New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[arsene york-hunt]

"Have you ever heard anything sillier Than a man with a strange paraphilia, Shagged dogs, cats or minors, Wth dicks or vaginas, But was fussy about the milieu. There once was a strange man from Fife, Who paid men to roger his wife"

[Helmut Shown]

Young bloke I know works in Boots Enjoys coprophagic pursuits He associates with ghouls Who like to eat stools As if they were baby beetroots Have you ever heard anything sillier Than a man with a strange paraphilia

[arsene york-hunt]

"His girlfriend was feeling quite glum Because he asked her to show him her bum, But the sight of it Covered with dried shit, Was hardly an inducement to cum. Young bloke I know who works in Boots Enjoys coprophagic pusuits."

[Helmut Shown]

"A young girl from the loony left, On a demo flashed her vulval cleft Then from her gash Came a fountain of slash The aim from her flaps was quite deft His girlfriend was feeling quite glum Because he asked her to show him her bum"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Whilst walking amongst market stalls, I suddenly got itchy balls. While scratching my nad, Thought of an old ad, ""You can't help falling for a Walls."" Sorry A young girl from the loony left, On a demo flashed her vulval cleft"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"There was a young man from Fleet He dropped a loud fart in the street. But everyone knew That he'd followed through: Destruction of trolleys? Complete. Whilst walking amongst market stalls, I suddenly got itchy balls."

[Helmut Shown]

I was caught by my old Aunty Martha When in bed having a J Arthur She can spot when a bloke's on the vinegar strokes Causing her speedy departure There was a young man from Fleet He dropped a loud fart in the street

[arsene york-hunt]

"It really is shit on tv Baking, antiques, reality' They save the most shite, For a Saturday night, Masked Dancer's the worst one for me. I was caught by my old Aunty Martha When in bed having a J Arthur"

[Helmut Shown]

"In a new cult in Liverpool To join you must eat your own stool And what is much worse Steal from mum's purse They've been thieving since early playschool It really is shit on tv Baking, antiques, reality"

[arsene york-hunt]

"An old girl from Birkenhead Made a living laying in bed A bit mutt and Jeff, And each second word "" eff,"" I thought she was rather ill bred. In a new cult in Liverpool To join you must eat your own stool."

[Helmut Shown]

"A girl I once knew from The Hague, Had tits that were desperately vague She'd had a disease When bitten by fleas I think it was bubonic plague An old girl from Birkenhead Made a living laying in bed"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"On a visit to Uncle Billy, He started to fondle my willy He gave it a kiss, And said ""Oh! Such bliss!"" I thought he was being quite silly. A girl I once knew from The Hague, Had tits that were desperately vague"

[arsene york-hunt]

"A girl from the isle of Man Was craving an all over tan, Went to Agadir, But came over queer, And spent the whole week on the can. On a visit to Uncle Billy, He started to fondle my willy"

[Helmut Shown]

"I’ve eaten some very hot broth, And now I am sure touching cloth As I go to the can I’ll pebbledash the pan Incurring my good lady’s wrath A girl from the isle of Man Was craving an all over tan"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Last night when I went to the bog, I squeezed out a rather large log I heard a loud ""Plop!"" As down did it drop, I fair overdid the egg-nog. I've eaten some very hot broth, And now I am sure touching cloth."

[arsene york-hunt]

"On top of an old dungheap A man was shagging a sheep, And, this is a fact, Watching this depraved act, And crying was little Bo Peep. Last night when I went to the bog, I squeezed out a rather large log"

[Helmut Shown]

The missus forever sings the same song No matter what I do I'm always wrong She stands there to scoff She can fuck right off Me and her just don't belong On top of an old dungheap A man was shagging a sheep Good to have you back Far East

[Helmut Shown]

The missus forever sings the same song No matter what I do I'm always wrong She stands there to scoff She can fuck right off Me and her just don't belong On top of an old dungheap A man was shagging a sheep Good to have you back Far East

[Far East Hammer]

There was a young man from Leek A bit of a computer geek But try as he might Hacked a dating site No luck with that shag he did seek The missus forever sings the same song No matter what I do I'm always wrong

[Helmut Shown]

"There was a pervert from North Cheam, Stole drawers off clothes lines, it would seem Instead of a sock He wrapped the knickers round his cock It gave him a first class wet dream There was a young man from Leek A bit of a computer geek"

[arsene york-hunt]

"If you thought Margaret Thatcher was bad This Truss bint makes us more sad. Opposing these shits, Is a right bunch of tits, All useless cunts driving us mad. There was a pervert from North Cheam, Stole drawers off clothes lines, it would seem"

[Helmut Shown]

Oh no! My bank's gonna crash! I'd best not do anything rash This budget you see Not for you and me But the Tories stealing your cash If you thought Margaret Thatcher was bad This Truss bint makes us more sad

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A Croation lady from Split, Got pleasure fingering her clit Which she did from afar 'cos it lived in a jar, Along with a big lump of shit. Oh no! My bank's gonna crash! I'd best not do anything rash."

[arsene york-hunt]

"Getting dressed after having a dip He caught his ballbag in his zip. He was in agony Went to the casualty, And then he went home for a kip. A Croation lady from Split, Got pleasure fingering her clit"

[Helmut Shown]

"A bloke from Virginia Water, Had interfered with his step daughter For what he was doing He should get a good shoeing If they haven’t they fucking well ought’er Getting dressed after having a dip He caught his ballbag in his zip"