New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Said WS Gilbert in rhyme That the Punishment should fit the crime. An eye for an eye Might just get you by, But nonces get buried in lime. This cough I've got really won't go. I've had it a week now, you know?"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Putting the antisocial in cell blocks Put them instead in the stocks I think we're all knowing, Where this rhyme is going, The rapists, just cut off their cocks. Said WS Gilbert in rhyme That the Punishment should fit the crime."

[Helmut Shown]

"Is the reason more black blokes do time, Is that they commit more of the crime? They claim social deprivation For their freedom truncation Their brief using that paradigm Putting the antisocial in cell blocks Put them instead in the stocks"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Is the reason more black blokes do time, Is that they comit more of the crime?"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Serbian twat, Mitrovic To the ref decided to bitch, The ref, to ensure, A win for Manure, Sent the daft sod off the pitch. Is the reason more black blokes do time, Is that the comit more of the crime?"

[Helmut Shown]

"The shag that they had was pure bliss But he got a dose of syphilis Now the poor wanker Has got a large chanchre And it’s also painful to piss Serbian twat, Mitrovic To the ref decided to bitch"

[arsene york-hunt]

"There once was a girl from Hever Had a smell emanate from her beaver. Her new boyfriend Gus Declined cunnilingus, So she gotin her Golden reriever, The shag that they had was pure bliss But he got a dose of syphilis"

[Helmut Shown]

I once met a girl from West Herts Who for a fiver would show you her parts And for a score She’d shit on the floor Not exactly the classiest of tarts There once was a girl from Hever Had a smell emanate from her beaver

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"The ex. of young girl Violet, Posted their sex pics on the net. He showed the blonde bimbo With legs all akimbo You could see that her fanny was wet I once met a girl from West Herts Who for a fiver would show you her parts"

[arsene york-hunt]

"You can tell a good man apart From the way he disguises a fart, This well mannered toff, Will fake a loud cough, While moving from others apart. The ex. of young girl Violet, Posted their sex pics on the net."

[Helmut Shown]

"A dirty old vicar from Rhyl Swallowed a little blue pill When found out he said ""To stop me rolling out of bed"" Like something from Benny Hill You can tell a good man apart From the way he disguises a fart"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Enough on the subject of jews, Today I bought a pair of shoes You're hardly a hero My interest is zero Have you any more worthless news? A dirty old vicar from Rhyl Swallowed a little blue pill"

[arsene york-hunt]

"That Levy is trying a ruse Tottenham are trying to lose Conté needs to go For Pochettino It appears their football don't enthuse. Enough on the subject of jews, Today I bought a pair of shoes"

[arsene york-hunt]

"That Levy is trying a ruse Tottenham are trying to lose Conté needs to go For Pochettino It appears their football don't enthuse. Enough on the subject of jews, Today I bought a pair of shoes"

[Helmut Shown]

"Talking of the hasidic jews, There's a big story in the news They've abandoned the high land For Canvey Island For the fresh air and wonderful views Levy trying a ruse Tottenham trying to lose"

[arsene york-hunt]

"They walk around in fur hats Succeeding to look like prize twats, But though they look funny, They've got loadsa money Beneath the bed, under the slats. Talking of the hasidic jews, There's a big story in the news"

[Helmut Shown]

"Those names on Google I'd go look Celebs with talent? Are they fook!I To add to this theory Add Dermot O'Leary I think the piss, they have took They walk around in fur hats Succeeding to look like prize twats"

[arsene york-hunt]

"Alison Hammond, McGuinness and Dommett, When I see they're involved, I vomit .One of TVs big cons Cheap shows for morons, Not a patch on Wallace and Gromett. Those names on Google I'd to look Celebs with talent? Are they fook!"

[Helmut Shown]

"Yesterday I was quite taken aback When I caught a brief glimpse of my sack With my clothing undone, I could see only one I don't think I've got the right knack Alison Hammond, McGuinness and Dommett, When I see they're involved, I vomit"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"I think I might go on a trip, And do something youthful and hip On a cruise to Mykonos I’ll go I’ll give a young cabin boy a blow And after I’ll do up his zip Yesterday I was quite taken aback When I caught a brief glimpse of my sack"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"We’re downbeat despite a win Have some of our fans given in? Now. You know the score, We've been here before, And had to dump hope in the bin. I think I might go on a trip, And do something youthful and hip."

[,]

despite winning 4-0 last night Our passing was really shite Still a win is a win So let’s go all in Reach the final and put up a fight. We’re downbeat despite a win Have some of our fans given in

[Helmut Shown]

"A young man who worked with timber, Made for himself a Marimba But it’s low manufacture Due to his short stature His forebears were Madagascan Vazimba* *pygmy like people who first settled in Madagascar. (A bit of a bastard to rhyme btw) Despite winning 4-0 last night Our passing was really shite"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I knew an old man from Northants Whose farts blew a hole in his pants. They stank out the place, Some were tenor some bass, Finished off with some high pitched descants. A young man who worked with timber, Made for himself a Marimba"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"An old peasant from Equador, Saved for months to (sleep) with a whore He brought in his llama Which made him much calmer As he entered her flaccid back door I knew an old man from Northants Whose farts blew a hole in his pants"