New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

Whilst working one day in the City I thought I'd write something quite witty As i thought out aloud It dragged in a crowd the author now's a committee You'll receive from all short shrift If you drop a big fart in a lift

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A scotsman who was very well built His bellend hung from under his kilt While roamin' the gloamin, The lasses were moanin' At it's fine perpendicular tilt Whilst working one day in the City I thought I'd write something quite witty"

[Helmut Shown]

"Sometimes it's a bastard to rhyme And sometimes it takes me no time Since Covid came Brain fog is to blame It once was so sharp, its a crime A scotsman who was very well built His bellend hung from under his kilt"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"It's late and I can't get to sleep, Was dreaming of Little Bo Peep. It wasn't her curls Cos I don't like girls Was dreaming of shagging her sheep Sometimes it's a bastard to rhyme And sometimes it takes me no time"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"It's late and I can't get to sleep, Was dreaming of Little Bo Peep. It wasn't her curls Cos I don't like girls Was dreaming of shagging her sheep Sometimes it's a bastard to rhyme And sometimes it takes me no time"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There once was a geezer called Sparks Who hung around kids in the park 'til someone yelled ""Oi!"" ""Get away from my boy!"" ""Or I'll give you a kick in the narks!"" It's late and I can't get to sleep, Was dreaming of Little Bo Peep."

[arsene york-hunt]

"Mike Dean and Jon Moss will retire Fulfilling my greatest desire, PL refs I find Make me eff and blind, Corrupt or just fucking dire. There once was a geezer called Sparks Who hung around kids in the park"

[Helmut Shown]

"The powers are happy to fix Trophies just for the big six Paying big fees To bent referees And pundits, to a man, who are pricks Mike Dean and Jon Moss will retire Fulfilling my greatest desire"

[arsene york-hunt]

Prescient or what?

[arsene york-hunt]

"I'm now watching Chelsea and 'pool That Tuchel is a bit of a tool. It gets on my tits, Those revolting scouse gits Fluke it on pens as a rule. The powers are happy to fix Trophies just for the big six"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"In sandwiches, two bits of bread. The filling? Some nice runny egg. bread/egg is a bit of a stretch But far from me to ketch It's closer than some I have read . I'm now watching Chelsea and 'pool That Tuchel is a bit of a tool"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"I dropped a huge one today in the pan, Must be my three bowls of All-Bran, But that last bowl of prunes, Had me laying down dunes, Now...that wasn't part of the plan. In sandwiches, two bits of bread. The filling? Some nice runny egg."

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

There was a young man called Nash Was caught short in need of a slash He whipped out his chopper But was seen by a copper So put it away in a flash I dropped a huge one today in the pan Must be my three bowls of All-Bran

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a young man from Pyongyang Was learning cockney rhyming slang Whilst learning this doggerel He found ""having a Jodrell"" Meant laying down pulling his whang There was a young man called Nash Was caught short in need of a slash"

[arsene york-hunt]

If Prince Charles becomes Charles the third Will his title be a euphemism for turd? If I'm not mistaken That soubriquet's taken As is Charlie Hunt for the C word. There was a young man from Pyongyang Was learning cockney rhyming slang

[Helmut Shown]

"Bollocks to these rhymes that are clean, Let's have some Limericks obscene Between lines you can sandwich genitalia and foul language And young ladies flicking their bean If Prince Charles becomes Charles the third Will his title be a euphemism for turd?"

[arsene york-hunt]

"So now we can all take the piss: Fill yer boots and plagiarise this... There's no time to waste; Just copy and paste, Success you just cannot miss. Bollocks to these rhymes that are clean, Let's have some Limericks obscene"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Pellegrini bought shit, that we know To progress some of them must go But who wants our dross? They're not worth a toss No wonder our transfers are slow. So now we can all take the piss: Fill yer boots and plagiarise this..."

[Helmut Shown]

"A Polaris flies into the sky, We've no idea what when and why. This evil missile With warhead that's fissile Warmongers should fuck off and die Pellegrini bought shit, that we know To progress some of them must go"

[Helmut Shown]

"A Polaris flies into the sky, We've no idea what when and why. This evil missile With warhead that's fissile Warmongers should fuck off and die Pellegrini bought shit, that we know To progress some of them must go"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Most women, it sets them apart When they tell everyone they don't fart, When folk are about about, They will slip one out And blame it on their counterpart. Her beauty is driving me barmy, Forecaster Lucy Verasamy."

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Her beauty is driving me barmy, Forecaster Lucy Verasamy. It's said that her cսnt Is like a cold front... A bit like the 3rd Russian army A Polaris flies into the sky, We've no idea what when and why."

[arsene york-hunt]

Fuck you helmut

[arsene york-hunt]

"I know I am being quite blunt But that Haarland is one ugly cսnt. Rich Arabs, Russian crooks, Who cares about looks, They've fucked the game, it's an affront. Her beauty is driving me barmy, Forecaster Lucy Verasamy."

[Helmut Shown]

"I know I am being quite blunt But that Haarland is one ugly cսnt The stories are legion 'bout this pig faced Norwegian But i wouldnt mind him playing up front Most women, it sets them apart When they tell everyone they don't fart"