fans will also be dying I'm increasingly worried 'bout Putin Cos its clear he's not really clued in

[cup of tea]

"Some things in life are looking up, Those Y-words knocked out of the cup We can laugh all we like But we've been put on our bike We'll never win anything, yup The nukes are about to start flying The humans will all start deep frying"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Brexit is a pain in the arse In fact its a bit of a farce, But there's nothing insaner Than a whingeing remainer. No use crying into your glass. Some things in life are looking up, Those Y-words knocked out of the cup"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

I'm very interested to see If we get Alex Kral on a free It would be funny If we actually paid money Cos you know he'd fuck up his knee Brexit is a pain in the arse In fact its a bit of a farce

[Helmut Shown]

"Chelsea, the expensive kept bitch, Of cսnt Roman Abramovich Four billion to buy Is pie in the sky Desperation in trying to ditch I'm very interested to see If we get Alex Kral on a free"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The stupidity of Trump is well known Amongst Republicans he's not on his own, But he's still in good health, And with all of his wealth Many fit young ladies he'll bone. Chelsea, the expensive kept bitch, Of cսnt Roman Abramovich"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

On a boat cruise along the Nile Overhead flew a large nuke missile But if it was sent By that cսnt from Tashkent Then you'd know it would miss by a mile The stupidity of Trump is well known Amongst Republicans he's not on his own

[cup of tea]

Do we now have to believe That the capital is now known as Keev The name matters not The city will rot Nuclear fallout will make us all heave On a boat cruise along the Nile Overhead flew a large nuke missile

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Lenin Stalin Hitler and Chernobyl Have proved Ukrainians arent easy to kill But if they should feel Like a nice jellied eel Then that almost certainly will Do we now have to believe That the capital is now known as Keev

[Son of Sam]

He said that he wouldn't invade The world looks on him dismayed But resistance is mounting Devalued roubles he's counting Wondering how the Red Army'll get paid Lenin Stalin Hitler and Chernobyl Have proved Ukrainians arent easy to kill

[Helmut Shown]

A young lad who lived in the Med Paid a fortune to a granny for head At the ninety ninth stroke She started to choke And fell at his feet stone cold dead He said that he wouldn't invade The world looks on him dismayed

[cup of tea]

Russian despot Vladimir Putin. Once gave a young Doris a rooting. in his office at the Kremlin He pulled out his large gremlin The Doris just stood there hooting A young lad who lived in the Med Paid a fortune to a granny for head

[Helmut Shown]

"Russian despot Vladimir Putin. Once gave a young Doris a rooting. She was tied to the bed And forced to give head That's rape done, now time for some looting As war in Ukraine 's getting hotter Dictator, despot and rotter"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The difference, it's said, of two squares, Is...bollocks...what cսnt really cares? ""This here ge-o-metry Is not my cup of tea"". Said a bloke in green Lionel Blairs Russian despot Vladimir Putin. Once gave a young Doris a rooting."

[arsene york-hunt]

"The difference, it's said, of two squares, Is...bollocks...what cսnt really cares? ""This here ge-o-metry Is not my cup of tea"". Said a bloke in green Lionel Blairs Russian despot Vladimir Putin. Once gave a young Doris a rooting."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Chocolate biscuits are best dunked in tea While watching repeats on the old BBC There were certainly shows Where ""anything goes"", Avoid if you're slightly PC. The difference, it's said, of two squares, Is...bollocks...what cսnt really cares?"

[cup of tea]

"There was a young gay man called Miles , Who suffered from bad prolapsed piles when he tried to sit down He jumped like a clown And now appears on the X files Chocolate biscuits are best dunked in tea While watching repeats on the old BBC"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I'm trying to lay out a song, But the music I've got is all wrong Between you and me It's not in a key And the phrasing is all far too long. There was a young gay man called Miles , Who suffered from bad prolapsed piles"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Why do we have all this rancour? That Putin's working a flanker Jus' look a da bling 'vasion do bring And WE t'ink dat 'E is da wanker? I'm trying to lay out a song, But the music I've got is all wrong"

[Helmut Shown]

Putin seems to be in a strop As the bombs on Ukraine start to drop He's taking a punt The bloke is a cսnt Needs flogging with a riding crop Why do we have all this rancour? That Putin's working a flanker