New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[arsene york-hunt]

"An angry old man from Kowloon Loved to eat weird foods with a spoon Quite strange for a tiddly, Chopstcks were too fiddly, He thought knives and forks were a boon. On the London to Bristol express, A bloke put his hand up her dress"

[cup of tea]

"A man from the Barbary Coast, Had a very unusual boast. Shit on demand in a bush Out it came in a whoosh Then spread it on hot buttered toast An angry old man from Kowloon Loved to eat weird foods with a spoon"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Once more we lose to the benders As a top team, we're still the pretenders, Play the best, we're a hit, Next week losing to shit, Season ticket? I'll return to sender. A man from the Barbary Coast, Had a very unusual boast."

[Helmut Shown]

"I know you might look askance But I'm bidding at an auction France These frogs look so smug Is it bid when they shrug? I really don't think I've much chance Once more we lose to the benders As a top team, we're still the pretenders"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Next Brighton and Hove Albion, Not beaten these shits in an eon I've spent way too much time Finding a word that might rhyme The only I found, was Korean I know you might look askance But I'm bidding at an auction France https://www.interencheres.com/meubles-objets-art/belle-vente-de-printemps-a-10h-et-a-14h-tableaux-ecole-de-rouen-objets-dart-bijoux-et-mode-mobilier-env-700-lots-301772/?page=8"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Tennis is for posh blokes called Harry Plus WHOs very own bumming of gary, Wimbledon they say, Is great if you're gay, But not ot somewhere I'd like to tarry. Next Brighton and Hove Albion, Not beaten these shits in an eon."

[cup of tea]

"So good bye Lawro, you tit High time you decided to quit Your Scouse mates so needy And your thatched hair so greasy So fuck off you old ugly git Tennis is for posh blokes called Harry Plus WHOs very own bumming of gary"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"The Scoutmaster stood in the doc, For showing a girl guide his cock It was during Bob-a-Job That he showed her his knob Which must of come as quite a shock So good bye Lawro, you tit High time you decided to quit"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"The Scoutmaster stood in the doc, For showing a girl guide his cock It was during Bob-a-Job That he showed her his knob Which must of come as quite a shock So good bye Lawro, you tit High time you decided to quit"

[arsene york-hunt]

"James Martin that cook on TV Every other word is ""really"", Where can I begin, But since Phillip Harbin, TV chefs ar a mist'ry to me. The Scoutmaster stood in the doc, For showing a girl guide his cock"

[Helmut Shown]

"My life just don't get no better, I truly am a jet-setter Canvey Island, Lakeside, I range far and wide And if it gets cold take a sweater James Martin that cook on TV Every other word is ""really"""

[Mike Oxsaw]

"In Port of Spain in Trinidad, A man paid for sex with a lad. The kid was called Reg - Full meat & two veg, About which the punter was glad. My life just don't get no better, I truly am a jet-setter"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The last time I went to Brazil, I ended up really quite ill. While in the favela, A street girl called Bella, Sold me a very dodgy pill. In Port of Spain in Trinidad, A man paid for sex with a lad"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A poor man from Ecuador, Saved up to pay for a whore Got $1.20, Which he thought was plenty, But she asked for an awful lot more. The last time I went to Brazil, I ended up really quite ill."

[arsene york-hunt]

"Simon Jordan talks nothing but shit As a pundit he's not really fit It could be much worse The diversity curse At the beeb makes me want to spit. A poor man from Ecuador, Saved up to pay for a whore"

[Helmut Shown]

Risible old men on the stage The Rolling Stones should act their age Their knickers they'd throw So long ago Now its Tenalady (very large gauge) Simon Jordan talks nothing but shit As a pundit he's not really fit

[arsene york-hunt]

"The Buffalo kid, now I figure Just wanted to pull on a trigger He got fame, you bet, But his one regret He wanted a body count bigger. Risible old men on the stage The Rolling Stones should act their age"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Jane McDonald on her cruise travel show Her singing fills me with woe The sound is so awful It shouldn't be lawful I'd prefer to be stubbing my toe The Buffalo kid, now I figure Just wanted to pull on a trigger I dare you...swt"

[Helmut Shown]

"That Scottish song ""Craggie of Dhoke"" Is fantasy - simply a joke The Wee Cooper o' Fife His trials with his wife These Scots are very strange folk Jane McDonald on her cruise travel show Her singing fills me with woe"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"An Irish dyke thought she was tough Stuck a rubber bullet right up her muff It was quite an eyeful As it was still in the rifle I'm sure you have seen quite enough. That Scottish song ""Craggie of Dhoke"" Is fantasy - simply a joke"

[Helmut Shown]

"Klopp, the sight of whom's obscene Supports stinking scouse booing the Queen More dirty tricks From these vile pseudo micks Like the Glaswegian cunts dressed in green An Irish dyke thought she was tough Stuck a rubber bullet right up her muff"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Klopp, the sight of whom's obscene Supports stinking scouse booing the Queen"

[arsene york-hunt]

"The fox from the wood down the road Has now made my shed his abode I feed him dead mice Which he finds very nice, Also some live frogs and a toad"

[arsene york-hunt]

"You'll receive from all short shrift If you drop a big fart in a lift, But do one that's silent, And proverbiall violent It makes people sick when it's sniffed. Klopp, the sight of whom's obscene Supports stinking scouse booing the Queen"

[Mike Oxsaw]

You'll receive from all short shrift If you drop a big fart in a lift And if you barf on a train You'll need to explain The obnoxious gaseous drift. The fox from the wood down the road Has now made my shed his abode