New Limerick Thread

[les marteaux]

Same as before The football we play to be blunt Is to most West Ham fans an affront

[Helmut Shown]

I think that our refs are all shit But tonight's a much bigger tit If typical of Turks Then they all must be berks Compared to Mike Dean he’s the pits The fashion sense of some I doubt Those trousers with their arse hanging out?

[arsene york-hunt]

"If only we could score a goal The frustration is taking its toll. If we took every chance, It would clearly enhance, Where we finish up on the whole I think that our refs are all shit But tonight's a much bigger tit"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Just laying expectantly in bed When she took out her teeth to give head She said with a sigh ""I'll remove my glass eye"" So i gave her a skull fuck instead If only we could score a goal The frustration is taking its toll"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

"Just laying expectantly in bed When she took out her teeth to give head She said with a sigh ""I'll remove my glass eye"" So i gave her a skull fuck instead If only we could score a goal The frustration is taking its toll"

[Pee Wee]

While trying to hurdle a hedge A thorn caught my meat and 2 veg now the doctor forbids for me to have kids don't 'we're fam'ly' me Sister Sledge Tonight there is so much at stake Forget about Frankfurt heartbreak

[Helmut Shown]

While trying to hurdle a hedge A thorn caught my meat and 2 veg The rip in my bag Caused me to dry gag It fair set my teeth on edge Just laying expectantly in bed When she took out her teeth to give head

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Now seems an appropriate juncture To poke fun at ‘houses’ with punctures If I knew what you meant It would be my intent To end with the word acupuncture While trying to hurdle a hedge A thorn caught my meat and 2 veg

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Now seems an appropriate juncture To poke fun at ‘houses’ with punctures If I knew what you meant It would be my intent To end with the word acupuncture While trying to hurdle a hedge A thorn caught my meat and 2 veg

[Pee Wee]

Speaking of the great unwashed Shame that their dreams are squashed The choice that they had And New Cross were both bad Jump under a train or be coshed Now seems an appropriate juncture To poke fun at ‘houses’ with punctures

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

The foul stench of rotton detritus Doth so often blight us When I go to the Den It obviously when The moment I get off the bus Speaking of the great unwashed Shame that their dreams are squashed

[BRANDED]

I jumped as my son shouted BOO the smell said that i followed through I pulled down my pants and in my parlance I found a nugget of poo The foul stench of rotton detritus Doth so often blight us

[Pee Wee]

"I drank from a clear mountain stream, That glistened beneath a sunbeam From this scene I withdrew I was spoiling the view or maybe that's my self esteem I jumped as my son shouted BOO the smell said that i followed through"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"A turd dropped out of her arse And slithered into the glass. We're fresh out of ice, So I won't say this twice, That cable I passed is pure class. I drank from a clear mountain stream, That glistened beneath a sunbeam."

[BRANDED]

A young lass was always insisting During sex she liked a good fisting With a thrust she then farted It went up to my armpit Now she asks but also shes lisping A turd dropped out of her arse And slithered into the glass

[Helmut Shown]

Tonight on Milan’s San Siro The Italians will look for a hero? The crowd'll blow their top When some swandiving wop A penalty. But the dive? A fat zero A young lass was always insisting During sex she liked a good fisting

[Pee Wee]

There's a lot of Lim'ricks today I can think of nothing to say I made a small edit In case children read it I just think it’s nicer that way Tonight on Milan’s San Siro The Italians will look for a hero

[Helmut Shown]

"There's a lot of Lim'ricks today I can think of fuck all to say As my brow starts to wrinkle I'll play with my winkle A smile on my face, come what may Will next season be just like this? Or will they bite the bullet and dismiss?"

[arsene york-hunt]

"I hope in this cup we'll go far But first up is AZ Alkmaar Singing at the urinal ""Just bring on the final"". Or tears in our beers at the bar. There's a lot of Lim'ricks today I can think of fuck all to say"

[Hello Mrs. Jones]

Why do I fart all the time? A stench that is often sublime It may be that you Like the small of your poo But to others its simply a crime I hope in this cup we'll go far But first up is AZ Alkmaar

[BRANDED]

David de gea dived to his right He thought it was the right height But how we all laughed and I even barfed The five pints I had on the night Why do I fart all the time? A stench that is often sublime

[eswing hammer]

Beware of having a grapple With a woman with an Adam’s apple In Thailand you lose your heart You’ve just agreed your baht Then you realise it’s a fucking huge tackle ! David de gea dived to his right He thought it was the right height

[Helmut Shown]

With the rise of gender fluidity I fear for mankind’s mass stupidity With genders confused It’s left me bemused No guaranteed sexual lucidity Beware of having a grapple With a woman with an Adam’s apple

[Pee Wee]

"With a ""Yip!"" an ""Ee-Ei"""" and an ""Ay!"" We'll live the American way It’s the land of the free As long as you’re just like me And not if you’re black or your gay With the rise of gender fluidity I fear for mankind’s mass stupidity"

[Mike Oxsaw]

"Another gun wealding yob with no mates Shoots up a mall in the states, The 'merican dream Must e'er reign supreme... Keep oiling those old Pearly Gates. With a ""Yip!"" an ""Ee-Ei"""" and an ""Ay!"" We'll live the American way"

[Pee Wee]

"Metrosexuals poufters, trannies, What would be said by our great grannies? But they are at fault From the books that they taught With characters like Dick and Fanny Another gun wealding yob with no mates Shoots up a mall in the states"